And then the fight started..... - GoFuckYourself.com

Ice · 01-29-2009, 11:53 AM

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
So, I took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....

****

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....

********

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
T he woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'
And then the fight started.....

****

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started.....

****

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....

****

I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started.....

****

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And then the fight started.....

****

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

Phoenix · 01-29-2009, 12:08 PM

haha i love the dwarf one

RyuLion · 01-29-2009, 12:13 PM

get back to work!

_Richard_ · 01-29-2009, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phoenix

haha i love the dwarf one

haha same here

Compdoctor · 01-29-2009, 12:14 PM

yep, the dwarf one got me too

Tom_PM · 01-29-2009, 12:18 PM

LOL those are great

doridori · 01-29-2009, 12:20 PM

time for a divorce.

NetHorse · 01-29-2009, 12:42 PM

------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

-------------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy
Shit. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He
smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast
as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the
woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

--------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

---------------------

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

John-ACWM · 01-29-2009, 12:51 PM

The dwarf and the mad cow are the best

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 01-29-2009, 12:54 PM

Three guys walk into a bar...

The fourth guy ducks.

ADG

RuthB · 01-29-2009, 12:55 PM

those are great!

undersoul · 01-29-2009, 12:57 PM

haha some funny ones there! thanks!

F-U-Jimmy · 01-29-2009, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RyuLion

get back to work!

Kettle pot black ?

jmcb420 · 01-29-2009, 12:59 PM

lmfao, "I'd like to phone a friend"

hypedough · 01-29-2009, 01:03 PM

The mad cow line is classic dude!

Imortyl Pussycat · 01-29-2009, 01:03 PM

those were hilarious, thanks for sharing

Ross · 01-29-2009, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by intehend

------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

-------------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy
Shit. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He
smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast
as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the
woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

--------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

---------------------

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

tony286 · 01-29-2009, 01:08 PM

thank you for the chuckle

Spunky · 01-29-2009, 07:29 PM

Har har,that was good for a chuckle

gimo33 · 01-29-2009, 07:45 PM

LMAO!

Danny B · 01-29-2009, 11:25 PM

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

Fuckin winner! Thanks for the laughs Ice and intehend

Iron Fist · 01-29-2009, 11:32 PM

Good stuff.

fangtastic · 01-29-2009, 11:37 PM

Fucking funny

kmanrox · 01-30-2009, 12:03 AM

lolllllll good ones vanilla!

NickB. · 01-30-2009, 12:22 AM

lololol great one

Shai West · 01-30-2009, 01:51 AM

xxx

D Ghost · 01-30-2009, 01:53 AM

ROFL , nice ones!

tranza · 01-30-2009, 07:56 AM

They're fucking funny!!!

HAPPYPEEKERS · 01-30-2009, 10:52 AM

haha very funny jokes :-)

Klen · 01-30-2009, 11:10 AM

Mad cow is best one

Kenny B! · 01-30-2009, 11:20 AM

I just sent these one by one to my g/f over IM

.... and then the fight started

Vicious_B · 01-30-2009, 11:35 AM

Best one:

Quote:

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy
Shit. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He
smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast
as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the
woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

01-29-2009, 11:53 AM	#1
Ice Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Sunny California Posts: 26,053	And then the fight started..... When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... So, I took her to a gas station..... And then the fight started.... ** My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... **** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. T he woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' And she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too' And then the fight started..... Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And then the fight started..... My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started..... I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started..... I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And then the fight started..... ** A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... __________________ icq 1904905

01-29-2009, 12:08 PM	#2
Phoenix BACON BACON BACON Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Poems everybody, the laddie fancies himself a poet Posts: 35,465	haha i love the dwarf one __________________ Skype Phoenixskype1 Telegram PhoenixBrad https://quantads.io

01-29-2009, 12:13 PM	#3
RyuLion ClubDomCash.com Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: San Diego Posts: 32,273	get back to work! __________________ Adult Biz Consultant A tech head since 1995

01-29-2009, 12:14 PM	#5
Compdoctor Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: True 3D Content Posts: 1,937	yep, the dwarf one got me too __________________ Content By Compdoctor- Original 3D Cartoon Work 3D Comics Anime Resource Accepting Toon/Hentai Links

01-29-2009, 12:18 PM	#6
Tom_PM Porn Meister Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 16,443	LOL those are great __________________ 43-922-863 Shut up and play your guitar.

01-29-2009, 12:20 PM	#7
doridori So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canadia Posts: 2,222	time for a divorce.

01-29-2009, 12:42 PM	#8
NetHorse Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 3,526	------------ I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started.... ------------- A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Shit. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?' And then the fight started..... ------------------ I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started.... -------------------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... --------------------- My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... __________________ ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐ ICQ # 427013273

01-29-2009, 12:51 PM	#9
John-ACWM Work Work Work Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: EU Posts: 20,060	The dwarf and the mad cow are the best __________________ Video Chat Forum

01-29-2009, 12:54 PM	#10
AsianDivaGirlsWebDude Purveyor, Fine Asian Porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Francisco Bay Area Posts: 38,323	Three guys walk into a bar... The fourth guy ducks. ADG __________________ Asian Diva Girls - Exclusive Photos and Videos Asian Diva Girls Affiliate Program (50% ccBill Revshare)

01-29-2009, 12:55 PM	#11
RuthB Let's Get Paxumized! Industry Role: Join Date: May 2005 Location: Vancouver, Canada Posts: 7,247	those are great! __________________ Send & Receive Mass Global Payments - Mass P2P/Wire/EFT/SEPA - Adult Industry Friendly - Award Winning Payment Service - Fast, Reliable & Secure! Paxum ...... Paxum Bank Email: [email protected] ~ Telegram: PaxumRuth

01-29-2009, 12:57 PM	#12
undersoul Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: underground Posts: 1,212	haha some funny ones there! thanks! __________________ RIP TD

01-29-2009, 12:59 PM	#14
jmcb420 So Fucking Drunk Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,155	lmfao, "I'd like to phone a friend" __________________ I'm funner than AIDS, and easier to explain to your parents.

01-29-2009, 01:03 PM	#15
hypedough Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Now running NATS4: HypeDough.com! Posts: 3,743	The mad cow line is classic dude! __________________ Ricky D :: Hype Dough President \| XBIZ.net \| ICQ 172-939-826 AIM+Skype HypeDough \| [NATS4] Kayden420: ['09 '10 '11 XBIZ Nominee \| Exclusive & HD] \| ThePornScout: [Exclusive + Reality \| Amateurs Want to Become Pornstars]

01-29-2009, 01:03 PM	#16
Imortyl Pussycat Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Cali Posts: 5,449	those were hilarious, thanks for sharing __________________ Julie Larson julie {at} juicyads.com skype: imortylpussycat Buy & Sell Ads on The Most Sexy Advertising Network on the Planet available ad spots \| sign up now

01-29-2009, 01:08 PM	#18
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	thank you for the chuckle

01-29-2009, 07:29 PM	#19
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,947	Har har,that was good for a chuckle __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

01-29-2009, 07:45 PM	#20
gimo33 Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 5,599	LMAO! __________________ Galleries that sells www.highendcreatives.com Avail of the $10 per gallery, promo!! Highend Designs at Low Price. Contact us now!

01-29-2009, 11:25 PM	#21
Danny B Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,423	My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... Fuckin winner! Thanks for the laughs Ice and intehend __________________ Danny B ICQ: 407485488 SKYPE: DAN-DEVELOPMENT

01-29-2009, 11:32 PM	#22
Iron Fist Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 23,400	Good stuff. __________________ i like waffles

01-29-2009, 11:37 PM	#23
fangtastic fangtastic.net Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: www.fangtastic.net Posts: 20,639	Fucking funny __________________ ICQ 195 489 It's Fangtastic Prepare To Be Bitten

01-30-2009, 12:03 AM	#24
kmanrox aka K-Man Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: The Gutter Posts: 29,292	lolllllll good ones vanilla! __________________ Crypto HODLr Crypto mining Angel investor

01-30-2009, 12:22 AM	#25
NickB. Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 8,855	lololol great one

01-30-2009, 01:51 AM	#26
Shai West Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Still trying... Posts: 498	xxx __________________ Still not where I should have been by now...time to take matters into my own hands...

01-30-2009, 01:53 AM	#27
D Ghost null Industry Role: Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 9,820	ROFL , nice ones!

01-30-2009, 07:56 AM	#28
tranza ICQ: 197-556-237 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: BRASIL !!! Posts: 57,559	They're fucking funny!!! __________________ I'm just a newbie.

01-30-2009, 10:52 AM	#29
HAPPYPEEKERS Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Margaritaville Posts: 7,562	haha very funny jokes :-) __________________ Please Read All Of My Posts In A Sarcastic Tone So You Get The Full Effect!! HappyPeekers - April

01-30-2009, 11:10 AM	#30
Klen Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Little Vienna Posts: 32,235	Mad cow is best one

01-30-2009, 11:20 AM	#31
Kenny B! Confirmed Abuser Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Montreal Posts: 5,718	I just sent these one by one to my g/f over IM .... and then the fight started __________________ Kenny -at- YourPaysitePartner.com Skype: kennyb514 Do business with us: Your Paysite Partner Kenny's Pennies Sticky Dollars Radical Cash Indie Bucks Stand Ahead Read My Ambush Interview Here