gothweb

I am a bit inspired by the recent Singles Roll-call... so, as a poly person, I thought I would post a roll-call that is bound to get less response. Just to see if it gets any, I guess.

So, anyone polyamorous out there? People who believe in loving more than one person, people who prefer to have romantic relationships with more than one person. (Open networks or closed groups.) Also, if you do reply, give us an idea what kind of relationships you prefer.

(Please, don't post if you are a swinger but not poly... Having sex with more than one person is different from loving more than one person. Get your own roll-call. ;) )

Me first... Vail and I are looking for a third (female) to form a "Triad"... Three people acting otherwise like a committed couple would. So, any reply, or just the sound of crickets, the occasional tumbleweed, and the trolls?

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pornJester

I'm sure it's possible to love more than one person, but being with more than one person is a different story. One chick is complicated enough, two chicks would be a pain in the ass. I'd stick with the natural order of things if i were you.

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LunaC

Single, but poly in principal

thatdykeliz

Me, as well -- I'm in a triad with my husband and girlfriend, and I have a secondary partner who is female.

Our relationship works as an open network...all of us are free to see other people as secondaries, but there's an agreement that each of the other two people in our triad can veto a secondary relationship being discussed (before it starts) if there is a problem with the new secondary respecting our (the triad's) agreements, time and space needs, etc.

I'm really happy with the triad I'm in now...it's a family-oriented relationship, in that my girlfriend is a full partner in our lives and in our family. My daughter adores her, and my gf treats my daughter just as if she were her own child. My gf can't have children of her own, and we're discussing the idea of her having some of her eggs frozen, and then I would carry a child who was biologically my gf's and husband's offspring.

I just seem to default to a three-person relationship...that's how I feel most comfortable. Sex and friendship and life in a group of three just feel "right" to me.

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^R3K^

Hell, I need a few more women to satisfy in bed like I need a hole in my head..

;)

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gothweb

Yay, I'm not alone! (And in no mood to be lectured on my relationship preferences not being within the natural order of things. I will just dwell on the positive.)

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gothweb

Or, put another way, an extra woman to help satisfy the other one...

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thatdykeliz

LOL, Ian -- exactly what I was thinking...

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RATBOY

Ian you never cease to amaze me.

And yup, sounds like the deal I have goin on. She gets to see any woman she wants so long as I get to hear all the juicy details.

gothweb

Hmm. Not sure how similar it really is, depends on a lot of things.

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RATBOY

Then I think I need more details. I am very interested to hear the dynamics of your situation. Start typing, I am nuking the popcorn now.

cherrylula

I'm too greedy and don't like to share my man.

gothweb

Our situation is pretty normal. We're a couple, a man and a woman, who don't have sex with or date other people. It's the situation we're looking for that is interesting...

If we met the right girl, we would start by dating her, together. Sortof like a single person wanting to get to know someone, only there are to of us. We'd flirt, go on dates, be all confused, all the usual stuff. Hopefully, if it went well, eventually the three of us would become a triad (three-person couple). Just means we'd be close like a couple, in all the usual ways... companionship, trust, sex, etc. A team, like a healthy couple is a team.

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railz

How about leaving one girl for us single guys? Share and share alike


Seriously though, if it makes you happy then go for it. It's not for me, but if it makes you happy then do it.

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gothweb

Thanks. I like people with a hands-off attitude towards other peoples' preferences.

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RATBOY

This book has a great chapter on the psychology of triads/threesomes. Worth a look.

RATBOY

So you haven't actually been in this sort of situation as of yet, is that right? I would love to have been in on the conversation you had with vail when you decided to persue this. Got any cliff notes on that?

gothweb

Yeah, we haven't managed yet. Think about how hard it is for two people to click, now square that. Then divide by the percentage of girls who are bi... Then add the fact that people are less likely to socially approach a couple, even as friends.

The conversation was a while back. I was in a relationship where it was an option, and a little more actually happened, a while back. Vail always thought she was totally monogamous, until we started to talk about it. We had to work out exactly the situation that would work for us, but along the way she realized just how great it sounded. To have one more person to support each of us, one more person to be expecially close to...

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thatdykeliz

For me, this is the second time I've been part of a triad. The first time didn't work out...and saying simply "didn't work out" is possibly the greatest understatement of all time. Akin to saying, "The A-bomb dropped on Hiroshima knocked out a few windows here and there."

She wasn't poly, but she had moved in with us to share household expenses and to do graphics for a webdesign biz I was running. She claimed, a month after moving in, that she was in love with my partner, and that since we were poly, it should all be fine and there'd be hugs and puppies all around.

BBBZZZZZTTTT, wrong answer, but thank you for playing and here's a lovely parting gift.

She wasn't poly, but she read all the books and mouthed all the right phrases and lied through her fucking teeth, saying one thing to my partner and quite another to me. It all went to hell on a greased rocket-slide, and three months of utter miserableness ensued.

What did I learn from all of that? Never get involved with someone who is not already polyamorous and fairly kinky. Mixed marriages -- ie, poly/kinky and non-poly/kinky -- suck. They suck great big hairy sweaty goat balls.

My gf now is poly, was before she met me -- and through me, my partner -- and my secondary sweetie is poly as well, and while it hasn't all been hugs and puppies, necessarily, it's worked out a damn sight better than with the non-poly woman, who was in it just to get my husband away from me and all for her own.

Just my , and this has all been much on my mind lately, since my gf will now be moving into the same apartment complex with us and will be even further entwined in our lives...it's exhilerating to think of, but also mighty scary, for someone with the track record we have.

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cherrylula

I'm curious as to how long a situation like that can last, both functionally and comfortable for all parties involved.

I found this:

http://www.polygamy.com/Personals/Index.htm



and this:

http://www.3coins.com/

cherrylula

Somebody call the doctor!

<img src=http://www.3coins.com/3ccoverp.gif>

Fletch XXX

hahaha love?

Above my Mother and my Girl, I doubt I could put up with another woman in my life.

I need not the attention or direction another girl would add .

Ive always thought people that need love are mssing something inside. Like girls that need attention. Its a simple philosophy. I wont argue the psychology of these Triads, but to be honest sounds silly and shallow - "Oh honey I love you but I always really love Kelly"

Be a fucking man and tell her you wanna fuck other girls (which is what it boils down to) dont beat around the bush claiming its some cool love triangle thing. You arent satisfied, move along.

if youre gonna do it , then do it right.

Bottom line is: I could be loveless and be fine.

"Of Love, we don't speak anymore"

hehehe

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gothweb

Polygamy != Polyamory

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cherrylula

Hey what is the difference between the two? Is there?

dictionary.com = "No entry found for polyamory."

Is it just the lack of marriage?

gothweb

There is a very large polyamorous ("poly") community out there. They may have coined their own phrase, but a lot of people use it. Of course, like any community, they use it in a variety of ways.

In general, what they have in common is the idea that it is possible (and preferable) to love more than one person. The details, especially of who is in a relationship with whom, vary a lot. I couldn't cover it all here, especially as I am not terribly active in the community, and have a pretty specific thing in mind personally.

Ployamory technically means multiple-love. Polygamy technically means multiple-marriage. Of course, that means a lot of overlap. The main difference comes in the contingent details. Polygamy, these days, almost always means that a man gets to have two "sister-wives".... as in, women who are "family", but not romantically involved with one another.

Besides the somewhat oppressive sexism that this sometimes includes, this practice tends to give "poly" a pretty bad name due to the connections to the past. It has some polyamorous underpinnings, but also harkens back to mormon ideas of giving men more to play with. To each his own, of course, but I wouldn't go for that.

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Jon

swingers and players are my kinda deal!

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Sly_RJ

Wow.

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cherrylula

I don't think there is anything wrong with a young couple who decides they both want to get involved with another female. But honestly, how many situations like that last happily ever after? And I am refererring to meaningful relationships, not fuck buddies.

I look at it this way: So you are young and in a serious relationship, one day you both decide you want more. And that is fine. But honestly looking at my own personal relationship right now I could not see another female in the mix, it just would not happen. There is no possibility of another female fitting in and functioning on the same level, as we are very close and give each other lots of attention. We are in this for the long run, and growing old and being happy in a relationship with another female in the mix just would not happen. It sounds great if you all just want to fool around more and experiment, but just not something solid to count on for the future.

2 women = one too many variables and disaster in the making

And that is just referring to a serious, long term relationship, so please do not take offense if that is your gig.

In the natural order and balance of things, applying to life in general, I just do not see how two females and one male works. It only makes sense to me if a couple is not satisfied with each other, and lacking something, so they feel that they need a third female. Or you just want to fuck other people.

Maybe I am just old fashioned or lacking wisdom but I am very satisfied in my relationship, and another female in the mix? There is just no way.

cherrylula

What about two men and one female? In one happy relationship.

Does that happen often?

And NO we are not accepting applications. Cuz I know some of you want Fletch's ass.

Sly_RJ

I'm on my way over...

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RATBOY

I totally believe it is possible for anyone to be in love with two people at the same time. How often does it work? Well, how often do successful marriages work? How often do most monogomous relationships end when infidelity comes into play? I would wager the majority.

Now take that out of the equation for polygomous/polyamourus relationships and the potential for more successful relationships exists in theory. Of course honesty has to be the driving factor behind any relationhip or it will not work, that goes for a relationship of any structure.