they always fuck you at the drive-thru

- a friend with weed is a friend indeed

If you want something done exactly how you want it, you have to do it yourself

Taking the higher road saves you time and stress

Do whatever you can to put people at ease when you speak to them, make a joke, smile, whatever. They are easier work with when it is cordial.

Listen to your mama

0-26....

Here's mine!

Anything worth having is worth working hard for.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones..

Clean your own house before starting on others houses...

Hey your right.. :1orglaugh

The visual of Martin sitting there trying to lick his own elbow.. is just tooo much!

Can we have a actual photo of it? please 0 please

Never try to walk while you're peeing. You'll get your pants wet.
(Supreme advice for those of you who insist on waiting till after the bar closes to take your 10 min beer piss in the alley out back).

:winkwink:

This thread could be a long thread, but here's some other stuff I've learned along the way:

-- Some women talk because they want to solve a problem. Others talk because they just want someone to listen. Knowing to tell the difference serves a man well in life.

-- [I learned this with my mom's passing last year] When you die, you will be judged by the living based on your compassion, your kindness, and your gifts to others. [Being tough, rich, or a stud...normally die with you. Unless you've taken those skills to notable extremes.]

-- The most enjoyable things in life can't be bought. A dish well cooked. Watching the sunrise together after talking through each other's problems. A smile that comes to your face when you realize something or you've solved a problem.

-- Denial and Delusion cast aside, the number one thing people desire in this world is acceptance. Similarly, the number one thing people hate in this world is rejection.

-- Love exists, it just takes a while to recognize it.

When your 5 year old daughter says "fuck" in her tiny little voice at home, it's cute, when she does it in public, you find a table to crawl under fast enough.........

The credit belongs to he man who is actually in the arena ....

There is no spoon.

Never go to a 9-5 job, and like it.

Never offer a lift to someone when you don't know the destination.

There is a master plan. But, I'm not going to tell you what it is. :)

Never believe someone who says "it's not about the money" and run very fast and far away from that person.

I have learned not to ask anymore a question to your loved one unless you are really ready to get an answer. May times I asked a question and didn't want to hear the answer, when I than received the answer I didn't want to hear, I was devastated.

So, unless you really really want to have the answer to a question you rather he/she lies to you prepare yourself or don't ask it.

shit... I say that all the time. In-fact I think it's in my profile here or was..

Damn I knew I was doomed

:helpme

- No matter how many guarantees you are given, if the person doesn't keep his word with the simplest of things, then he's not worth doing a minute of your time.

- Give without expecting anything in return.

- Help whoever wants to help themselves

- Know your enemy and watch your friends

Always give without expecting anything in return.

Oh and this one too...
Never take advice from someone who isn't doing better than you are.

:thumbsup

Never believe someone who says "it's not about the money" and run very fast and far away from that person.

-------------------------

i so agree with you... =)

My (fictional) mentor himself...
http://www.bobgod.com/writer/lazaruslong.html

to which I will add another wise man's advice...
"Never whistle when you're pissing, and don't ask questions when you're being blown."

Hmm...Seemed to have duped someone elses'

How bout,

Life doesn't always turn out as planned. ;)

Here's one I tell my kids:

Life's not fair - get over it

Money can't buy you happiness but it allows you to choose your miseries.

ahh just thought of somemore


-life sucks then you DIE.

-Let he who is without sin cast the first stone

-Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one

-Everything that can go wrong Will!

-Eat your Veggies

-you only get about 5 real friends in life
-never trust ANY woman
-never trust ANYONE you havnt know for 5 years
-shoot first ask questions later

great!

disagree about money though: money buys totally nothing.

Also, see what behaviour (lying, cheating, violence) certain people are afraid of and beware that what they are afraid of is exactly what You can get from them.

- Don't be friends with anyone, but be friendly to everyone.

- Desiring something makes it extraordinary, aquiring makes it ordinary.

- To find someone you can trust completely, visit the nearest cemetary. Everyone changes.

- There are two ways to be weathy. 1: Get more 2: Want less

- People will meet your expectations as long as you don't have any.

- If you can't give something without caring whether it gets returned or paid back, don't give it.

Hoes don't come before bros!

I heard that one last week and it totally made sense.

:)

DH

You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows...

it's all fun and games until someone get's their scrotum caught in the door....

life's a bitch, then you marry one....


better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick...but what ISN'T better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick...


don't shit where you eat....

This is not a rehearsal so live every moment as if it's your last.

I made all the mistakes and more. This is what I've learnt;

Make a mistake once and you're human
Make the same mistake twice and you're foolish.
Make it three times and you're an idiot.

I've been married three time:1orglaugh

or a sucker for punishement

-People are selfish and most will back stab you to get what they want...in other words, trust no one

-You never know when your going to lose someone, so apperciate them while they are still here

-99% of men will cheat.....they just cant resist getting their dicks wet

-men make better friends

- anal is not as fun as pornos try and make it out to be!

- Don't trust people that only like you because of something that you do or have - when it disappears, they will too

- True friends come before business, business comes before pleasure and women.

- With the right attitude, ANYTHING is possible

never piss into the wind.

taking back condoms because they're too small gets you weird looks

duno why, shouldn't they be impressed?

what have i learnt..
- never trust somone you met online.

-- each person on earth has their own idea of "reality", and you're a stubborn fool if you think you can convince them that your reality is more valid.

-- never get involved with someone who practices the "Evil Overlord Method" of making friends and dealing with others.

-- Sometimes you have to compromise...other times you just gotta nuke the entire site from orbit and move on.

-- if someone says "This tastes like shit, here, try it", say NO.

-- when children who are not in your immediate line of sight get too quiet, it's time to panic.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye...then it's a new game: find the eye.

You hit the nail on the head with that one hahah

When running large corporate sites, always run the
staging server on a seperate box.

There's nothing like a phone call at 4am from an angry
CEO that found a directory full of porn just because
he can't type.

do not fuck around


:1orglaugh

I learned it the hard way...my kid was about 15 months old, playing in her room. I was all thrilled because it was the first time ever she'd played alone in her room without hanging onto my leg and generally running halfway up my ass when I came to a halt...after about 15 minutes I decided I'd better check on her, just in case.

She had covered every single surface in her room with most of a full tube of diaper ointment. :(

"you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit"

Ignorance is no excuse it is merely ignorance!

At that age I just love that blank stare you get when you yell at em when they are doing something like that.

"Don't take any guff from these swine..."

I've learned that when momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy.

Feeling a little insecure ? Buy a gun !

The things that come to he who waits are the things left there by the guys who got there first.