Fuck the $750 - lets have a laugh - GoFuckYourself.com

Krome · 10-05-2002, 11:17 AM

A chicken farmer wakes up and goes to check on his prize cock. As he nears the coop he can see two legs sticking up in the air. It's on its back, stone dead. The devastated farmer wanders about crying in anguish. This rooster, with the best tackle he had ever seen, had been servicing his hens for years.
The farmer looks through the local classifieds for a new cock. He finds an ad, phones the number and arranges to see one that afternoon. He pulls up in his van, and a man comes over:
"Are you here about the cock"? "Yes" replies the farmer. "Follow me"....he follows the man to a coop where a hugely-endowed rooster is strutting about.>
"Jesus" says the farmer. "He's amazing, how much? "A fiver."
"Why so cheap? Is he sterile?" "No, far from it" "What's wrong with him then?" "He's a talking cock" "Who cares, I'll take him."
He bundles his new stud into the back of his van and goes home. The cock spends the whole journey shouting "I need some birds, my loins are hot for your hens".
They arrive, the farmer lets the cock out and he struts about shouting "where are they, let me at 'em !!" The farmer points in the direction of 5 huge hen coops, the rooster disappears in a cloud of dust, and the farmer retires to his house for a cup of tea.
Two hours later there is a knock at the door. Looking distinctly knackered and short of a few feathers the cock comes into the kitchen. The farmer tells him he should take a nap.
"What?!" screams the cock "I'm not finished" "But you've shagged 500 hens?" "I'm not finished," yells the cock "You must have some more birds" "......Well, there's the ducks by the pond.."
A huge cloud of dust and the cock is gone.
An hour later the rooster returns, gasping, and nearly bald.
"My god, are you alright"? says the farmer. "Come in and have some supper" "No way," says the cock, "I've still got a full sack. Have you got any more birds"?
"Well," says the farmer, "You could try the geese, but be careful, they're big buggers" "Great!" says the cock. "Where are they"? The farmer points to the hill behind the farmhouse. A huge cloud of dust, and the farmer is on his own again.
The farmer has his supper and falls asleep. The next morning the farmer goes outside and looks for his prize rooster. He is nowhere to be found. The farmer looks towards the hill and can see vultures circling above.
"Oh my God!" He runs over, and as he approaches he can see two chicken-legs pointing up at the sky. The cock is on its back. "Aaah, noooo" shouts the farmer. "The geese have killed him" Distraught, he goes over to the cock, leans down and says "Are you OK"?
The cock opens an eye and whispers "Fuck off, will you? They're just about to land..........?"

Kat - Fast · 10-05-2002, 11:36 AM

LOL

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't. In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, 'Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?'
He replied, 'Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box.'
Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times. 'But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?' she asked. 'Every time I got a dozen, I sold them.'

Krome · 10-05-2002, 12:08 PM

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman says to the Chihuahua guy, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The guy with the Doberman says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, he puts on a pair of dark glasses, and starts to walk in. The doorman says, "Sorry, no pets allowed." The Doberman guy says, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog." The doorman says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."...."OK, come on in."
The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of shades and starts to walk in. The doorman again says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The Chihuahua guy says
"You don't understand. This is my guide dog." "What, a bleeding Chihuahua?"
The guy says, "You mean the bastards gave me a Chihuahua?"

Krome · 10-05-2002, 12:50 PM

A Lesson in Government (can also be applied to Visa)

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

Paul Markham · 10-05-2002, 01:03 PM

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!
Please don't open the picture before you have read the text

A few day's ago when I visited a gas station, a blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten!? We all looked at each other and suddenly one customer asked, what is a seven-hundred-ten?

She replied.....you know the little piece in the middle of the engine, I've lost it and need a new one.

The guy at the gas station asked: "what's it used for?"....... she replied that she didn't know, but this piece has always been there.

The guy gave her a paper and a pen and asked her to explain how the piece looked like.

The blonde started to draw a 6 cm circle and in the middle she wrote 710.

OPEN THIS

10-05-2002, 11:17 AM	#1
Krome Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: London - UK Posts: 2,851	Fuck the $750 - lets have a laugh A chicken farmer wakes up and goes to check on his prize cock. As he nears the coop he can see two legs sticking up in the air. It's on its back, stone dead. The devastated farmer wanders about crying in anguish. This rooster, with the best tackle he had ever seen, had been servicing his hens for years. The farmer looks through the local classifieds for a new cock. He finds an ad, phones the number and arranges to see one that afternoon. He pulls up in his van, and a man comes over: "Are you here about the cock"? "Yes" replies the farmer. "Follow me"....he follows the man to a coop where a hugely-endowed rooster is strutting about.> "Jesus" says the farmer. "He's amazing, how much? "A fiver." "Why so cheap? Is he sterile?" "No, far from it" "What's wrong with him then?" "He's a talking cock" "Who cares, I'll take him." He bundles his new stud into the back of his van and goes home. The cock spends the whole journey shouting "I need some birds, my loins are hot for your hens". They arrive, the farmer lets the cock out and he struts about shouting "where are they, let me at 'em !!" The farmer points in the direction of 5 huge hen coops, the rooster disappears in a cloud of dust, and the farmer retires to his house for a cup of tea. Two hours later there is a knock at the door. Looking distinctly knackered and short of a few feathers the cock comes into the kitchen. The farmer tells him he should take a nap. "What?!" screams the cock "I'm not finished" "But you've shagged 500 hens?" "I'm not finished," yells the cock "You must have some more birds" "......Well, there's the ducks by the pond.." A huge cloud of dust and the cock is gone. An hour later the rooster returns, gasping, and nearly bald. "My god, are you alright"? says the farmer. "Come in and have some supper" "No way," says the cock, "I've still got a full sack. Have you got any more birds"? "Well," says the farmer, "You could try the geese, but be careful, they're big buggers" "Great!" says the cock. "Where are they"? The farmer points to the hill behind the farmhouse. A huge cloud of dust, and the farmer is on his own again. The farmer has his supper and falls asleep. The next morning the farmer goes outside and looks for his prize rooster. He is nowhere to be found. The farmer looks towards the hill and can see vultures circling above. "Oh my God!" He runs over, and as he approaches he can see two chicken-legs pointing up at the sky. The cock is on its back. "Aaah, noooo" shouts the farmer. "The geese have killed him" Distraught, he goes over to the cock, leans down and says "Are you OK"? The cock opens an eye and whispers "Fuck off, will you? They're just about to land..........?"

10-05-2002, 01:03 PM	#5
Paul Markham Too old to care Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: On the sofa, watching TV or doing my jigsaws. Posts: 52,943	ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!! Please don't open the picture before you have read the text A few day's ago when I visited a gas station, a blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten!? We all looked at each other and suddenly one customer asked, what is a seven-hundred-ten? She replied.....you know the little piece in the middle of the engine, I've lost it and need a new one. The guy at the gas station asked: "what's it used for?"....... she replied that she didn't know, but this piece has always been there. The guy gave her a paper and a pen and asked her to explain how the piece looked like. The blonde started to draw a 6 cm circle and in the middle she wrote 710. OPEN THIS __________________ Blowout deal. 880 videos, 2,400 image sets, plus many RAW videos. $500. PM me for a deal. Skype Paulmarkham70

10-05-2002, 11:36 AM	#2
Kat - Fast Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: The bushes behind your house Posts: 2,303	LOL Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't. In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, 'Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?' He replied, 'Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box.' Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times. 'But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?' she asked. 'Every time I got a dozen, I sold them.'

10-05-2002, 12:08 PM	#3
Krome Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: London - UK Posts: 2,851	There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman says to the Chihuahua guy, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, he puts on a pair of dark glasses, and starts to walk in. The doorman says, "Sorry, no pets allowed." The Doberman guy says, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog." The doorman says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."...."OK, come on in." The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of shades and starts to walk in. The doorman again says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The Chihuahua guy says "You don't understand. This is my guide dog." "What, a bleeding Chihuahua?" The guy says, "You mean the bastards gave me a Chihuahua?"

10-05-2002, 12:50 PM	#4
Krome Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: London - UK Posts: 2,851	A Lesson in Government (can also be applied to Visa) A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.'' ''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny. ''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad. ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''