Best Craigslist posting ever!!!!! - GoFuckYourself.com

jbrasco951 · 01-30-2008, 06:12 PM

From craiglist...

It's me! Every girl ever.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST

Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

uno · 01-30-2008, 06:41 PM

That's at least 45% of the non-strippers i know.

NosMo · 01-30-2008, 06:52 PM

And this is why you feed you date Jaeger shots with redbull so she is smashed but awake so its not rape.....

NosMo

seeric · 01-30-2008, 07:00 PM

i woulda banged her on the first night.

KCM · 01-31-2008, 12:06 AM

OMG, you are so right...

LOOPNAME Se Vende! · 01-31-2008, 12:45 AM

I think this is good thanks

D Ghost · 02-06-2008, 01:26 AM

tee heee heeee

Mutt · 02-06-2008, 01:34 AM

haha pretty bang on - life and people are so predictable. comforting for some, horrible for others.

SexualDragon · 02-06-2008, 06:34 AM

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/forums/?ID=82348370

Boobs · 02-06-2008, 06:36 AM

u-Bob · 02-06-2008, 07:22 AM

lol

BaldBishop · 02-06-2008, 07:29 AM

Z · 02-06-2008, 08:42 AM

If it flies, floats or fucks, rent it.

Mister E · 02-06-2008, 08:43 AM

funny, true, damn

trevmachine · 02-06-2008, 09:15 AM

I enjoyed that thoroughly.

END TRANSMISSION

Brother Bilo · 02-06-2008, 09:20 AM

Man, I used to date girls like that, only I'd just stay the night before I never called.

carol.prime · 02-06-2008, 12:51 PM

its worth to read. this will take away all your worries in just minutes. lol!!
so funny.

pr0 · 02-06-2008, 01:56 PM

wow that post summed up every date I've had in 10 years....except i fucked them all on the first date

cept for 2

but hey, 2 out of 300 isn't bad

DigitalDruid · 02-06-2008, 02:38 PM

dead on..... thats crazy.... Poor bugger that wrote that is gay now. Or he is married and talking about the failed mistresses

Honez · 02-06-2008, 02:50 PM

Ahahaha!

IndustryTruth · 02-06-2008, 02:54 PM

Nice -

Yanto · 02-06-2008, 04:14 PM

I cant believe i actually read the whole story. lol

tranza · 02-06-2008, 04:39 PM

Boring..........

firecracker · 02-07-2008, 03:58 PM

wow, all I can say is...I am glad NOT to be dating anymore. Geez

Bdiddy · 02-07-2008, 04:14 PM

That was pretty good.

GITZINGER · 02-07-2008, 04:15 PM

damn, that is my exact dating experience all thru my 20's

good find!

01-30-2008, 06:12 PM	#1
jbrasco951 Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 597	Best Craigslist posting ever!!!!! From craiglist... It's me! Every girl ever. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST Knock knock Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in. Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment. You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it. Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles! Come on into the living room. Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen. Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that. And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches. Let's go back into the hallway! Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back... Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go! Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe. Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales. Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute! Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out. Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on! See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you! Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back. I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now. Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night! __________________ Johnny Brasco The Best Radio Producer ever! ICQ# 208929056 Yahoo: jbrasco951

01-30-2008, 06:41 PM	#2
uno RIP Dodger. BEST.CAT.EVER Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: NYC Area Posts: 18,450	That's at least 45% of the non-strippers i know. __________________ -uno icq: 111-914 CrazyBabe.com - porn art MojoHost - For all your hosting needs, present and future. Tell them I sent ya!

01-30-2008, 06:52 PM	#3
NosMo Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Sin city Posts: 1,025	And this is why you feed you date Jaeger shots with redbull so she is smashed but awake so its not rape..... NosMo __________________ All BBW * Sign up today and cash those fat checks! * All the time C H U B B Y C H E C K S BBW Porn Pass * Big & Brutal * Princess Lissa * Big Blow Job Chicks * Elizabeth Rollings * BBW Zine * Plumper TV

01-31-2008, 12:45 AM	#6
LOOPNAME Se Vende! Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Mexico Se Vende! Posts: 64	I think this is good thanks __________________ Domains For Sale Email: LoopName@gmail★com

02-06-2008, 01:34 AM	#8
Mutt Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 34,431	haha pretty bang on - life and people are so predictable. comforting for some, horrible for others. __________________ I moved my sites to Vacares Hosting. I've saved money, my hair is thicker, lost some weight too! Thanks Sly!

01-30-2008, 07:00 PM	#4
seeric .......... Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: .......... Posts: 41,917	i woulda banged her on the first night.

01-31-2008, 12:06 AM	#5
KCM Registered User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Tennesee Posts: 19	OMG, you are so right...

02-06-2008, 01:26 AM	#7
D Ghost null Industry Role: Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 9,820	tee heee heeee

02-06-2008, 06:34 AM	#9
SexualDragon Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 3,038	http://sfbay.craigslist.org/forums/?ID=82348370 __________________ Make 2009 a great year with Tiffany Preston 436-127-934

02-06-2008, 06:36 AM	#10
Boobs Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 7,875	__________________ Join the fucking best in big tit sponsors!!!

02-06-2008, 07:22 AM	#11
u-Bob there's no $$$ in porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: icq: 195./568.-230 (btw: not getting offline msgs) Posts: 33,063	lol

02-06-2008, 07:29 AM	#12
BaldBishop Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,115	__________________

02-06-2008, 08:42 AM	#13
Z Vidi Vici Veni Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 6,308	If it flies, floats or fucks, rent it.

02-06-2008, 08:43 AM	#14
Mister E Confirmed User Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 958	funny, true, damn __________________ [email protected] ICQ 382987380 www.guerillatraffic.com Micro Niche Traffic Hit me up for FREE Plugins That Pay!

02-06-2008, 09:15 AM	#15
trevmachine Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 25	I enjoyed that thoroughly. END TRANSMISSION

02-06-2008, 09:20 AM	#16
Brother Bilo Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: I live in cage Posts: 4,193	Man, I used to date girls like that, only I'd just stay the night before I never called. __________________

02-06-2008, 12:51 PM	#17
carol.prime Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Manila, Philippines Posts: 6,960	its worth to read. this will take away all your worries in just minutes. lol!! so funny. __________________ Prime Outsourcing \| offshore staffing solutions \| manual labor \| employee leasing \| full time employees starting at $695.00/month = managed and dedicated icq.: 309570461 live chat

02-06-2008, 01:56 PM	#18
pr0 rockin tha trailerpark Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: ~Coastal~ Posts: 23,088	wow that post summed up every date I've had in 10 years....except i fucked them all on the first date cept for 2 but hey, 2 out of 300 isn't bad __________________ __________ Loadedca$h - get sum! - Revengebucks - mmm rebills! - webair (gotz sErVrz)

02-06-2008, 02:38 PM	#19
DigitalDruid Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 647	dead on..... thats crazy.... Poor bugger that wrote that is gay now. Or he is married and talking about the failed mistresses __________________ Get on here and make some ca$h

02-06-2008, 02:50 PM	#20
Honez Confirmed Brat Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Colorado Springs, CO Posts: 6,636	Ahahaha! __________________ Your Paysite Partner Hone at YourPaysitePartner dot Com Skype - Stressmonkey

02-06-2008, 02:54 PM	#21
IndustryTruth Registered User Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 61	Nice -

02-06-2008, 04:14 PM	#22
Yanto Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Asia Pacific Region Posts: 523	I cant believe i actually read the whole story. lol __________________ [B][COLOR="Orange"]Contact me Yanto - Skype: yanto_webcashassoc

02-06-2008, 04:39 PM	#23
tranza ICQ: 197-556-237 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: BRASIL !!! Posts: 57,559	Boring.......... __________________ I'm just a newbie.

02-07-2008, 03:58 PM	#24
firecracker Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Sacramento ca Posts: 653	wow, all I can say is...I am glad NOT to be dating anymore. Geez __________________ When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.

02-07-2008, 04:14 PM	#25
Bdiddy Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Seattle & Manila Posts: 2,456	That was pretty good. __________________ "..and which one of you had the prime rib?" - Waiter "frankly, I don't see how that's any of your business!" - Peter Griffin

02-07-2008, 04:15 PM	#26
GITZINGER Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: up your sisters ass Posts: 929	damn, that is my exact dating experience all thru my 20's good find! __________________ Your momma was a ho!!!