CumSensei

I got this today and almost cracked a rib as I was reading it :D

Dear Sir or Madam,
>
> Do you have any footage, where a woman or women (topless or naked) milk a cow, goat, sheep, ... by hand?
>
> They don't have to fuck the animal just milk and squeez the udder teats.
>
> Or do you know somebody (companies), which got material about this special topic or could produce it? .... and what would be the production cost?
>
> Thank you very much for your help.
>
> Yours faithfully
>
> Marc Andrey

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Lev

haha funny shit

Shooter

Just the Village Idiot

Man -- you could've removed the name...

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We may as well just give this fucking $$$ away!</a>

CumSensei

Haha why...you know the fellow? :D

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Sly_RJ

No... it's him!

Stamm321

Ive seen all kinds of wierd shit from surfers.
one guy hired me to shoot a 1/2 hour video of a girl getting her foot stuck in a bowling ball... that was it.. no nudity.. nothing
just frustration at having her big toe stuck in a bowling ball.....
theres some real freaks out there!

Bigdogg

Surfer's like the crazy shit!!

Just the Village Idiot

LOL! Not at all.

That's right Sly... it's me... I've been outed!!!

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We may as well just give this fucking $$$ away!</a>

Cheshire

I'd take milking a cow topless over getting my toe stuck in a bowling ball 30 minutes ANYDAY ~ that sounds SO annoying!

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just a little bit naughty

jojojo

OK, let's set up a shoot :^)-~

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EscortBiz

Many gross requests
I wont even publish them specially from guys is saudi its crazy what they want

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SykkBoy

well, I'll bring the cow if...........

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kinkyplace

Why do you laugh? It's people like this you can make money on. The ones who just want to see naked teens can do that for free.

PaulSweet

We have people asking us to "free the slaves" on SadoSlaves.com all the time....

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KingK7

twinkley

Okay, 2 funny letters here...

First one is from a guy cancelling. When asked why he was cancelling his reply "Uhhh...sorry, I was all coked up at the time"


Second one was from a guy emailing us about our site name. The name of the site is F-spot "teen-o-rama"

The guy was REALLY pissed and demanded that we change our site name because RAMA is the name of his god and we are using it in vain.... My reply: dude, start with the local bowl-a-rama and then come talk to us hahahahahahaha

twinkley

ThePimpDaddy

It's a LONG mother fucker, but got it today actually...

-----------------------------------------------
Hi:

I collect custom made videos. Do you do customs? If so, I have a script that I have attached that I would like you to look over. let me know what you think and maybe we can work something out.

Here Cums The Bride

Here is a brief scenario. You are a Bride-to be and shaking like a leaf you are so nervous on your wedding day. You are smoking like a fiend but still even that doesn?t calm you down. Your sister-in-law to be has suggested a few belts of tequila and has even left a bottle of Jose Cuevero Gold for you. Unbeknownst to you she is secretly trying to prevent the wedding and your fiancé?s family is adamantly opposed to you being in the family. They think you are just after Karl?s money.

You finish your smoke and are still terribly nervous. The large bottle and shot glass are they?re staring at you. Oh, what the hell. One little shot won?t hurt. You fill the shot glass, wish yourself luck and down it. Ooooo, that?s strong. You feel the warmth overtake your body. Maybe one more little drinkie and a smoke and you will be fine. You light yourself a smoke and pour a shot and slam it down! Wow! But the approaching warmth gives you a false sense of security. Time to put on your make-up.

Contentedly you apply your make-up as you smoke with a sexy satisfaction. You decide to have just one more drink, besides you can handle it. You pour a third shot and down it quickly. The affects of the alcohol are all ready affecting your judgment because you become very bold with your make-up. You use a bright ruby red lipstick, lots of blush and eye make-up. Much to bold for a blushing bride on her wedding day but hey, it?s the alcohol and you want to look sexy for Karl. As you get close to finishing your make-up, you decide just one more drink, the last you promise yourself, will do. You pour and down shot #4 quickly. Ahhhh. You thank your future sister-in-law. She was so right to suggest a couple of drinks before the ceremony. You?ll be all ready before your maid of honor comes to pick you up.

Time to get dressed. Without thinking you have poured yourself a fifth shot and down it before you even realize what you have done. Was that another I drink I just had? You ask yourself. You giggle a little and light up another cigarette. This is going to be the greatest day of your life you tell yourself. In front of your mirror, you playfully remove your clothes like a stripper. You shake and twirl around having a good time. Checking your wonderfully beautiful nude body out in front of the mirror you decide to pour yourself just one more drink you promise yourself, to celebrate the fact that soon Karl will have sole use of your body. You pour a shot of your friend Mr. Tequila and salute yourself, and then it?s down the hatch. Hey that was shot number 6, seven is your lucky number and you want to day to be your lucky day so why not have a seventh and last shot. Down the hatch it goes. Woo Hoo! Yes sir?life is great.

Without realizing it, you begin to rub your hands up and down your body. All over your smooth skin and you begin to tingle. Soon you are playing with your breasts. You pull and yank and twist them and lift them up and let them drop. Soon you twist, turn and tweak your sensitive nipples until you have several little cums. Soon your fingers work their way down to your moist pussy. Slowly at first but with an increasing sense of urgency you begin to stimulate your clitoris and love tunnel. Faster and faster, oh it feels soooo goood. Ahhhhh, you cum!

Breathless and despite the haze of the increased alcohol intake, you are so worked up now you are afraid you might actually orgasm during the ceremony?just one more shot and a smoke should help you settle down. Down goes shot number eight of Jose?what a good buddy he is and now for a smoke. You light up and practice your sexiest smoking. Hell, you are so horny you must have to one more drink, just one more and no more after that. That?s it you say as you down shot number eight. Oh what the fuck, you are so horny you grab your dildo and begin sucking it, imagining it is Karl?s huge cock. You love his size, that filled up feeling, the way he can go on and on for hours. Soon you are fucking yourself?oh fuck me Karl, fuck me hard, you scream. You have a massive cum. You puff away on your smoke?you have to get a hold of yourself.

You remind yourself it is almost time to be picked up for the wedding. Just one more drink you say. This is really the last one. You quickly pour a drink and down it. Boy, things are sort of blurry as you try and focus your eyes. You feel light headed and giddy. Your legs aren?t working right. You stumble to get dressed. In an alcoholic induced fog you decide to for go your wedding dress and dress up in the sluttiest clothes you have and your 6? heels. Better remind Karl what he is getting for a bride and so you can get him to tear up that ridiculous pre-nuptial agreement had you sign. You laugh about it as you get all sluttied up and even have another shot to celebrate the fact you figure with your screwing ability, you will fuck that bastard to death with in 6 months and inherit his millions. You get your last heel on and stand in front of the mirror admiring how you look.

The phone rings. You stumble, stagger, fall down laughing and end up crawling to the phone. You answer in slurred speech. It?s your mother and she is just checking that you are ready. You have this drunken conversation with her. She worries and asks you if you are OK. You assure her you are, just a little nervous. After you hang up you decide you might just need another drink, just to be sure. You can handle it you reassure yourself.

After great difficulty, you make it back to the table where your bottle with its ever-dwindling contents and shot glass are. With some difficulty you pour yourself a glass and salute yourself??Here Cums The Bride,? you toast yourself and down the shot. Attempting to strut sexily around the room, smoking as seductively as you know how, bottle in tow, you stagger drunkenly around the room singing your own version of the bride?s song. You take several swigs straight from the bottle. Suddenly, your eyes roll back into your head and you pass out, bottle in hand with a smile of things to come on your face.

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CumSensei

HAHA!
So did you do that movie ;)

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chodadog

Tell him to have a watch of the new Prodigy Video; Baby's got a Temper. They're not entirely topless, damn tassles, but i think he'll enjoy it anyways

ThePimpDaddy

No, the whore which he wanted to make a move left the stable a little over a year ago.. Fuck, the dumb azz bitch is getting more decent crap come in now then she ever fucking did when she was here and working with me.
Let's see, there was that one, and then this one also..

----------------------------------------------
Dear Misty,

My name is Melissa and I am Producer at The Jenny Jones Show. We are putting together a show to be taped next Thursday, September 5, that I would love for you to be a part of if you are interested.
The show is about BBWs who are "too big, beautiful, and sexy to get a date". Basically, I am looking for single, fun loving, outgoing, larger women who could have a lot of fun with our audience and on our show. It's great publicity too!!
If you are at all interested, or might know someone who would be, please give me a call at your earliest convenience at my direct, 24-hour, toll-free number 1-800-555-1212. (if you cant tell, number change)
I can't wait to hear from you!!!
Melissa

-----------------------------------------------

Not fuckin sure what the slut would have thought about that e-mail.. I though almost be like saying "Hey! I'm FAT and cant get a fucking date" And believe me, she never had a problem getting a damn date..
The Misty Haze

FUCKING SLUT.. No, no pinned up feelings of hate and anger here.. LOL..

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theking

Yeehaww!!

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SykkBoy

hey, geez, thanks for outing me on the boards....

;)

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FlyingIguana

i used to have a bunch of weird emails, but they went when my IBM hd kicked the bucket.

galleryseek

twinkley, lol.... my friend used to be a hare krishna devotee and i asked him about the name rama... his reply: "Rama is Krishna in a different mood". so i guess that guy was hare krishna. :P

hare krishna people, to say the least are very interesting. my friend, for 2 years being a hare krishna would chant "hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare hare romma hare romma romma romma hare hare" (or something) like 1800 times a day. :\ so yeah, that guy was probably chanting his ass off for a month over that. lol. but wtf is the dude lookin at porn sites anyways, ahh, people.

Plat

the weirdest i got was one surfer who thought they had to join babylon-x.com and give me his username and password in order to visit my galleries lol


funny thing is, he gave me the username/pass and it still works to this day :p

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Homegrownvideo

Jose cuervo?

Guy doesn't know his Tequila obviously.

Patron' all the way! (silver is best!)

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chodadog

I had a broken link one time. This guy sent me an email, explaining that if it were possible to send anthrax via email, he'd send it to me. He went into great detail about how i was the scum of the planet. Must have been at least 600 words or so.

One... Broken... Link...

klik

I've never gotten any wieard letters

mGreg

haha weird shit, i try not to leave any emails around my sites

CumSensei

Im gonna go out and see if I can find a girl milking a cow somewhere....just video film her and scharge 1000$ for the video

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rdunn404

I got a LOOONG email from this one guy that said he dated one of the models on my site like 2 years ago and how she had broken his heart. He said that they were engaged and he caught her in bed with another guy. Told me she was a conniving bitch and that he was so angry at the time he would have killed her and still had thoughts of doing this. He went into detail about the ring he bought for her, how good he was to her, etc. Then he went into detail about how I should watch my back because she may do the same to me.

Now I go back and ask the model about him. She says they went out like one time and she wasn't feeling him so didn't call him back. He is like a stalker trying to find her or something. CRAZY WORLD!

farbie

I got one from a guy identifying one of the models from a site as his wife, filled with threats against me and all sorts of evil things he was gonna do to me.

Funny thing is that I know this model fairly well and she's never been married.

I responded, told him my name was Steve, and gave him APIC's address :-)


farbie

PornAddict

I had a couple bizarre requests for shooting custom videos.

One was where a girl was a secret agent and she breaks into a house to look for microfilm. Well... she obviously gets horny looking for said microfilm so she decides to stop and masturbate. Wouldn't you know it... the guy comes home and shoots her in the chest. He said, "You don't have to really shoot the girl... just use ketchup or something."

Gee... really?

Another guy writes me and wants to see topless girls do excercises like flex arm hangs. Nothing sexual... just wants to see a girl hang from a bar topless.

Hey... whatever. Different strokes for different folks.

- PornAddict

Jizar II

LOL some people are just too sick!

Nautilus

Got an angry full of shit message earlier today from a guy who claimed we do not have one specific content category our tour says we have, and he feels grandly pissed off now . I sent a polite reply back, said that of course we do have this category, and explained where to find it in the members zone.

An well, here is what he replied:
***********
I'm talking about the sites I found on MSN search. I cannot become a member of your site because I do not have a credit card or a checking account- this also stops me from getting a ADULT GOLD card or one of many others like it to prove I am 21 years of age or older. I wish I was 21 again-I haven't seen 21 for
28 almost 29 years. I am 49 until Nov. when I turn 50--half a century.
Oh well-
wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one gets full fastest.
***********

I didn't bother checking if he was really a member in the first place, 'cause his message sounded like he was. In fact he was angry we have just a TEXT mention of this content category he's looking for on our tour pages, and no real pictures.

SykkBoy

ahhh, custom videos...
those were fun...
we had one where the guy wanted 3 topless girls having a pie fight...

another wanted a chick sucking off a clown...

and the weirdest, a guy wanted a nun scolding and spanking a teddy bear....no nudity, just a nun swearing and being angry at the teddy bear with a disclaimer: use a real nun if you can find one and I preefr her to be nude under her habit....

I thought the last guy was fucking with us until we got his $1250 check....LOL

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hyper

why you posting my letter and my name.. bitch

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roseyrid

my favorite still is the guy who sent the letter to lightspeed about using tawnee in a movie...that was great

winter

Here's my favorite of all I've received. From "mohsin ali":


--------------------------------------------------------
hello Mr Tasty,
i hope u r well,
i live sex with young girls and women i
want u join me in ur sexual team i all kind of sex
with girls and women for ur order i m very like sexual
programme i see more time in enternet sexual websites
(Worldsex)(Sleazydream) i like these websites.
but i like to sex with girls and women
for these websites if u join me in ur industry i work
in all films and websites of sexual for ur orders r u
order me for a man inter his penis in my bottuk i
don,t reject ur order i m handsome and healthy and i
have strong penis.
i m very thankful for ur this kindness
please join me in ur sexual team.(Thanks)
--------------------------------------------------------

quiet

why not ask her for a dollar? pimp.

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SandraWang

A few months ago, I recieved a very short e-mail from a guy... It only said: "Ripoff artist!!!" Nothing more...

So I got pretty confused, and wondered what the hell he meant by saying that? Could it be a webmaster that was accusing me of stealing his design or sumfin?? (Which I found very strange, since I made up my design all by myself...)

So I wrote back to him, asking what he meant by calling me a ripoff artist...

A few minutes later, I got his reply, and he explained the situation for me... He had been surfing this website, that was "full of all these viruses and other shit that follow your every move"....AND this website had an e-mail address on it (my e-mail address), so he sent a complain to that address.

Uhm....ok....heh....I was asking him what kind og website this was? First thing I thought, this must be a hacker og warez site.

Alittle later he sent me his reply again, and he was very shy to admit, that this was a porn-site he had been surfing on..."It's called TheHun if you absolutely HAVE to know...And they say that all the pics on their pages are for FREE, but when I viewed some pictures there that I liked, I was sent over to a page that was charging a membership fee to see more of those pics!!!"

Ahhahah....I was so totally shocked how dumb people can be, I just didn't care to answer him....!

Ok, so he liked my pics, but he sure didn't want to PAY anything for 'em!!! BLAME THE HUN!!

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kinkyplace

WHAT?! You actually want to charge people money for porn?! Ripoff artist!!!

-=HOAX=-

mmmmooooooooo...

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