SpacedDog

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

Whenever Vin Diesel plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some pussy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When Vin Diesel put on the One Ring, the Nazgul just said, "Fuck it."

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Vin Diesel doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

Vin Diesel wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

Vin Diesel had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Vin Diesel went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

Dairy Queen used to be Dairy King before Vin Diesel made it his bitch.

Vin Diesel's orgasm leaves an exit wound.

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.

The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Vin Diesel, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

Vin Diesel takes the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" literally. He once ate Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, and Russel Crowe in one meal.

Vin Diesel actually has hair, but it's beauty is too great for mortal men to behold. As such, he appears bald to all but the purest of heart.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.

When Vin Diesel deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home."

Vin Diesel sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

Vin Diesel has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

Vin Diesel's daily schedule goes as follows:

- Ride dirt bike through flaming hoop and appear badass
- Do something badass
- Wake Up
- Eat something badass
- Nap
- Watch The Price is Right
- Say cool one liner
- Throw cigarette in slow motion into Gas-covered bad guy
- Sleep in pit of snakes

The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Vin Diesel."

Vin Diesel coined the phrase "Pardon my French" after picking up a French man and using him like a bat to club people.

Vin Diesel's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

Vin Diesel always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.

Vin Diesel can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

Vin Diesel went in for Lasik eye surgery. When the laser hit his eye, it bounced back and changed the world to the way Vin Diesel sees things.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".

On the sixth day, God said, "let there never be Vin Diesel." On the seventh day, God was in the hospital.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

If you are within one mile of Vin Diesel and you drop your toast, it will always land butter side up. Always.

Vin Diesel invented the spanish language because he liked the word "pantalones" and needed a language to use it in context.

Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.

Vin Diesel was scheduled to be Stalone's stunt double in Rambo, but he was replaced after refusing to wearing a parachute when jumping from the plane.

When the girl from the Ring climbed out of Vin's TV, he stood up, cleared his throat, stretched calmly, and booted her straight back in.

Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round,

Santa Claus actually did exist until he forgot to give Vin Diesel the entire Hardy Boys collection series for Christmas.

The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Vin Diesel was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

When Vin Diesel walks in the room, Tic-Tacs check if their breath is fresh.

A few people can lift Thor's hammer, but Vin Diesel's the only one who can beat Thor's ass with it.

Vin Diesel once met Fabio on the street. Vin burst into laughter, Fabio burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach Vin Diesel to fish and he will rid the ocean of all perceivable life forms.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Vin Diesel beat Ray Charles in a staring contest.

If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Vin Diesel.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

Every time Vin Diesel masturbates, god creates a kitten.

As Vin Diesel approaches zero, zero runs like a little bitch.

The gaping hole in the Periodic Table of Elements once contained all of the elements used to create Vin Diesel. The government omitted these elements in future publications of the Table out of fear that rival nations could make their own Vin Diesel.

When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.

All of Vin Diesel's genes are dominant.

As part of his morning routine, Vin Diesel stretches by defeating 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various household appliances.

Vin Diesel's testicles are the only perfect spheres found in nature.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give Vin Diesel a fish and he'll stuff it up your ass and skull-fuck your daughter.

If Vin Diesel fell in the forest, and no one was watching, it would sound like Beethoven's Ninth. If he fell in the forest, and someone was watching, he would beat that guy to a bloody pulp. But the screams of agony would still sound like Beethoven's Ninth.

In 2005, Vin Diesel entered a Cannonball Contest at his neighborhood pool. The death toll is still rising.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

When People get hungry, they go to their refrigerators. When Vin Diesel gets hungry, he goes to an orphanage.

Vin Diesel doesn't use sunblock; the sun wears Vinblock.

Circles exist because Vin Diesel beat the crap out of some squares.

The book "Wost Case Scenario," discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled "Running from Vin Diesel" simply says "Good luck."

Vin Diesel's blood type is WD-40

Vin Diesel was disqualified from the 1994 Olympic Shotput Championship for reversing the polarity of Earth.

Only once has Vin Diesel ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

Vin Diesel likes his emo kids sunny side up.

Napoleon lost the battle of Waterloo because he couldn't speak English, and Vin Diesel wouldn't lower himself to speaking French.

The first Dungeons & Dragons card deck came to be when little Tommy Schmit found Vin Diesels misplaced photo album, "Things I Shouldn't Have Had Sex With in the Middle Ages."

Getting murdered by Vin Diesel counts as a natural cause of death.

When Vin was asked why he never goes to the bathroom, he replied, "What happens in Vin Diesel, stays in Vin Diesel."

You are what you eat. If you're a Korean circus midget, you're also what Vin Diesel eats.

Vin Diesel can do push ups with both arms tied behind his back.

Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

Vin Diesel is the SI unit used to measure fear.

Angelo22

Thats all just a godfucking copy of the chuck norris facts

Go Fuck Yourself.

__________________
MAKE MORE MONEY FROM YOUR WEB TRAFFIC - 15% BONUS

And contact me if you need high quality translating and writing work done - angelo22 (AT) gmail (DOT) com

stev0

lol, thats what i was thinking... someone just did a search/replace with the name

fallenmuffin

Lame......

Redmanthatcould

Just watching Boiler Room, coincidentally.

Splum

Vin aint got shit on Chuck
https://youtube.com/watch?v=JD2Mb8pM6E8

escorpio

Vin Diesel is a fag. Seriously.

__________________
Unvaxxed, still alive.

Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE

fuck vin diesel, chuck will fuck his world up