One of those "priceless"stories - GoFuckYourself.com

allteengalleries · 02-15-2007, 02:16 PM

Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.
Date: 2007-02-06, 2:24PM PST

I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a ****. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of ****. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "****, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

Evil E · 02-15-2007, 02:48 PM

Wow, that is gold!

sicone · 02-15-2007, 02:51 PM

woman are evil I tell ya

NinjaSteve · 02-15-2007, 02:55 PM

That's a crazy story! But why was the question only a $64,000 question?

ADL Josh · 02-15-2007, 02:57 PM

that's classic!!!..excellent narrative too..very well told!

puravida · 02-15-2007, 03:19 PM

hahaha.

i'd get one, except i want kids one day

BlackCrayon · 02-15-2007, 03:19 PM

lol, you gotta wonder how much truth there really is to these stories but regardless i'd trust charles manson before i trust a lot of women. though i guess i hold little trust in people in general.

WalterWoot · 02-15-2007, 03:42 PM

Looooolz thats a very good story dude, u get an A+. The vasectomy thing is a good tip too, but i want a pair of kids first...
I did something of that kind ones too... But it was less serious, and the story is shorter...

I was dating this girl, then she become my girlfriend and it lasted about 3 moths...
The relationship was getting a lil bored, but i had not a good excuse to finish it (because the fact was that the relationship wasnt getting bored, i was getting bored).
I heard this girl talking with a certain admiration from a friend of mine...
My friend was like... A really cassanova, he always get the girl he wants. At highschool we used to get fun telling him "hey, sebastian, go and get that girl", and then he used to go there and get the girl, no matters if he knew she or not, just a lil talking and he was in...
So i talked to him and told him "hey sebastian, can u make me a favor? Go tomorrow at 4 o clock to my gf home and try to get she, plz".
That night i told my gf by phone that i was going to travel next day to another city to see my father and tomorrow we where not going to see us.
I went to my gf house the next day to 4:30 and find she kissing my friend in the door of her home...
Well, the u can figure out the next part of the history, it was pretty fun...
And the best of all, I was single again and ready to go for other girls.

Disclaimer: I never cheated a girlfriend, so i need to finish the relation if i like another one, honor stuff! :D

sexykat · 02-15-2007, 03:58 PM

Dude your story was amazing. How much money did you squeeze out of her for false accusations and mental torture. You can claim more than 100,000 I guess. This is America. You can sue anyone for anything.

chaze · 02-15-2007, 04:15 PM

great story, I love how you regulated her lies. just goes to show 90% of all women are not worth falling for.

militsa · 02-15-2007, 04:56 PM

classics!

Scott McD · 02-15-2007, 05:01 PM

That's fucking awesome !!!!

Serves the whore right...

woj · 02-15-2007, 05:08 PM

good story, heh

allteengalleries · 02-15-2007, 05:49 PM

Thought you guys would like that.

LittleSassy · 02-15-2007, 06:49 PM

i love the part when she's reading the letters...imagining her face, definitley priceless!

ayne468 · 02-15-2007, 07:01 PM

I enjoyed every minute of that...thanks for sharing

illeana · 02-15-2007, 07:02 PM

thats great

mattz · 02-15-2007, 07:06 PM

haha damn that's sweet, I can't believe I actually read the whole thing

notabook · 02-15-2007, 07:27 PM

That's an awesome story

But it needed more leek.

Spunky · 02-15-2007, 08:24 PM

That was a classic..it changes my view on getting the snip

NinjaSteve · 02-16-2007, 11:33 AM

Is this becoming a chain email? It was posted on craigslist too.

EBORG9 · 02-16-2007, 12:32 PM

That's real nice , dude.

Love it when they get caught...there are so many men paying for babies that aren't theirs.
Nice story.

tranza · 02-16-2007, 12:45 PM

Lol, that was a fun read.

02-15-2007, 02:16 PM	#1
allteengalleries Registered User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: usa Posts: 37	One of those "priceless"stories Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless. Date: 2007-02-06, 2:24PM PST I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago: I got a vasectomy. I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company. I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl. We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully. Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity. At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri. So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it. Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically. It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready. I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared. She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?" Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a **. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper. I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately. I tell her simply, "You're screwed". Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared. I continue. "I am sterile" Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of . You're trapped and you know it." I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine." This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. ", those are fakes." I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine." I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing. I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing. Epilogue - I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women. The Moral of the Story - Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret. __________________ http://www.allteengalleries.net My icq** 410-945-916

02-15-2007, 02:48 PM	#2
Evil E Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Lazyness is a lifestyle Posts: 3,201	Wow, that is gold! __________________ A girl once told me "Give me 8 inches and make it HURT". So, I fucked her twice and hit her with a brick.

02-15-2007, 02:51 PM	#3
sicone Retired Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Sac Posts: 18,453	woman are evil I tell ya __________________

02-15-2007, 02:55 PM	#4
NinjaSteve Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 11,089	That's a crazy story! But why was the question only a $64,000 question? __________________ ...

02-15-2007, 02:57 PM	#5
ADL Josh Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 3,026	that's classic!!!..excellent narrative too..very well told! __________________ ICQ: 395-433-632

02-15-2007, 03:19 PM	#6
puravida Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Costa Rica Posts: 186	hahaha. i'd get one, except i want kids one day

02-15-2007, 03:19 PM	#7
BlackCrayon Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Ottawa Posts: 19,631	lol, you gotta wonder how much truth there really is to these stories but regardless i'd trust charles manson before i trust a lot of women. though i guess i hold little trust in people in general. __________________ you don't know you're wearing a leash if you sit by the peg all day..

02-15-2007, 03:42 PM	#8
WalterWoot Registered User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: www.hotkittenz.com Posts: 55	Looooolz thats a very good story dude, u get an A+. The vasectomy thing is a good tip too, but i want a pair of kids first... I did something of that kind ones too... But it was less serious, and the story is shorter... I was dating this girl, then she become my girlfriend and it lasted about 3 moths... The relationship was getting a lil bored, but i had not a good excuse to finish it (because the fact was that the relationship wasnt getting bored, i was getting bored). I heard this girl talking with a certain admiration from a friend of mine... My friend was like... A really cassanova, he always get the girl he wants. At highschool we used to get fun telling him "hey, sebastian, go and get that girl", and then he used to go there and get the girl, no matters if he knew she or not, just a lil talking and he was in... So i talked to him and told him "hey sebastian, can u make me a favor? Go tomorrow at 4 o clock to my gf home and try to get she, plz". That night i told my gf by phone that i was going to travel next day to another city to see my father and tomorrow we where not going to see us. I went to my gf house the next day to 4:30 and find she kissing my friend in the door of her home... Well, the u can figure out the next part of the history, it was pretty fun... And the best of all, I was single again and ready to go for other girls. Disclaimer: I never cheated a girlfriend, so i need to finish the relation if i like another one, honor stuff! :D

02-15-2007, 03:58 PM	#9
sexykat Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Seattle: The Land of the Rain Posts: 1,017	Dude your story was amazing. How much money did you squeeze out of her for false accusations and mental torture. You can claim more than 100,000 I guess. This is America. You can sue anyone for anything. __________________ Need hot and fresh exclusive content? Hit me up ICQ: 444-719-471

02-15-2007, 04:15 PM	#10
chaze Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 9,752	great story, I love how you regulated her lies. just goes to show 90% of all women are not worth falling for.

02-15-2007, 04:56 PM	#11
militsa Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Somewhere - Nowhere Posts: 170	classics! __________________ Secretary of Smiley Corp.

02-15-2007, 05:01 PM	#12
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	That's fucking awesome !!!! Serves the whore right... __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

02-15-2007, 05:08 PM	#13
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	good story, heh __________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

02-15-2007, 05:49 PM	#14
allteengalleries Registered User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: usa Posts: 37	Thought you guys would like that. __________________ http://www.allteengalleries.net My icq 410-945-916

02-15-2007, 06:49 PM	#15
LittleSassy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: behind you Posts: 7,402	i love the part when she's reading the letters...imagining her face, definitley priceless! __________________ Proadultoutsourcing.com ~ version 2.0 OFFSHORE SOLUTIONS PROVIDER SINCE 2003 ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE 264-580-554

02-15-2007, 07:01 PM	#16
ayne468 Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,738	I enjoyed every minute of that...thanks for sharing __________________

02-15-2007, 07:02 PM	#17
illeana Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 433	thats great __________________ illeana Promote me and I'll screw your brains out.... ok not really but you'll make a lot of money!!

02-15-2007, 07:06 PM	#18
mattz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: AZ Posts: 7,697	haha damn that's sweet, I can't believe I actually read the whole thing

02-15-2007, 07:27 PM	#19
notabook Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Not a Library! Posts: 9,748	That's an awesome story But it needed more leek. __________________

02-15-2007, 08:24 PM	#20
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,949	That was a classic..it changes my view on getting the snip __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

02-16-2007, 11:33 AM	#21
NinjaSteve Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 11,089	Is this becoming a chain email? It was posted on craigslist too. __________________ ...

02-16-2007, 12:32 PM	#22
EBORG9 Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Sin City Posts: 1,823	That's real nice , dude. Love it when they get caught...there are so many men paying for babies that aren't theirs. Nice story.

02-16-2007, 12:45 PM	#23
tranza ICQ: 197-556-237 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: BRASIL !!! Posts: 57,559	Lol, that was a fun read. __________________ I'm just a newbie.