That Nigerian Bastard - GoFuckYourself.com

Jax Meehoff · 07-28-2002, 01:23 AM

wow I got one of those Nigerian Scam e-mails. The type where you would have to fly to nigeria and be ass raped or something...

see http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showth...threadid=69660

This must have something to do with that Nigerian guy that approached me at a gas station a couple months back...

He was middle aged, black as night, 6?4, thick bi-focals, and had a voice deeper than Darth Vader?s. I was getting some smokes and he walks up to me and politely ask?s ?do you work for a bank? (I was in a suit). Before I could tell him to fuck off he said he only thought that I was one of his employee's. He gives me his card, and it is a Bank One business card. It says that he is the "VP of Commercial Purchasing". So I tune in on him, cause I?m thinking that I can surely get some easy business out of this (I do multimedia production and live staging for large corporate meetings). So I give him my card, and he asks me if I have ever heard of something called "E-Commerce". So while maintaining a straight face, and all due professionalism, I told him that I had not.

. ANYWAYS he was looking for a hand full of sharp, motivated, professional individuals to help him get this "E-Commerce" thing going. Strictly part time. I asked him if he ever needed production services at Bank One, and he said that he did.

So at this point I am certain that his "E-commerce" deal is bullshit, but I figgure that I'll feign some sort of interest in his "E-Commerce" and milk out the sweet bling from some of his Bank One meetings. We agree to meet at his down town bank one office and "trade Ideas"

So I go to the bank one building (Tallest in Phoenix?) and proceed the 23rd floor and sure as shit there he was in a huge office with a nice view. There was a golden hammer on his wall. It looked like it had actually been used as a hammer. I spent about 15 minutes making my spam with him, and then let him have his go at me. Turns out he was having an "E-commerce" meeting that week, and I should really come. He tells me it is at the Marriott? and I almost couldn?t contain my laughter. You see I have an office in that Marriott, as my company is their A/V sub-contractor. And I am very familiar with his meeting, because for the past three years every Thursday they have this meeting. It is un-officially AMWAY. Still seeking that Bank One Cheez I went to the meeting.
No surprise how lame this meeting was? full of the typical pyramid brainwashing ?SUPER CASH? spew. I almost admire how skilled the multi level marketers are at skinning the cash of the ignorant cow. The room was filled to capacity, 200 attendees, the majority of them with stupid blank dollar signs in their eyes, clapping like trained seals at all of the moderators ?NOW THAT?S A LOT OF CASH? statements. I played along. Good thing I got stoned before I went. So after the meeting I agree to meet with him again at his office later that week to discuss his ?E-Commerce? opportunity.

This is when I flipped the script on him. I went home and researched his company. I found several ANTI sites all saying that they are the shittiest possible people to deal with. I researched their brainwashing tactics, I formulated and adapted my own counter tactics. I wanted to re-brainwash him to serve my needs. The key was in the dollar, I would entice him and confuse him at the same time. Answer questions with questions, (cash talk), tangent responses, (cash talk), re-direction ($$$$ $$$$)?

So I call him 15 minutes before our meeting, and excitedly tell him that I cannot make it because ?SHIT HAS HIS THE FAN HERE AND I AM ABOUT KNEE DEEP IN CASH!!!? I explain to him that my latest ?freelance marketing affiliate? just landed me an account with this new semi-conductor manufacturer in Seattle, and he is flying in tonight! He was hooked. I could hear it in his voice. ?So you make a lot of money from that?!? I explain to him that I get a 15% commission from the gross profit (true), and my freelance marketing affiliate (no such thing) gets 5% of that. (bull shit). I then explain to him that his ?E- Commerce? thing is great, and that I would just love to do it but I am about to make so much CASH that I could just vomit. I assure him that I am however still highly interested in developing a relationship with Bank One, and that I would like to offer him the 5% freelance marketing affiliate points on whatever business he could bring me (really). He insists that we get together ASAP, and I tell that I might be able to, BUT my latest freelance marketing affiliate from Seattle would have to come with us.

Sure as shit later the next day I got my boy Sean to play along, and we went up to the 23rd floor to meet with him again. I introduced Sean to him as ?Spurgeous George?, and for a good 20 minutes me and Spurgous laid into him with the cash talk. We were telling him some crazy shit. Shit that made no sense. I recall telling him that I was so stoked that every other word that comes out of my mouth from now on would be CASH, and I asked him ?are CASH you CASH really CASH your CASH own CASH boss? CASH?? We made him clap like the trained seal that I had seen earlier. His English wasn?t all that great. But he listened to us with dollar sign?s in his eyes, it was his look of love. He didn?t once bring up his ?E-commerce? scheme. He was mine now.

After that meeting he called me quite a few times with some pretty solid industrial video leads. The best one was producing a deaf training video for the airport. While I was in the bidding process for the deaf video, he left me a long motivational voice mail ?You are the best, I know you can do this I believe in you?caaaasssshhhhh etc??. It was Fuckin creepy. What have I done. A cash zombie. Following me. I ended up losing the video bid. He called a few more times with some weak assed leads. He kind of fizzled out. Ironically enough, without his help I did get a sweet contract with the club at the very top of the Bank One building.

But now this Scam E-mail has got me thinking? Nigerian? That dude? It would be the perfect opportunity working at Bank One to find victims for his Nigerian bro?s. I did basically brain wash him into believing that I wipe my ass with CASH. And you know he is all about that sweet cut. I wonder now If he really even works for Bank One? Any fool can rent an office in a skyscraper and make fake business cards? The earth spins

ace0r · 07-28-2002, 02:16 AM

Jax Meehoff · 07-28-2002, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ace0r

heh, no shit, huh? drunken posting iz fun

eru · 07-28-2002, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ace0r

LOL

RaiDeN · 07-28-2002, 11:04 AM

Freaky story dude,

B40 · 07-28-2002, 11:07 AM

Cash Cash Cash...

Cheshire · 07-28-2002, 11:12 AM

I almost feel sorry for the guy, he's probably shaking in a dark corner somewhere going through cash withdrawls cash because cash you cash brainwashed cash him cash and cash left... cash.

Very interesting, sounds like it was a fun source of entertainment while it lasted.

Dawgy · 07-28-2002, 11:13 AM

you have WAY too much free time.

you're in phoenix?

Gutterboy · 07-28-2002, 12:44 PM

Any time you hear the words "sharp" and "individual" used in the same sentence by someone who wants to talk business, run away!

TheFLY · 07-28-2002, 09:59 PM

I'm CASH confused CASH I want to CASH make some CASH more.

gothweb · 07-28-2002, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cheshire
I almost feel sorry for the guy, he's probably shaking in a dark corner somewhere going through cash withdrawls cash because cash you cash brainwashed cash him cash and cash left... cash.

Very interesting, sounds like it was a fun source of entertainment while it lasted.

"Cash withdrawls"...

That's beautiful.

Jax Meehoff · 07-29-2002, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dawgy
you have WAY too much free time.

you're in phoenix?

Shit I dont even have time to take a piss sometimes. I did have time to get wasted and recount every detail of that story though...

Yep I am in the Valley of the Spun. Congrats to you Dawgy on hooking up with Lightmeweedia. What a cool crew. Tanker's been my bro since the 9th grade. He has so many story's about the crazy shit me and him used to get into... I am sure you will meet me at some point.

PaulSweet · 07-29-2002, 12:55 PM

Nigerian Scammers now offering T-shirts

Tanker · 07-29-2002, 12:59 PM

Jax call me at the office

Tanker

hahmike · 07-29-2002, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tanker
Jax call me at the office

Tanker

yes... tanker's new pyramid scheme kicks ass!

07-28-2002, 01:23 AM	#1
Jax Meehoff Registered User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Babys Mammas, Mammas House Posts: 60	That Nigerian Bastard wow I got one of those Nigerian Scam e-mails. The type where you would have to fly to nigeria and be ass raped or something... see http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showth...threadid=69660 This must have something to do with that Nigerian guy that approached me at a gas station a couple months back... He was middle aged, black as night, 6?4, thick bi-focals, and had a voice deeper than Darth Vader?s. I was getting some smokes and he walks up to me and politely ask?s ?do you work for a bank? (I was in a suit). Before I could tell him to fuck off he said he only thought that I was one of his employee's. He gives me his card, and it is a Bank One business card. It says that he is the "VP of Commercial Purchasing". So I tune in on him, cause I?m thinking that I can surely get some easy business out of this (I do multimedia production and live staging for large corporate meetings). So I give him my card, and he asks me if I have ever heard of something called "E-Commerce". So while maintaining a straight face, and all due professionalism, I told him that I had not.. ANYWAYS he was looking for a hand full of sharp, motivated, professional individuals to help him get this "E-Commerce" thing going. Strictly part time. I asked him if he ever needed production services at Bank One, and he said that he did. So at this point I am certain that his "E-commerce" deal is bullshit, but I figgure that I'll feign some sort of interest in his "E-Commerce" and milk out the sweet bling from some of his Bank One meetings. We agree to meet at his down town bank one office and "trade Ideas" So I go to the bank one building (Tallest in Phoenix?) and proceed the 23rd floor and sure as shit there he was in a huge office with a nice view. There was a golden hammer on his wall. It looked like it had actually been used as a hammer. I spent about 15 minutes making my spam with him, and then let him have his go at me. Turns out he was having an "E-commerce" meeting that week, and I should really come. He tells me it is at the Marriott? and I almost couldn?t contain my laughter. You see I have an office in that Marriott, as my company is their A/V sub-contractor. And I am very familiar with his meeting, because for the past three years every Thursday they have this meeting. It is un-officially AMWAY. Still seeking that Bank One Cheez I went to the meeting. No surprise how lame this meeting was? full of the typical pyramid brainwashing ?SUPER CASH? spew. I almost admire how skilled the multi level marketers are at skinning the cash of the ignorant cow. The room was filled to capacity, 200 attendees, the majority of them with stupid blank dollar signs in their eyes, clapping like trained seals at all of the moderators ?NOW THAT?S A LOT OF CASH? statements. I played along. Good thing I got stoned before I went. So after the meeting I agree to meet with him again at his office later that week to discuss his ?E-Commerce? opportunity. This is when I flipped the script on him. I went home and researched his company. I found several ANTI sites all saying that they are the shittiest possible people to deal with. I researched their brainwashing tactics, I formulated and adapted my own counter tactics. I wanted to re-brainwash him to serve my needs. The key was in the dollar, I would entice him and confuse him at the same time. Answer questions with questions, (cash talk), tangent responses, (cash talk), re-direction ($$$$ $$$$)? So I call him 15 minutes before our meeting, and excitedly tell him that I cannot make it because ?SHIT HAS HIS THE FAN HERE AND I AM ABOUT KNEE DEEP IN CASH!!!? I explain to him that my latest ?freelance marketing affiliate? just landed me an account with this new semi-conductor manufacturer in Seattle, and he is flying in tonight! He was hooked. I could hear it in his voice. ?So you make a lot of money from that?!? I explain to him that I get a 15% commission from the gross profit (true), and my freelance marketing affiliate (no such thing) gets 5% of that. (bull shit). I then explain to him that his ?E- Commerce? thing is great, and that I would just love to do it but I am about to make so much CASH that I could just vomit. I assure him that I am however still highly interested in developing a relationship with Bank One, and that I would like to offer him the 5% freelance marketing affiliate points on whatever business he could bring me (really). He insists that we get together ASAP, and I tell that I might be able to, BUT my latest freelance marketing affiliate from Seattle would have to come with us. Sure as shit later the next day I got my boy Sean to play along, and we went up to the 23rd floor to meet with him again. I introduced Sean to him as ?Spurgeous George?, and for a good 20 minutes me and Spurgous laid into him with the cash talk. We were telling him some crazy shit. Shit that made no sense. I recall telling him that I was so stoked that every other word that comes out of my mouth from now on would be CASH, and I asked him ?are CASH you CASH really CASH your CASH own CASH boss? CASH?? We made him clap like the trained seal that I had seen earlier. His English wasn?t all that great. But he listened to us with dollar sign?s in his eyes, it was his look of love. He didn?t once bring up his ?E-commerce? scheme. He was mine now. After that meeting he called me quite a few times with some pretty solid industrial video leads. The best one was producing a deaf training video for the airport. While I was in the bidding process for the deaf video, he left me a long motivational voice mail ?You are the best, I know you can do this I believe in you?caaaasssshhhhh etc??. It was Fuckin creepy. What have I done. A cash zombie. Following me. I ended up losing the video bid. He called a few more times with some weak assed leads. He kind of fizzled out. Ironically enough, without his help I did get a sweet contract with the club at the very top of the Bank One building. But now this Scam E-mail has got me thinking? Nigerian? That dude? It would be the perfect opportunity working at Bank One to find victims for his Nigerian bro?s. I did basically brain wash him into believing that I wipe my ass with CASH. And you know he is all about that sweet cut. I wonder now If he really even works for Bank One? Any fool can rent an office in a skyscraper and make fake business cards? The earth spins

07-28-2002, 11:07 AM	#6
B40 Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 7,020	Cash Cash Cash... __________________

07-28-2002, 11:13 AM	#8
Dawgy Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 5,856	you have WAY too much free time. you're in phoenix? __________________ the revolution is coming.

07-29-2002, 12:55 PM	#13
PaulSweet Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Vancouver, Canada Posts: 1,094	Nigerian Scammers now offering T-shirts __________________ PG4L! Home to the MAX HARDCORE video Plugin!

07-29-2002, 12:59 PM	#14
Tanker Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Oakville, Ontario, Canada Posts: 9,287	Jax call me at the office Tanker __________________ Tanker ICQ 3427575 CCBTools Now featured in the CCBill.com APP STORE

07-28-2002, 02:16 AM	#2
ace0r Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Calabasa, CA & Chicago, IL Posts: 1,410

07-28-2002, 11:04 AM	#5
RaiDeN Confirmed User Join Date: May 2001 Location: Netherlands Posts: 496	Freaky story dude,

07-28-2002, 11:12 AM	#7
Cheshire Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Rosen-Villin Posts: 5,738	I almost feel sorry for the guy, he's probably shaking in a dark corner somewhere going through cash withdrawls cash because cash you cash brainwashed cash him cash and cash left... cash. Very interesting, sounds like it was a fun source of entertainment while it lasted.

07-28-2002, 12:44 PM	#9
Gutterboy So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Dis Posts: 4,751	Any time you hear the words "sharp" and "individual" used in the same sentence by someone who wants to talk business, run away!

07-28-2002, 09:59 PM	#10
TheFLY So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: http://www.thefly.net/ --- Quit your job and live off steady traffic. Posts: 11,856	I'm CASH confused CASH I want to CASH make some CASH more.