Jason

God is dead.. And no one cares.

If this is really hell.. I'll you there.

Donny

Here are "answers" to your questions, conveniently found on another site that responded when someone asked all those same questions (the questions you claim to have written, but can't prove it because you're 2,000 miles from your storage facility):

Q. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

A. No. You need a Israelite priest to offer the sacrifice for you in the Temple in Jerusalem; you can't just do it yourself in your back garden. You have a problem! The Temple was destroyed in 70 AD. But stop believing in the pleasing odour of animal sacrifices anyway, for it is written that the blood of bulls and goats can never take away sin (Heb 10:4). You need to believe that the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross takes away all your sin, now and forever. As to offering violence against your neighbours, that will have you hauled up in front of the magistrates for a breach of the peace and actual bodily harm at a minimum under any system of law, ancient or modern.

Q. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of uncleanliness (Leviticus 15:19-24). How do I tell? I have tried asking but most women take offence.

A. This is to do with purity of worship in the Temple . Not just sexual intercourse (we would all be agreed on that) but even touching a menstruating woman made the one who touched her unclean. It has passed. When the Temple in Jerusalem was sacked in 70 AD, as Jesus prophesied, it was already 40 years past its use-by date. The sacrifice of Jesus in AD 30 (+/- a year or two) had rendered the doings of the Temple obsolete. Even the veil of the Temple (which separated the Holy of Holies from the rest of Temple ) was torn in two (Matt 27:51) at His death. Believe in His death and you will be forgiven. Believe in His resurrection and you will live. If the matter you raise still troubles you, you should avoid all contact with women other than your own wife. And if you don't know when she is in what you describe as her period of uncleanliness, then heaven help you.

Q. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to the French but not to the Scots. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Scottish people?

A. It doesn't actually say slaves, it says 'bondmen and bondmaids'. People who were poor bonded themselves or their children to someone wealthy. It was a form of social security. It is also written (Exod 21:16) that anyone who steals a man to sell him shall be put to death. So those Muslim slavers who took and sold black slaves to the white man were flat out of order and worthy of death. Don't forget that the man who had slavery outlawed in Britain was William Wilberforce, an evangelical Christian. Atheists were quite happy with slavery.

Q. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

A. It actually says 'maidservant' not slave. I should have thought you were doing well enough at Capital not to have to sell your daughter as a bonded servant. What a rotten dad you are, to want to get rid of her even though you can afford to keep her. Daughters are precious. So are sons, come to that. You'ld have to be in pretty dire straights 3,000 years ago to sell your children as servants, but I guess they would at least get fed and housed then. Anyway, back to your daughter. I think you would do better to send her to college and then see if she can't get a job. Mind you, most jobs today are just wage-slavery, aren't they? We spend 45% of our time working for the tax-man. Who can be totally free? Only those who trust in Jesus and know the truth will be free, as it is written, 'The truth shall make you free.' (John 8:32)

Q. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obliged to kill him myself or may I arrange for our vicar to do it?

A. Neither. You need to remember that the ancient principle of 'due process' still persists in our law today, despite a succession of Home Secretaries, including dear David Blunkett, wanting to get rid of it as a bit of an impediment to the Government just locking up whoever they want. So you can't go around putting people to death yourself, that is what we Christians call murder. OK, if someone killed your son or raped your daughter, you might call it vengeance, but you have no personal interest in what your neighbour is doing, it just gets up your nose a bit. Report your neighbour to the police, support your allegation with two witnesses, and see if the police can find a law against what your neighbour is doing. They won't. This country doesn't do a day of rest in any form any more.

Q. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

A. This applies to the High Priest of ancient Israel, who entered into the Holy of holies once a year on the Day of Atonement. I suppose God has a right to say who was going to approach Him in the Holy of holies. But even if you are a cohen, (a) you won't find the Temple still standing today and (b) all that Temple ritual is past. Jesus has been and has offered Himself for the sins of all who will believe in Him. Job done. Finished.

Q. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

A. God did not want His people looking like the pagan priests of the nations round about with dodgy haircuts and peculiar beards. Getting your hair cut as such isn't wrong in the eyes of God. Exekiel the prophet (Ezek 44:20) says that the rule for the priest is to have his hair cut neatly, not shave his head nor grow his hair stupidly long like what the pagans do. Can't see this was a capital offence, though, even then.

Q. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

A. Clean and unclean animals are done away with by Peter's vision in Acts 10:11-15. My advice if this really worries you is to play as a forward or a back, and not as a midfielder, as they do most throwing in and place-kicking, and certainly don't play in goal. And don't handball either, as that is against the laws of the game.

(continued next post)

Donny

(continued here)

Q. A friend of mine feels that though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10) it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

A. They are different words in Hebrew, so your friend is right. But in any case, the clean and unclean animals distinction has gone with Peter's vision. So the New Testament abolishes the Old Testament food laws. But the New Testament confirms that homosexual activity is an abomination. Shellfish don't agree with me, but that's another matter. You tuck in to that prawn curry.

Q. My friend tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone him as commanded in Leviticus 24:10-16 ?

A. Yes, because it is all a matter of due process. You are a bit for taking the law into your own hands, aren't you? Does your friend actually curse the Name of God like the man in Leviticus did? Anyway, next you must find a judge and jury who will convict him. Unless his blasphemy really is scurrilous, abusive or offensive to God, Jesus Christ or the Bible, and tends to vilify the Christian religion, you are unlikely to see a conviction in our land today. Best let your friend know how offended you are and if he persists, get another friend. He sounds a bad sort, anyway.

Q. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).

A. Doesn't sound much of a farmer. How is he going to harvest it? Mind you, he could put a fence down the middle, then he would have two fields, and he could sow one crop on one side and the other on the other side, I suppose. As long as his wife does not wear a mixture of wool and linen, she should be OK to go and take part in ancient Israelite society. Back to the future!

Q. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Leviticus 20:14)?

A. You don't half have a vicious streak. Once again, in God's design for mankind, the State has the responsibility for the judicial death penalty, not the family. God's law does not allow people to put members of their own family to death. You are thinking of Islam and Hinduism. Oh, and Britain today. When our Parliament passed the Homicide Act 1965 and the Abortion Act 1967, they took away the death penalty from the guilty, by the State, where it belongs, and placed it on the innocent, within the family, where it does not. Macabre or what?

P.S. Another silly question was added later:

Q. A reading of 2 Chronicles, 4:2 makes clear that mathematicians have for many years been under a misconception that the number pi (the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter) was a transcendental number which is approximately 3.1415. The true value of pi, as the Bible makes clear in this passage, is actually 3. Am I personally obliged to burn all maths textbooks, put to the sword as blasphemers all who propagate the false value of pi and forbid all false images of the true circle?

A. Do you really think the ancients didn't know the value of pi? What we have here is something us engineers call 'rounding'. You really must deal with your bloodthirsty nature, though. All this taking the law (or what you think it is) into your own hands just will not do. And nit-picking over a couple of Biblical decimal points is not blasphemy. My, isn't there some God-hating ignorance out there!

woj

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Z

Notorious? Yes, I am. Thank you for noticing.

I didn't write any of those letters, posts or start any of the emails. I wrote the original on notebook paper, in pencil, in a little SDA school in Apopka, Florida in 11th grade. I've seen it come by email in those "don't let it die" threads, other people have re-written it, re-published it, changed it, used it and I've seen at least 10 other people take credit for it. As I said earlier, as long as it's out there...I'm happy that it is and except for a few occasions, I've never made it a point to say that I was the original author.

Tell you what Donny, next time we both happen to be in Atlanta, I'll pop on over to my storage space and pull out the original. We can laugh over it and discuss religion and it's ups and downs over coffee. If that's not enough, maybe I should post in the IM conversation I had with my Mom a few minutes ago where I threw her the link to this thread and we laughed about the vice principal, my bible teacher and the principal calling her and me in to threaten me with suspension or "even expulsion" for writing "that piece of heresy".

But none of that and probably not even a trip back in time to pimply, skinny me hunched over my little desk in the dorms would do a thing to change your mind, would it? So what does it matter?

Go on back to your Christian brethren, turn off your mind and feel safe in the loving arms of the Church. Notice the capitilization of "Church". That's because they insist on it...the Church is more important than you are...in their eyes. How do you think God feels about that?

Donny

So, Z, what do you have to say about the "answers" in posts 52 and 53 ?

PHP-CODER-FOR-HIRE

Old testament and new testament. The old testament is everything before Jesus : Genesis, Exodus, Moses, Noah, all that good stuff...

The new testament is everything after Jesus and about Jesus, mostly written by the apostles.

Jews don't believe Jesus was God in human form like Christians do. Jews don't study/live by the new testament, only the old one.

Christians focus on the new testament, and also study/live by the old testament.

__________________

Peaches

Damn, I'm impressed that you're the one who originated it, Z. I've sent it out to a lot of "Holier than thou" folks.

Now, don't get me wrong - I've read a lot of the Bible and I think it's a good guide. I also think it was written for a different society and I don't think it was written "By God". If there WAS an original Bible written By God, then it's been bastardized throughout the centuries by revisions.

I don't consider myself religious, but I do consider myself spritual. I do believe in God and I believe in Jesus. I also believe you're repsonsible for your own actions - no one MAKES an adult do anything.

Z, I'm in Atlanta and personally I'd love to see it - just for the thrill to be honest

Donny

And, Z, if you show the original to Peaches and a post is made here (by Peaches) that you did so, I'll believe ya too.

Peaches

I'm not disbelieving him, BTW.

Grapesoda

yer gonna have to settle for a mexican

Grapesoda

I have read several books on the gospels . . 'saul and the invention of chrtianity', the 'lost gospels' etc . . been studding religion since I was 11-12 . . what kills me is that christians don't even have 10 commandments . . only 7. right there in the bible

Grapesoda

just like my ex wife her and jesus liked exactly the same thing at all times . . it was uncanny

Grapesoda

if a tree falls in the forest . . .

RawAlex

Donny, all that is wonderful, but you have to remember: Your bible (and the bibles, Quorans, etc) that various religeons used are for the most part written hundreds or thousands of years after the "facts", and are massively subject to the loss of information and the focus on certain issues that comes from a story being passed down from generation to generation. Further, the information over that many generations can also be corrupted by the failings of mortal man, and the untrue words of the less than holy.

You are not reading the word of god. You are read the word of a guy about 1400 years ago the wrote down a story that was told to him by a guy who heard it from a guy who heard it... back about 100 times over.

Thus, you are relying on heresay and tall tales as the basis of your beliefs, and therefore your actions. Good luck, and I hope that they didn't leave out or forget anything important.

Z

This is typical of a "new testament" or "new covenant" Christian attempting to dodge old testament doctrine when it's convenient with diabolically opposed new testament scripture. The assertion is that Jesus formed a "new covenant" with mankind by dying on the cross. So with his blood, pain and suffering, he wiped the slate clean. That is...IF you "accept him into your heart, dedicate your life to him and constantly ask his forgiveness through the church or not, depending on your particular faith". The new covenant and whether it invalidated the old testament is one of the most hotly debated issues in all of religion. It's always funny to me when this comes up because "the bible as an authoritative source" people get deeper and deeper every time this happens.

Just to placate you, feel free to enjoy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Testament. Particularly pay attention to the "Christianity view of the Law" portion. If you're feeling brainy, take some time becoming a theology scholar so you can intelligently argue things like this -

"As far as the Ten Commandments, some believe Jesus rejected four of the Ten Commandments and endorsed only Six [4], citing Mark 10:17-22 and the parallels Matthew 19:16-22 and Luke 18:18-23. (cf. Cafeteria Christianity) While others believe he supported nine and claim that the Commandment concerning the Sabbath was redefined by Jesus (Mark 7:20-23, 10:17-22, Romans 13:9-10, Eph 6:1-3, James 2:8-11). Still others believe a partial list of the commandments was merely an abbreviation that stood for all the commandments because Jesus prefaced his statement to the rich young ruler with the statement: "If you want to enter life, obey the commandments". Since Jesus did not qualify his pronouncement, he likely meant all the commandments. The rich young ruler asked "which" commandments. Jesus gave him a partial list from the second table. The first set of commandments deal with a relationship to God. The second set of commandments deal with a relationship to men. No doubt Jesus condsidered the relationship to God important, but Jesus may have considered that the young man was perhaps lacking in this second set which made him obligated to men. (This is inferred by his statement that to be perfect he should sell his goods, give them to the poor and come and follow Jesus--thereby opening to him a place in the coming Kingdom.)"

The last bit about pi wasn't me, but it's typical of somebody adding something that appeals to them.

I've answered every one of these questions, as responded to by adventists, pentecostals, mormons, catholics and good 'ol fashioned southern baptists. After many years of everything from calm debate to exhausting, sweaty screaming, I've learned that it's not the individual points and their completely un-provable stance in history or applicability to modern life that matters. What matters is that the bible is not an authoritative source. The church is not an authoritative source. The preacher, priest, nun, pastor, lay leader, spiritual advisor, psychic, medium, witch doctor or babulau isn't either. The only authoritative source is your heart, soul, chakra, spirit, inner energy or whatever/however you choose to refer to it. What matters is what you think, how you feel and how you act.

That does not mean that you are required, needed or desired to open your mouth about your experiences, feelings or choices. The world doesn't need any more recruiters for religion. So if you want to get down on your knees and follow the flock, have fun with it and try not to crawl around the shit from the flock ahead of you. If you don't want to be in our industry any more, go away. We don't want or need to hear anything else from you. You're like a guy who joins NA then goes back to your buddy's houses where he got stoned every night to do nothing but gush about how great life is without weed. If you think you're better than us or better off than us...be better somewhere else. I can't speak for everyone, but I can proudly say that I'm damned happy doing what I'm doing and I don't need you or your whiny "my model's losing her scholarship because she's too stupid to read the morality clause" threads. That "saying it without saying it" shit has gone far enough.

Religion and it's offspring are the source of more bloodshed, corruption, political upheaval, social strife, tears, hate, anger, loss and fear than anything else since the dawn of man. That's a fact whether you believe we crawled out of the primordial soup or appeared in a flash of miracle and wonderment at the command of God, Rod, Obatala, Gitche Manitou, Zarathustra, Dagon, Izanagi, Odin, Ixpiyacoc, Chiconahuiehecatl or any of the other "Creator Gods" I found on wikipedia. So now you're a member of the their crew...congrats! Just remember that if you're with them, you're against us. Remember, we're the "corrupting influence that's threatening the world's children, women's innocence and drawing praise away from God". Enjoy a few more quotes from others on "your team" -

I am a Christian.
Jerry Falwell

I believe with all my heart that the Bible is the infallible word of God.
Jerry Falwell

I think pornography is a scourge on society.
Jerry Falwell

I am saying pornography hurts anyone who reads it, garbage in, garbage out.
Jerry Falwell

If I were doing something that the Bible condemns, I have two choices. I can straighten up my act, or I can somehow distort and twist and change the meaning of the Bible.
Jerry Falwell

There's an assault on human sexuality, as Judge Scalia said, they've taken sides in the culture war and on top of that if we have a democracy, the democratic processes should be that we can elect representatives who will share our point of view and vote those things into law.
Pat Robertson

We've got a major problem in our culture, as it relates to the Internet and pornography and child pornography.
John Ashcroft

Sex education classes in our public schools are promoting incest.
Jimmy Swaggart

If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go to hell.
Jimmy Swaggart

I also enjoyed these -


"You can cite a hundred references to show that the biblical God is a bloodthirsty tyrant, but if they can dig up two or three verses that say 'God is love', they will claim that *you* are taking things out of context !" ? Dan Barker, "Losing Faith in Faith".

"Citing the Bible as evidence for anything is like saying that the sun is in fact a chariot of fire that races across the sky because we read about it in Greek mythology." ? Stephen Ban.

"The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies." ? Mark Twain.

"The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible." ? Mark Twain.

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." ? Mark Twain.

"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the bible is filled, it would seem more consistent that we called it the word of a demon than the Word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind..." ? Thomas Paine.

"The Bible has been interpreted to justify such evil practices as, for example, slavery, the slaughter of prisoners of war, the sadistic murders of women believed to be witches, capital punishment for hundreds of offenses, polygamy, and cruelty to animals. It has been used to encourage belief in the grossest superstition and to discourage the free teaching of scientific truths. We must never forget that both good and evil flow from the Bible. It is therefore not above criticism." ? Steve Allen, on the Bible, Religion & Morality.

"Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived." ? Isaac Asimov.

"The Bible is the greatest hoax in all history. The leading characters of the Old Testament would today be in the penitentiary and those of the New would be under observation in psychopathic wards." ? Charles Smith (1887-1964) U.S. attorney, author.

"To judge from the notions expounded by theologians, one must conclude that God created most men simply with a view to crowding hell." ? Marquis de Sade.

Donny

Z,

I agree with much of what you write. Which is why I was very happy to find that many Christians are finally beginning to realize the same things. The next time you're in Barnes and Noble, head on over to the Christianity section and check out Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Don't bother purchasing it or anything, just browse the cover and read the back of the cover.

If you have a minute, thumb through the book a bit. It's rather refreshing. And it's a best seller in the Christian community. Good thing, too, because Christians need to hear what he says.

Donny

I can't honestly say I completely disagree with you.