The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) - GoFuckYourself.com

The Duck · 11-27-2006, 05:01 PM

I have to share these ?funniest analogies? with you. They came in an e-mail from my sister. She got them from a cousin, who got them from a friend, who got them from? so they are circulating around. My apologies if you have already seen them.

The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writers. What do you think?

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife?s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn?t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you?re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan?s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Ohface · 11-27-2006, 05:05 PM

Nice.Thx for sharing.

squishypimp · 11-27-2006, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandah

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

my favs

Kimo · 11-27-2006, 06:35 PM

lol - nice

gornyhuy · 11-27-2006, 06:48 PM

that actually made me lol!

vvq · 11-27-2006, 06:49 PM

very funny.

soulbleed · 11-27-2006, 06:59 PM

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

notabook · 11-27-2006, 07:01 PM

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

^---I love it.

viki · 11-27-2006, 07:12 PM

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

This one is very similar to a Douglas Adams quote, but I can't think of it right now and it's driving me crazy.

viki · 11-27-2006, 07:13 PM

Ah, found it with a little bit of Googling...

"It hung in the air, in the same way that bricks don't" - Douglas Adams

tehHinjew · 11-27-2006, 09:10 PM

thats classic... nice find

baddog · 11-27-2006, 09:21 PM

some of those are great

Drake · 11-27-2006, 09:33 PM

LOL good stuff

KrisKross · 11-27-2006, 09:42 PM

These are awesome!

"11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30."

Spunky · 11-27-2006, 09:45 PM

They gave me a chuckle

shekinah · 11-27-2006, 09:49 PM

Haha, I like it very much, thanks for sharing

sniperwolf · 11-27-2006, 10:02 PM

Awesome list.. thanks for sharing mate

Quote:

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

lmaoooo

Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE · 11-27-2006, 10:03 PM

nice i LOL'd

xebec · 11-27-2006, 11:51 PM

i love this thread like i love riding on corvette's sails. yay!
and thank you reckless abandon!

atmclick · 11-27-2006, 11:59 PM

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

haha, i know that feeling, like WHat The Fuck?? it hits in the groin and leaves you standing feeling betrayed and hurt and suckered. like the only thing in the world that doesnt change is yourself though you still rely on things that are changing. jesus thats a great analogy. fucking genius.

xebec · 11-28-2006, 12:31 AM

this thread makes me giggle the way corvette chuckles like elmer fudd!

out hunting rabbits... wascally wabbits!

lol f.f.

Vitasoy · 11-28-2006, 01:20 AM

Most of those are great.

Przemek · 11-28-2006, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandah

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Hahah, this one rulez :D

Theo · 11-28-2006, 02:06 AM

lol good ones

2HousePlague · 11-28-2006, 02:08 AM

I love analogies -- they're like metaphors, but better.

2hp

everestcash · 11-28-2006, 03:09 AM

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

lol) liked this one the most )

tranza · 11-28-2006, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandah

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

My favorites.....

Why · 11-28-2006, 04:28 AM

number 6 was taken from an essay about paris hilton.

luvlyn · 11-28-2006, 04:36 AM

11-28-2006, 04:58 AM

those made me laugh
I love the hefty bag and vegetable soup one.

11-28-2006, 05:01 AM

I found these very funny, like watching a Seinfeld rerun again for the first time.

Lee · 11-28-2006, 05:28 AM

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

Brilliant.

marko13 · 11-28-2006, 05:44 AM

they are so good.....

Sarah_Jayne · 11-28-2006, 06:39 AM

great stuff..for some reason I was always good at analogies and thought they were the easiest part of tests while other people hated doing them

rodney25 · 11-28-2006, 06:40 AM

lol

Got some funny quotes there, man.

The Duck · 11-28-2006, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atmclick

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife?s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

haha, i know that feeling, like WHat The Fuck?? it hits in the groin and leaves you standing feeling betrayed and hurt and suckered. like the only thing in the world that doesnt change is yourself though you still rely on things that are changing. jesus thats a great analogy. fucking genius.

I would have to agree.. good analysis too.

gmr324 · 11-28-2006, 09:06 AM

number 6 is pretty funny!

MikeVega · 11-28-2006, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soulbleed

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

that one was my favorite .. but i like this one also

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

Fuckin Bill · 11-28-2006, 09:26 AM

Some great stuff there. Thanks for sharing

Tom_PM · 11-28-2006, 09:29 AM

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

I like, totally get it. lol

alexg · 11-28-2006, 09:53 AM

carol.prime · 11-28-2006, 10:32 AM

nice post buddy

woj · 11-28-2006, 10:43 AM

some good ones there

Don RELISH · 11-28-2006, 10:52 AM

Unlike a lot of the crap on GFY these are actually bloody funny.

Thanks for sharing mate.

AssPirate · 11-28-2006, 10:52 AM

I love this thread. :-)

Fluid · 11-28-2006, 10:55 AM

great...now everyone in the office was looking at me odd cause I was laughing out loud.

Phoenix · 11-28-2006, 10:58 AM

some are funny..but i also worry about some of the writers..lol

BluewireAngie · 11-28-2006, 11:10 AM

lol!!!

NoWhErE · 11-28-2006, 11:20 AM

This thread is funny, as funny as watching kids with down syndrome play ice hockey without skates.

Lykos · 11-28-2006, 11:24 AM

not bad at all,so funny

11-27-2006, 05:01 PM	#1
The Duck Adult Content Provider Industry Role: Join Date: May 2005 Location: Europe Posts: 18,243	The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) I have to share these ?funniest analogies? with you. They came in an e-mail from my sister. She got them from a cousin, who got them from a friend, who got them from? so they are circulating around. My apologies if you have already seen them. The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writers. What do you think? 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife?s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn?t. 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you?re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan?s teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. __________________ Skype Horusmaia ICQ 41555245 Email [email protected]

11-27-2006, 05:05 PM	#2
Ohface Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Location: MIAMI Posts: 997	Nice.Thx for sharing. __________________ BlackBook Escorts - Your source of Adult Entertainers

11-27-2006, 06:35 PM	#4
Kimo ... Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Maryland ICQ:87038677 Posts: 11,542	lol - nice __________________ ...

11-27-2006, 06:48 PM	#5
gornyhuy Chafed. Join Date: May 2002 Location: Face Down in Pussy Posts: 18,041	that actually made me lol! __________________ icq:159548293

11-27-2006, 06:49 PM	#6
vvq Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: TrafficGigolos.com Posts: 2,732	very funny. __________________ SQUIRTING - LESBIAN SPANKING - TITTY FUCKING - WET PANTIES - MORE We offer free hosting, your own designer (works for free), and unsaturated content for gallery and free site submitters. Just contact me! E-mail: [email protected]

11-27-2006, 06:59 PM	#7
soulbleed Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 2,606	20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

11-27-2006, 07:01 PM	#8
notabook Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Not a Library! Posts: 9,748	14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. ^---I love it. __________________

11-27-2006, 07:12 PM	#9
viki Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 2,640	9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. This one is very similar to a Douglas Adams quote, but I can't think of it right now and it's driving me crazy. __________________ viki [at] realsexcash [dot] com 228 263 454

11-27-2006, 07:13 PM	#10
viki Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 2,640	Ah, found it with a little bit of Googling... "It hung in the air, in the same way that bricks don't" - Douglas Adams __________________ viki [at] realsexcash [dot] com 228 263 454

11-27-2006, 09:10 PM	#11
tehHinjew Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: MTL Posts: 5,755	thats classic... nice find __________________ Hot Porn Wanna trade? email me at wanker (@) wanknation dot com

11-27-2006, 09:21 PM	#12
baddog So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: the beach, SoCal Posts: 107,089	some of those are great

11-27-2006, 09:33 PM	#13
Drake Hello world! Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 12,508	LOL good stuff

11-27-2006, 09:42 PM	#14
KrisKross Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 5,024	These are awesome! "11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30." __________________

11-27-2006, 09:45 PM	#15
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,943	They gave me a chuckle __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

11-27-2006, 09:49 PM	#16
shekinah Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 8,452	Haha, I like it very much, thanks for sharing __________________ [Web Design \| Development \| Programming \| Content Writing ] ICQ: 238-890-469

11-27-2006, 10:03 PM	#18
Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE MOBILE PORN: IMOBILEPORN Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Tinseltown NL Posts: 16,502	nice i LOL'd

11-27-2006, 11:51 PM	#19
xebec Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 46	i love this thread like i love riding on corvette's sails. yay! and thank you reckless abandon!

11-27-2006, 11:59 PM	#20
atmclick Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: downtown chicago Posts: 167	8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. haha, i know that feeling, like WHat The Fuck?? it hits in the groin and leaves you standing feeling betrayed and hurt and suckered. like the only thing in the world that doesnt change is yourself though you still rely on things that are changing. jesus thats a great analogy. fucking genius.

11-28-2006, 12:31 AM	#21
xebec Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 46	this thread makes me giggle the way corvette chuckles like elmer fudd! out hunting rabbits... wascally wabbits! lol f.f.

11-28-2006, 01:20 AM	#22
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	Most of those are great. __________________ [email protected]

11-28-2006, 02:06 AM	#24
Theo HAL 9000 Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 34,515	lol good ones

11-28-2006, 02:08 AM	#25
2HousePlague CURATOR Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: the attic Posts: 14,572	I love analogies -- they're like metaphors, but better. 2hp __________________ tada!

11-28-2006, 03:09 AM	#26
everestcash Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 2,194	6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. lol) liked this one the most ) __________________ Got solo girls/teen traffic? Promote our exclusive solo girl sites and boost your income!

11-28-2006, 04:28 AM	#28
Why MFBA Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: PNW Posts: 7,230	number 6 was taken from an essay about paris hilton.

11-28-2006, 04:36 AM	#29
luvlyn Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: canada Posts: 498	__________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

11-28-2006, 04:58 AM	#30
teh ghey Guest Posts: n/a	those made me laugh I love the hefty bag and vegetable soup one.

11-28-2006, 05:01 AM	#31
teh ghey Guest Posts: n/a	I found these very funny, like watching a Seinfeld rerun again for the first time.

11-28-2006, 05:28 AM	#32
Lee Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Kernow Posts: 2,977	8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. Brilliant.

11-28-2006, 05:44 AM	#33
marko13 Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: www.lvpshosting.com Posts: 7,512	they are so good..... __________________ We are responsible for your hosting ... Enjoy in your life. Shared hosting from $3.95 Europe Linux VPS plans from $11.37 http://www.LVPSHosting.com

11-28-2006, 06:39 AM	#34
Sarah_Jayne Now with more Jayne Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 40,077	great stuff..for some reason I was always good at analogies and thought they were the easiest part of tests while other people hated doing them

11-28-2006, 06:40 AM	#35
rodney25 Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 7,090	lol Got some funny quotes there, man. __________________ AFFORDABLE Hosting -- Extreme Dependability -- FULL Service ICQ ME for DAMN GOOD HOSTING DEALS: 5380773

11-28-2006, 09:06 AM	#37
gmr324 Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,199	number 6 is pretty funny!

11-28-2006, 09:26 AM	#39
Fuckin Bill Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 1,020	Some great stuff there. Thanks for sharing

11-28-2006, 09:29 AM	#40
Tom_PM Porn Meister Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 16,443	25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. I like, totally get it. lol __________________ 43-922-863 Shut up and play your guitar.

11-28-2006, 09:53 AM	#41
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