VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES---read - GoFuckYourself.com

Juicy D. Links · 11-22-2006, 01:38 PM

VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

Policy: Effective from December 1st, 2006

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
-- If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
-- If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
-- If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the Department's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our Department. We are here to provide a positive employment experience and continue to be an employer of choice. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Ice · 11-22-2006, 01:42 PM

tabasco · 11-22-2006, 01:46 PM

You forgot one

Promotion

You will be promoted till you reach your level of incompetance.

Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE · 11-23-2006, 08:05 AM

looks like they cared

BluewireAngie · 11-23-2006, 08:41 AM

Nice List!!

MikeVega · 11-23-2006, 08:48 AM

first how did you get the Mobbucks employee guide ?? take it from my desk last week ..

Second .. make sure you follow those rules when you come to the office from now on ..

PS. your on the borderline for the 5 min lunch ...lol

marko13 · 11-23-2006, 08:49 AM

wow ... i really like that policy....

Kimo · 11-23-2006, 08:52 AM

hahahahahhaa

reynold · 11-23-2006, 08:54 AM

Fair enough. Good luck to that company.

NinjaSteve · 11-23-2006, 08:55 AM

cool policy!

cheekycherry · 11-23-2006, 08:55 AM

lol that's good!

fuzebox · 11-23-2006, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juicy D. Links

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Well shit, there's an equal opportunity employer

I didn't know fat people got jobs...

11-22-2006, 01:38 PM	#1
Juicy D. Links So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: N.Y. -Long Island -- Posts: 122,992	VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES---read VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES Policy: Effective from December 1st, 2006 Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. -- If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. -- If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. -- If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the Department's mental health policy. Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our Department. We are here to provide a positive employment experience and continue to be an employer of choice. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

11-22-2006, 01:42 PM	#2
Ice Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Sunny California Posts: 26,053	__________________ icq 1904905

11-22-2006, 01:46 PM	#3
tabasco Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: In a van down by the river Posts: 2,624	You forgot one Promotion You will be promoted till you reach your level of incompetance. __________________ "There is no other way to see a thing except to look at it" - fatfoo

11-23-2006, 08:41 AM	#5
BluewireAngie Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Makati Posts: 4,643	Nice List!! __________________ Web Design & Programming - Creative Mainstream Style Web Design and Programming PORTFOLIO Custom Cartoons - High Quality Cartoon Studio PORTFOLIO Offshore Staff - Save Money & Grow Faster With Dedicated Offshore Staff PRICING ICQ:282-072-512

11-23-2006, 08:48 AM	#6
MikeVega Porntrepreneur Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: New York Posts: 12,788	first how did you get the Mobbucks employee guide ?? take it from my desk last week .. Second .. make sure you follow those rules when you come to the office from now on .. PS. your on the borderline for the 5 min lunch ...lol __________________ Mike Vega-ICQ:253868499-AIM:mikeydicevega Last edited by MikeVega; 11-23-2006 at 08:50 AM..

11-23-2006, 08:05 AM	#4
Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE North Coast Pimp Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: 304-534-757 Posts: 9,395	looks like they cared

11-23-2006, 08:49 AM	#7
marko13 Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: www.lvpshosting.com Posts: 7,512	wow ... i really like that policy.... __________________ We are responsible for your hosting ... Enjoy in your life. Shared hosting from $3.95 Europe Linux VPS plans from $11.37 http://www.LVPSHosting.com

11-23-2006, 08:52 AM	#8
Kimo ... Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Maryland ICQ:87038677 Posts: 11,542	hahahahahhaa __________________ ...

11-23-2006, 08:54 AM	#9
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	Fair enough. Good luck to that company.

11-23-2006, 08:55 AM	#10
NinjaSteve Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 11,089	cool policy! __________________ ...

11-23-2006, 08:55 AM	#11
cheekycherry Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: N/A Posts: 1,703	lol that's good!