Disorder in America - GoFuckYourself.com

dougeetx · 09-21-2006, 04:01 PM

> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
> by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
> were actually taking place.
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> WITNESS: July 18th.
> ATTORNEY: What year?
> WITNESS: Every year.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? <
> FONT face=Arial color=black size=2>
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?!
> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
> ________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: &nbs! p;Would you repeat the question?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh....
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> ! WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys? < BR>WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: ! He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: & nbsp; Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
> dead people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> !
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WI TNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy on him!
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sa mple?
> WITNESS: Huh?
> ____________________________________________
>
> And the best for last
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATT ORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing law.

rodney25 · 09-21-2006, 04:03 PM

Courtroom humor is simply the best

_Lush_ · 09-21-2006, 04:05 PM

Funnnnny Shit

BusterBunny · 09-21-2006, 04:06 PM

some good shit in there

AdPatron · 09-21-2006, 04:07 PM

I just farted.

sniperwolf · 09-21-2006, 06:30 PM

rolf... so funny it hurts... haha

Drake · 09-21-2006, 06:45 PM

E$_manager · 09-21-2006, 06:47 PM

THat is so funny!!!!

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo

Webby · 09-21-2006, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dougeetx

> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATT ORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing law.

Theres nothing worse than an attorney pressing for the right answers for an attack in a dead cause (literally)

tehHinjew · 09-21-2006, 07:01 PM

old but fucking HALARIOUS

Yngwie · 09-21-2006, 07:15 PM

LOL that gave me a good laugh

squishypimp · 09-21-2006, 07:16 PM

lol that was good

Ace_luffy · 09-21-2006, 07:18 PM

reynold · 09-21-2006, 07:21 PM

Thanks for the hard laugh

09-21-2006, 04:01 PM	#1
dougeetx Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 6,163	Disorder in America > These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things > people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published > by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges > were actually taking place. > > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? > WITNESS: No, I just lie there. > ________________________________ > ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? > WITNESS: July 18th. > ATTORNEY: What year? > WITNESS: Every year. > _____________________________________ > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? < > FONT face=Arial color=black size=2> > WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? > WITNESS: I forget. > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? > _____________________________________ > ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? > WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. > ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?! > WITNESS: Forty-five years. > _____________________________________ > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? > WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? > WITNESS: My name is Susan. > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? > WITNESS: We both do. > ATTORNEY: Voodoo? > WITNESS: We do. > ATTORNEY: You do? > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, > he doesn't know about it until the next morning? > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? > ____________________________________ > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? > WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. > ________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? > WITNESS: &nbs! p;Would you repeat the question? > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? > WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? > WITNESS: Uh.... > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? > ! WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: How many were boys? < BR>WITNESS: None. > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? > WITNESS: By death. > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? > WITNESS: ! He was about medium height and had a beard. > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition > notice which I sent to your attorney? > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: & nbsp; Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on > dead people? > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? > ! > WITNESS: Oral. > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? > WI TNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an > autopsy on him! > ____________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sa mple? > WITNESS: Huh? > ____________________________________________ > > And the best for last > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a > pulse? > WITNESS: No. > ATT ORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began > the autopsy? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. > ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and > practicing law. __________________ Coming Soon! A NEW revolution in black adult social networking!

09-21-2006, 04:03 PM	#2
rodney25 Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 7,090	Courtroom humor is simply the best __________________ AFFORDABLE Hosting -- Extreme Dependability -- FULL Service ICQ ME for DAMN GOOD HOSTING DEALS: 5380773

09-21-2006, 04:05 PM	#3
_Lush_ Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: GDL Jal. Posts: 536	Funnnnny Shit __________________ IcQ 50611033

09-21-2006, 04:06 PM	#4
BusterBunny perverted justice decoy Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: unborn still in the womb connected via blackberry Posts: 19,291	some good shit in there __________________ my sig caught gonoherpasyphilaids and died

09-21-2006, 06:30 PM	#6
sniperwolf Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 17,743	rolf... so funny it hurts... haha __________________ ~Accepting design works~

09-21-2006, 04:07 PM	#5
AdPatron No commissions, no fees. Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: USA Posts: 17,706	I just farted.

09-21-2006, 06:45 PM	#7
Drake Hello world! Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 12,508

09-21-2006, 06:47 PM	#8
E$_manager Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: pink adult dreams Posts: 13,557	THat is so funny!!!! ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? > WITNESS: We both do. > ATTORNEY: Voodoo? > WITNESS: We do. > ATTORNEY: You do? > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo __________________ Enjoy more sales with EnjoyBucks! Homemade: Asian : Ebony : GFs : Voyeur : Nudist : Public : 3D

09-21-2006, 07:01 PM	#10
tehHinjew Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: MTL Posts: 5,755	old but fucking HALARIOUS __________________ Hot Porn Wanna trade? email me at wanker (@) wanknation dot com

09-21-2006, 07:15 PM	#11
Yngwie I am an Alien from space Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 11,118	LOL that gave me a good laugh __________________ ICQ: 16544251 - Skype: gator37 @ eastlink.ca - email: yngwie @ isys.ca

09-21-2006, 07:16 PM	#12
squishypimp PostMaster General Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 10,781	lol that was good __________________ Signature For Sale

09-21-2006, 07:18 PM	#13
Ace_luffy www.creationcrew.com Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: CREATIONCREW.COM CREATIONCREW.COM CREATIONCREW.COM CREATIONCREW.COM CREATIONCREW.COM CREATIONCREW.COM Posts: 12,110	__________________ ++ Adult and Mainstream Websites Designs \| 10 banners for only $50 \| html5 Banners ++ email : [email protected] Telegram : https://t.me/creationcrew \| HTML5/Responsive Site - Div/CSS - ElevatedX - NATs - Wordpress

09-21-2006, 07:21 PM	#14
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	Thanks for the hard laugh