JDL Post: ---Blonde Jokes---- - GoFuckYourself.com

Juicy D. Links · 06-15-2006, 05:42 AM

Got these emailed to me

Blonde LOGIC
Two blondes living in Arizona were sitting on a bench talking.......
and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida..?????"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died... After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday, you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side..."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken..."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!!!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "Duh, we're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!!!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off???"

FINALLY,
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!!!"

notabook · 06-15-2006, 05:45 AM

I liked all of those except the IN A VACUUM joke, I mean the premise is a blonde playing Trivial Pursuit! What kind of setup is that? We all know blondes can't play Trivial Pursuit... it's their kryptonite, their silver bullet!

Manowar · 06-15-2006, 05:50 AM

Muahahahaha

Juicy D. Links · 06-15-2006, 05:53 AM

btw i didnt even read the jokes so lmk if they are good

Katinka · 06-15-2006, 06:01 AM

Got one more

a blonde is going to the haidresser and having her hair cut. She is wearing headphones and tells the hairdresser that no matter what he is not allowed to remove the headphones. He starts cutting her hair and at a certain point he is forced to remove the headphones, otherwise he cannot continue to cut her hair. A few minutes after he has removed the headphones the blonde drops dead on the floor. He gets scared offcourse and pics up the headphones and puts them on to find out what was so important. All he hears in the headphones are: breath in - breath out - breath in - breath out.

Farang · 06-15-2006, 06:02 AM

hahahahh good ones

Spunky · 06-15-2006, 06:28 AM

Lol.those were funny

BluewireAngie · 06-15-2006, 06:47 AM

funny!!!

fris · 06-15-2006, 06:49 AM

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.

Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"

Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees?
A: Come.

Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O

Q: How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
A: She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg.

Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.

Q: How do you know a blond likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.

Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
A: Her crayons are still sticky.

Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q: Why can't blondes count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A: They spread for the bread.

Q: What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
A: Cherry Float

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: a foursome.

Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: Penicillin.

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.

Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.

Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.

Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.

Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

Q: What do blonde virgins eat?
A: Baby food.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm sooo drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
A: She wanted to go on a round trip.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
A: Pubic hair.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.

Q: What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him?
A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish."

Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.

Q: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
A: Thanks for the refill.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.

Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.

Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Lydia007 · 06-15-2006, 07:44 AM

What would the world do without blondes?

Vitasoy · 06-15-2006, 07:56 AM

heh those cracked me up

gecko · 06-15-2006, 10:17 AM

Lol............

axelcat · 06-15-2006, 10:22 AM

reynold · 06-15-2006, 09:31 PM

A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"

MaddCaz · 06-15-2006, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juicy D. Links

btw i didnt even read the jokes so lmk if they are good

06-15-2006, 05:42 AM	#1
Juicy D. Links So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: N.Y. -Long Island -- Posts: 122,992	JDL Post: ---Blonde Jokes---- Got these emailed to me Blonde LOGIC Two blondes living in Arizona were sitting on a bench talking....... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida..?????" CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died... After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday, you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side..." AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken..." KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!!!" BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "Duh, we're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!!!" IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off???" FINALLY, A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!!!"

06-15-2006, 05:45 AM	#2
notabook Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Not a Library! Posts: 9,748	I liked all of those except the IN A VACUUM joke, I mean the premise is a blonde playing Trivial Pursuit! What kind of setup is that? We all know blondes can't play Trivial Pursuit... it's their kryptonite, their silver bullet! __________________

06-15-2006, 06:01 AM	#5
Katinka Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Location: Copenhagen, Denmark Posts: 434	Got one more a blonde is going to the haidresser and having her hair cut. She is wearing headphones and tells the hairdresser that no matter what he is not allowed to remove the headphones. He starts cutting her hair and at a certain point he is forced to remove the headphones, otherwise he cannot continue to cut her hair. A few minutes after he has removed the headphones the blonde drops dead on the floor. He gets scared offcourse and pics up the headphones and puts them on to find out what was so important. All he hears in the headphones are: breath in - breath out - breath in - breath out. __________________ PervCash.com - All high converting content. Free content and TGP ready FHGs

06-15-2006, 06:02 AM	#6
Farang one sick puppy Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Where the worst of the West meets the worst of the East Posts: 11,641	hahahahh good ones __________________ i sale uncensored chatbots

06-15-2006, 06:28 AM	#7
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,949	Lol.those were funny __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

06-15-2006, 05:50 AM	#3
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	Muahahahaha

06-15-2006, 05:53 AM	#4
Juicy D. Links So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: N.Y. -Long Island -- Posts: 122,992	btw i didnt even read the jokes so lmk if they are good

06-15-2006, 06:47 AM	#8
BluewireAngie Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Makati Posts: 4,643	funny!!! __________________ Web Design & Programming - Creative Mainstream Style Web Design and Programming PORTFOLIO Custom Cartoons - High Quality Cartoon Studio PORTFOLIO Offshore Staff - Save Money & Grow Faster With Dedicated Offshore Staff PRICING ICQ:282-072-512

06-15-2006, 06:49 AM	#9
fris Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 55,382	Q: How do blonde brain cells die? A: Alone. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant? A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant. Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?" Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees? A: Come. Q: How does a blond spell farm? A: E-I-E-I-O Q: How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style? A: She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg. Q: How does a blond kill a fish? A: She drowns it. Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor? A: By the ears. Q: How do you know a blond likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row. Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk? A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor! Q: Why can't blondes count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt'n peckers. Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter? A: They spread for the bread. Q: What do you call a blonde on a waterbed? A: Cherry Float Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125? A: a foursome. Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything? A: Penicillin. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? A: An air bag. Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity? A: B.J. Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped? A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open. Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft. Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: To keep their ankles warm. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? A: It's too hard to re-train them. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear. Q: What do blonde virgins eat? A: Baby food. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm sooo drunk!" Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!" : How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid? A: She wanted to go on a round trip. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde? A: Thirty minutes of begging. Q: What is a blonde's idea of dental floss? A: Pubic hair. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A1: You need a quarter to use the phone. A2: Only one person can use the phone at once. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen. Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? A: She peed on her corn flakes. Q: What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him? A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish." Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side. Q: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra? A: Thanks for the refill. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt." Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde. Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum) Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? A: She opens the car door. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb! Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a torch in her ears. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A1: She drops her nail-file! A2: Who cares? A3: She says, "Next". A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. A6: I mean, who really cares? A7: The batteries have run out. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? A: Unfertilized. Q: How do you drown a blond? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Don't tell her to swallow. A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all bitch. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? A: One's a phony buck. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is? A: An Italian suppository. Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. __________________ Since 1999: 69 Adult Industry awards for Best Hosting Company and professional excellence. WP Stuff

06-15-2006, 07:44 AM	#10
Lydia007 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Montreal Posts: 1	What would the world do without blondes?

06-15-2006, 07:56 AM	#11
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	heh those cracked me up __________________ [email protected]

06-15-2006, 10:17 AM	#12
gecko ****** Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 21,846	Lol............ __________________ [email protected]

06-15-2006, 10:22 AM	#13
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450

06-15-2006, 09:31 PM	#14
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"