$300.00 (us) just for reading this thread.

[vod]

$300.00 (us) just for reading this thread.

That's right it will cost you $300.00 (us) just for reading my thread, but today is free, remember next time I will charge u ;-)

Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and
exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I advised?

Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.



Promote Video on Demand with XonDemand

[bringer]

why do midgets laugh while playing soccer?

because the grass tickles their balls

[ne0]

Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.

[baX]

The second one is better LOL

[camouflaged123]

Bringers joke was better and to the point...hehe

[CaptainWolfy]

hehehe nice jokes

[ne0]

Originally Posted by camouflaged123

Bringers joke was better and to the point...hehe

agreed

[xerex]

Originally Posted by bringer

why do midgets laugh while playing soccer?

because the grass tickles their balls

[vod]

heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff.

[vod]

Q. Why are men like cars?

A. Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

hahaha....

[gooddomains]

hahaha, funny

[BluewireAngie]

Originally Posted by vod

heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff.

[NoCarrier]

Originally Posted by vod

Q. Why are men like cars?

A. Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

hahaha....

At least YOU are laughing.

[Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE]

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

[vod]

Originally Posted by LOL :D

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

hahaha nice 1 - what do you call the nipple ?

[one eight]

bringer! bringer! bringer!

[one eight]

2 Iraqui women are making their way through an Iraqui open market when one stops and picks up a potato:

"Wow", she says, holding it in front of her "This potato reminds me of my Achmed's balls..."

"Really?!!" the other woman asks, "Achmed's balls are that big?!!"

"No", the first woman says, "They're this dirty"

[vod]

Originally Posted by AdultSeriesCash

2 Iraqui women are making their way through an Iraqui open market when one stops and picks up a potato:
"Wow", she says, holding it in front of her "This potato reminds me of my Achmed's balls..."
"Really?!!" the other woman asks, "Achmed's balls are that big?!!"
"No", the first woman says, "They're this dirty"

nice 1

[madawgz]

when do i get my money??

[gimo33]

One day, in line at a company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-mart." That afternoon, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. When he got home, he =20 mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and his own sperm sample for good measure, and hurried to Wal-mart before it closed, eager to check the results. He =20 deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results. The computer lights up, and ten =20 seconds later prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener kit. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart

[gimo33]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

[gimo33]

Father Murphy walks into a bar in Chicago, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said; "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to Jimmy and said, "Do you want to go to heaven? Jimmy said, "No, I don't Father. The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" Jimmy said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

[I'm a sig whore]

Originally Posted by AdultSeriesCash

2 Iraqui women are making their way through an Iraqui open market when one stops and picks up a potato:

"Wow", she says, holding it in front of her "This potato reminds me of my Achmed's balls..."

"Really?!!" the other woman asks, "Achmed's balls are that big?!!"

"No", the first woman says, "They're this dirty"

[gimo33]

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute, and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course the Madam said no! He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall, dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom, and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG.

[gimo33]

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune....

"One US soldier is better than ten Taliban"

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then ssilence. The voice then call out.....

"One US soldier is better than one hundred Taliban"

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune, and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again....

"One US soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander..... "Don't send any more men... it's a trap... there's two of them!"...

[gimo33]

There are three ladies working together in the same office - a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. After a while, they begin to notice that each day their boss, who is also female, leaves work early.

After this pattern continued for a few weeks, one day they decide that as soon as their boss takes off they'll leave right after her; after all, she never comes back or calls so how would she know? So, after their boss takes off they all leave as planned.

The brunette was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting her dinner date. The redhead was thrilled to be home early; she did a little gardening and went to bed early.

As for the blonde, she was so happy to finally come home early for once. But when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house without saying a word.

The next day during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again and asked the blonde if she wanted to go with them.

"NO WAY!" The blonde exclaimed, "I damn near got caught yesterday!"

[gimo33]

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he'd be able to get home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, even offering his credit card numbers, drivers license number, address, and so forth, but to no avail. The cabbie yelled, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to catch a ride back to the airport.

Naturally, sitting at the end of a long line of cabs was his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the driver pay for his lack of charity, when he came up with the perfect plan.

He got in the first cab in line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.

"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"

"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he finally got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"

The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

[gimo33]

Three women at the doctors office. The first one goes in to see the doctor. When the doctor goes to examine her he notices a big Y on her chest.
The doctor asks, " Why do you have a big Y on your chest?"

She replys, " Well, my boyfriend went to Yale and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."

The doctor nods and continues on with the next patient. When he examines her he notices a big H on her chest.

Agian, the doctor asks, " How did you get a big H on your chest?" The woman replys " My husband went to Harvard and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."

The doctors just nods his head and continues on with the last patient. As he examines her he notices once again that this woman also has a letter on her chest. A large M.

He says, " Dont tell me, your boyfriend went to Michigan?"

" NO" replys the patient " But my girlfriend went to Wisconsin"

[gimo33]

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it his wife's birthday. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young. Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has.
Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife. Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom.
Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she's never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all.
So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked. She calls out, ''Marvin, come out to the hallway and look.''
Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, ''All that money and they didn't even iron it?!''

[gimo33]

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get two hookers for their 21st birthday. So the two grab two hookers, rent a hotel room, turn off the lights and proceed to partake in the festivities.

The first midget gets so nervous that he can't get it up. After two hours of coaxing and stroking and praying, he throws the sheets over himself and gives up. To makes things worse for the poor little fella, was that he had to listen to his brother say, ''One, two, three. Ugh! One, two, three. Ugh!'' all night long.

In the morning, the second midget greets his brother and asks him how his night went?

The first brother replies, ''Man, it was terrible. I couldn't even get my shit up.'' The second brother replies, ''You couldn't get it up? I couldn't even get on the bed."

[gimo33]

A gay man walks into a country bar and says, "I just want everyone to know that I'm gay, but I won't hit on anyone. I just like country music."

The bartender says that it's okay and the man stays.

The next day the gay man comes back with another guy and says, "This is my brother. I just want everyone to know that we're gay, but we won't hit on anyone. We just like country music."

The bartender again says that is okay and the men stay.

Again, the next day the man comes back, but this time he is with even more men and says, "These are my cousins and my brother. I just want everyone to know that we're gay, but we won't hit on anyone. We just like country music."

The bartender finally gets curious and asks, "Hey, doesn't ANYONE in your family like girls?"

The gay man replies, "Yeah, but she doesn't like country music."

[gimo33]

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

[gimo33]

During Marine Basic Training Camp a Captain received information that the mother of one of the recruits had passed away. The Captain calls Sergeant Black into his office and tells him, "When you line up the troops this morning you need to inform Private Jones that his mother died."

"Yes Sir!" says Black. That morning as the men were lined up Black bellows out, "Hup, hey, ho, ho. Jones your mother died." Jones falls over with a heart attack.

A month later the Captain calls Black into his office and says, "Black, you need to tell Private Smith his mother died. But this time use some tact. I don't want to lose another good recruit.

"Yes Sir!" Black answers.

This time when the men are lined up Black yells out, "Okay. All you men with living mothers take one step forward - NOT SO FAST, SMITH!"

[gimo33]

A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, Ihahaha8217;m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. Ihahaha8217;ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus hehahaha8217;s screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry".

[gimo33]

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in San Diego County , and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the relentless rain for 40 days and 40 nights". Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I now needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. "My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. "Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. "Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go! "When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. "Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. "I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. "Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. "And don't get me started about insurance . "To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. "So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark. " Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

[gimo33]

hope you find some of those funny...

[Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE]

[Manowar]

Originally Posted by bringer

why do midgets laugh while playing soccer?

because the grass tickles their balls

[woj]

[nikki99]

first joke u made me laff so bad

[Vitasoy]

Some of them are not bad

[vod]

hahahahahaha

[vod]

Originally Posted by vod

heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff.

this one is mmyy ffaavvoorriittee

[vod]

bump for joke thread

[scottybuzz]

Promote Videos In My Sig ...

[2HousePlague]

My belly hurts now --

2hp

[giftedtwisted]

I pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheels shoved down the front of his pants.

Bartender says "did you know you have a steering wheel down the front of your pants?"

The pirate replies "Harrrrr I know, and its driven me nutz!"

[WWC-Pajio]

.....funny jokes!! :D

[tranza]

Lol, some nice jokes in this thread....

[vod]

;-) jokes are what make us laugh... hahaha