How to Get Rich in Adult in 10 Easy Steps - GoFuckYourself.com

minusonebit · 04-27-2006, 08:01 PM

I think I have discovered the secret to getting rich in adult. Being the unselfish person I am, I have decided to share.

1. Form a corporation, that way you're protected and everyone else will be left high and dry.

2. Get a domain with the word "pay" or "bill" in it. Then get a couple of merchant accounts somewhere.

3. Open a professional-looking website offering third-party billing services. Tell everyone how great you are and about your low, low fees. Start processing.

4. Take a hefty percentage out of any sales that happen to get processed when the system happens to be up. For good measure, throw a few chargebacks in that didnt happen, debiting the merchant and adding to the office party fund.

5. In about a year, announce some fablious sale or promotion to get all kinds of suckers to start processing with you like no signup fee or no transaction charge or whatever.

6. As the money rolls in, keep posting about how wonderful you are. Go to tradeshows. Have groupies form around you and say you're the best ever. If you say it enough, they'll belive you. Direct your partner or whoever to take as much office equiptment and stuff of value and put it on eBay.

7. When they sign on and make you thier primary processor, have a database issue that delays the processing of the batch payments to merchants. Send a sob story about how you're really sorry for all the hassle this is causing everyone.

8. Now is a good time to have a PBX meltdown, too. And a couple of database issues is a nice touch, too. While the imaginary techs are working to resolve the phone issues, run down to the bank with a duffle bag.

9. By the time you miss the second pay date, everyone knows you've fucked them. To hell with trying to keep people from realizing they have been fucked. Announce that the company has spent more money than it makes and announce your plan to restructure.

10. By this time, there is nothing left to restructure. While people debate thec company's future (or lack thereof) on GFY, book a flight to a safe place and live happly ever after.

Snake Doctor · 04-27-2006, 08:02 PM

This thread is useless without pics

clickclickclick · 04-27-2006, 08:02 PM

congrats to chili media for the wonderful whoring.

Screaming · 04-27-2006, 08:04 PM

Ibill says hi.

woj · 04-27-2006, 08:06 PM

sounds like a great plan

04-27-2006, 08:01 PM	#1
minusonebit So Fucking Banned Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: [email protected] Posts: 7,391	How to Get Rich in Adult in 10 Easy Steps I think I have discovered the secret to getting rich in adult. Being the unselfish person I am, I have decided to share. 1. Form a corporation, that way you're protected and everyone else will be left high and dry. 2. Get a domain with the word "pay" or "bill" in it. Then get a couple of merchant accounts somewhere. 3. Open a professional-looking website offering third-party billing services. Tell everyone how great you are and about your low, low fees. Start processing. 4. Take a hefty percentage out of any sales that happen to get processed when the system happens to be up. For good measure, throw a few chargebacks in that didnt happen, debiting the merchant and adding to the office party fund. 5. In about a year, announce some fablious sale or promotion to get all kinds of suckers to start processing with you like no signup fee or no transaction charge or whatever. 6. As the money rolls in, keep posting about how wonderful you are. Go to tradeshows. Have groupies form around you and say you're the best ever. If you say it enough, they'll belive you. Direct your partner or whoever to take as much office equiptment and stuff of value and put it on eBay. 7. When they sign on and make you thier primary processor, have a database issue that delays the processing of the batch payments to merchants. Send a sob story about how you're really sorry for all the hassle this is causing everyone. 8. Now is a good time to have a PBX meltdown, too. And a couple of database issues is a nice touch, too. While the imaginary techs are working to resolve the phone issues, run down to the bank with a duffle bag. 9. By the time you miss the second pay date, everyone knows you've fucked them. To hell with trying to keep people from realizing they have been fucked. Announce that the company has spent more money than it makes and announce your plan to restructure. 10. By this time, there is nothing left to restructure. While people debate thec company's future (or lack thereof) on GFY, book a flight to a safe place and live happly ever after.

04-27-2006, 08:02 PM	#2
Snake Doctor I'm Lenny2 Bitch Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: On top of my soapbox Posts: 13,449	This thread is useless without pics __________________ sig too big

04-27-2006, 08:02 PM	#3
clickclickclick Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 1,227	congrats to chili media for the wonderful whoring. __________________ if you need more than 3 clicks to get to a join page, something is wrong ;) p.s. i still bring the sales whores here.

04-27-2006, 08:04 PM	#4
Screaming I can change this!!!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 18,972	Ibill says hi. __________________

04-27-2006, 08:06 PM	#5
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	sounds like a great plan __________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager