GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - View Single Post - How to Get Rich in Adult in 10 Easy Steps

minusonebit · 04-27-2006, 08:01 PM

I think I have discovered the secret to getting rich in adult. Being the unselfish person I am, I have decided to share.

1. Form a corporation, that way you're protected and everyone else will be left high and dry.

2. Get a domain with the word "pay" or "bill" in it. Then get a couple of merchant accounts somewhere.

3. Open a professional-looking website offering third-party billing services. Tell everyone how great you are and about your low, low fees. Start processing.

4. Take a hefty percentage out of any sales that happen to get processed when the system happens to be up. For good measure, throw a few chargebacks in that didnt happen, debiting the merchant and adding to the office party fund.

5. In about a year, announce some fablious sale or promotion to get all kinds of suckers to start processing with you like no signup fee or no transaction charge or whatever.

6. As the money rolls in, keep posting about how wonderful you are. Go to tradeshows. Have groupies form around you and say you're the best ever. If you say it enough, they'll belive you. Direct your partner or whoever to take as much office equiptment and stuff of value and put it on eBay.

7. When they sign on and make you thier primary processor, have a database issue that delays the processing of the batch payments to merchants. Send a sob story about how you're really sorry for all the hassle this is causing everyone.

8. Now is a good time to have a PBX meltdown, too. And a couple of database issues is a nice touch, too. While the imaginary techs are working to resolve the phone issues, run down to the bank with a duffle bag.

9. By the time you miss the second pay date, everyone knows you've fucked them. To hell with trying to keep people from realizing they have been fucked. Announce that the company has spent more money than it makes and announce your plan to restructure.

10. By this time, there is nothing left to restructure. While people debate thec company's future (or lack thereof) on GFY, book a flight to a safe place and live happly ever after.

04-27-2006, 08:01 PM
minusonebit So Fucking Banned Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: [email protected] Posts: 7,391	How to Get Rich in Adult in 10 Easy Steps I think I have discovered the secret to getting rich in adult. Being the unselfish person I am, I have decided to share. 1. Form a corporation, that way you're protected and everyone else will be left high and dry. 2. Get a domain with the word "pay" or "bill" in it. Then get a couple of merchant accounts somewhere. 3. Open a professional-looking website offering third-party billing services. Tell everyone how great you are and about your low, low fees. Start processing. 4. Take a hefty percentage out of any sales that happen to get processed when the system happens to be up. For good measure, throw a few chargebacks in that didnt happen, debiting the merchant and adding to the office party fund. 5. In about a year, announce some fablious sale or promotion to get all kinds of suckers to start processing with you like no signup fee or no transaction charge or whatever. 6. As the money rolls in, keep posting about how wonderful you are. Go to tradeshows. Have groupies form around you and say you're the best ever. If you say it enough, they'll belive you. Direct your partner or whoever to take as much office equiptment and stuff of value and put it on eBay. 7. When they sign on and make you thier primary processor, have a database issue that delays the processing of the batch payments to merchants. Send a sob story about how you're really sorry for all the hassle this is causing everyone. 8. Now is a good time to have a PBX meltdown, too. And a couple of database issues is a nice touch, too. While the imaginary techs are working to resolve the phone issues, run down to the bank with a duffle bag. 9. By the time you miss the second pay date, everyone knows you've fucked them. To hell with trying to keep people from realizing they have been fucked. Announce that the company has spent more money than it makes and announce your plan to restructure. 10. By this time, there is nothing left to restructure. While people debate thec company's future (or lack thereof) on GFY, book a flight to a safe place and live happly ever after.