Best Break Up Letter Ever! - GoFuckYourself.com

LaurieX · 02-28-2006, 12:05 PM

It's a bit long but funny as hell!

"Dear Susan :

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean?

Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some ****ling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.

She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She?s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us.

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the remote control is.

John"

Downtime · 02-28-2006, 12:07 PM

lol that is pretty funny, nice find!

Web Lass · 02-28-2006, 12:07 PM

Quote:

half a pint of throat yogurt

Web Lass · 02-28-2006, 12:11 PM

Quote:

your baby sister's cinnamon ring

That was an excellent find. *sends it to everyone she knows*

Ace of Spades · 02-28-2006, 12:13 PM

HAHAHA...good one!

Relish XXX · 02-28-2006, 12:13 PM

I am nearly in tears laughing.

G-Rotica · 02-28-2006, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurieX

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

Too damn funny!

Tom_PM · 02-28-2006, 12:16 PM

hehe, thats a good one. I totally see where he's coming from, lmao :D

adultvisitors · 02-28-2006, 12:19 PM

serious fun

kostas · 02-28-2006, 12:21 PM

Perfect.

RuthB · 02-28-2006, 12:30 PM

that's classic!

SilverTab · 02-28-2006, 12:34 PM

haha im pretty sure I already read something similar!...

Nice once anyhow!

LittleSassy · 02-28-2006, 12:56 PM

damn....that was an excellent letter...

TroubleTonya · 02-28-2006, 03:24 PM

HAHAHAH That was awesome Laurie! thanks for sharing

Manowar · 02-28-2006, 03:28 PM

muahahahahah

Mr.Right - Banned For Life · 02-28-2006, 03:29 PM

hahahaha

02-28-2006, 03:32 PM

Timeline...............

topbuxbrad · 02-28-2006, 03:33 PM

- Too Damn Funny

Persignup Dustin · 02-28-2006, 03:38 PM

Syl · 02-28-2006, 03:44 PM

LMAO. Nice one LX!

lagwagon · 02-28-2006, 03:52 PM

haha lmao that is hilarious

GlydeGirl · 02-28-2006, 03:54 PM

I've seen that one before, but it is still really funny.

2HousePlague · 02-28-2006, 03:56 PM

I like the part about the "tortoise shell ass" -- priceless --

Mr. Romance · 02-28-2006, 03:57 PM

Love on the rocks...aint no big suprise....

Mr. Romance

DamageX · 02-28-2006, 04:13 PM

Funniest thing today.

Michaelious · 02-28-2006, 04:16 PM

Thats amazing!! i love that

PixeLs · 02-28-2006, 07:23 PM

Fantastic literary piece..

Shannon G · 02-28-2006, 07:24 PM

hahahaha... that is soooo totally the pick-me-up I needed today!!

Thanks sista!

reynold · 02-28-2006, 07:42 PM

the thing with the mirror is just so fucking funny

02-28-2006, 12:05 PM	#1
LaurieX Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Orlando, FL Posts: 1,541	Best Break Up Letter Ever! It's a bit long but funny as hell! "Dear Susan : I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some ****ling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She?s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the remote control is. John" __________________ [email protected] ICQ# 81820905 Aim LaurieX THE BANNER YOU ARE TRYING TO RUN IS CAUSING ERRORS FOR EVERYONE ON GFY. PLEASE CORRECT IT!!!

02-28-2006, 12:07 PM	#2
Downtime Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2004 Location: America. Posts: 7,320	lol that is pretty funny, nice find! __________________ #27024067

02-28-2006, 12:13 PM	#5
Ace of Spades Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Closer than you think! Posts: 472	HAHAHA...good one! __________________ Do people really click sigs?

02-28-2006, 12:13 PM	#6
Relish XXX Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: www.adultlabel.com Posts: 4,904	I am nearly in tears laughing. __________________

02-28-2006, 12:16 PM	#8
Tom_PM Porn Meister Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 16,443	hehe, thats a good one. I totally see where he's coming from, lmao :D __________________ 43-922-863 Shut up and play your guitar.

02-28-2006, 12:19 PM	#9
adultvisitors Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 1,417	serious fun __________________ Buy traffic! Best Secure Online Casino Bonus Guide! Click Here!

02-28-2006, 12:21 PM	#10
kostas Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Southern Europe Posts: 616	Perfect.

02-28-2006, 12:30 PM	#11
RuthB Let's Get Paxumized! Industry Role: Join Date: May 2005 Location: Vancouver, Canada Posts: 7,247	that's classic! __________________ Send & Receive Mass Global Payments - Mass P2P/Wire/EFT/SEPA - Adult Industry Friendly - Award Winning Payment Service - Fast, Reliable & Secure! Paxum ...... Paxum Bank Email: [email protected] ~ Telegram: PaxumRuth

02-28-2006, 12:34 PM	#12
SilverTab Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: MTL Posts: 5,060	haha im pretty sure I already read something similar!... Nice once anyhow! __________________ mmm my sig was too big... no more cool animation but hey still! need php? ICQ: 94586959

02-28-2006, 12:56 PM	#13
LittleSassy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: behind you Posts: 7,402	damn....that was an excellent letter... __________________ Proadultoutsourcing.com ~ version 2.0 OFFSHORE SOLUTIONS PROVIDER SINCE 2003 ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE 264-580-554

02-28-2006, 03:24 PM	#14
TroubleTonya Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: FunBrunettes Secret Lover Posts: 1,168	HAHAHAH That was awesome Laurie! thanks for sharing __________________ Tonya Thomas ICQ #332461141 See Who I Am At AdultWhosWho.com!

02-28-2006, 03:28 PM	#15
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	muahahahahah

02-28-2006, 03:29 PM	#16
Mr.Right - Banned For Life I guarantee it Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 18,314	hahahaha

02-28-2006, 03:32 PM	#17
AntiDrama Guest Posts: n/a	Timeline...............

02-28-2006, 03:33 PM	#18
topbuxbrad Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Location: tucson Posts: 101	- Too Damn Funny

02-28-2006, 03:38 PM	#19
Persignup Dustin Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Just west of Chicago Posts: 871	__________________ AWARD WINNING PATENTED MALE ENHANCEMENT PUBOCOCCYGEUS PC MUSCLE STRENGTH TRAINER SYSTEM 100% ALL NATURAL YOUR SATISFACTION IS ASSURED.

02-28-2006, 03:44 PM	#20
Syl Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: AZ Posts: 1,953	LMAO. Nice one LX! __________________ Syl ICQ 304 908 973 [email protected]

02-28-2006, 03:52 PM	#21
lagwagon Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: az Posts: 8,464	haha lmao that is hilarious __________________ FTVGirls - FTVMilfs - DanielleFTV

02-28-2006, 03:54 PM	#22
GlydeGirl Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,516	I've seen that one before, but it is still really funny.

02-28-2006, 03:56 PM	#23
2HousePlague CURATOR Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: the attic Posts: 14,572	I like the part about the "tortoise shell ass" -- priceless -- __________________ tada!

02-28-2006, 03:57 PM	#24
Mr. Romance The Face of Romance and the Symbol of Freedom Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The America's Posts: 7,821	Love on the rocks...aint no big suprise.... Mr. Romance __________________ Free Leads Program now paying up to $6 Gerard-Director of Global Sales Sign up Here: CamStarCash Check out: FreeCamStars ICQ: 330 662 299 gerard at freecamstars . com

02-28-2006, 04:13 PM	#25
DamageX Marketing & Strategy Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Former nomad Posts: 14,293	Funniest thing today. __________________ Whitehat is for chumps If you don't do it, somebody else will - true story!

02-28-2006, 04:16 PM	#26
Michaelious Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Scotland Posts: 6,720	Thats amazing!! i love that __________________

02-28-2006, 07:23 PM	#27
PixeLs Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 11,922	Fantastic literary piece.. __________________ Make money on any traffic. Bi-weekly payments with no hold.

02-28-2006, 07:24 PM	#28
Shannon G Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: My own little world Posts: 735	hahahaha... that is soooo totally the pick-me-up I needed today!! Thanks sista! __________________ SendingPros.com - Affordable Email Marketing Platform. Automation at Your Fingertips!

02-28-2006, 07:42 PM	#29
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	the thing with the mirror is just so fucking funny