It Burns when I pee!! - GoFuckYourself.com

NoWhErE · 02-08-2006, 10:50 AM

Rofl read this story....

___________________________________
Our lead singer, Dan, was a Drew Carey doppelganger who therefore considered himself quite the ladies' man. Since most shows we played usually featured an audience smaller than the band itself, the prospect of any of us getting together with a groupie was rather small.

But not this fateful night.

Through a random act of the music gods, we found ourselves at the 930 club, opening for Save Ferris and Goldfinger. It was a great show, and we rocked as hard as a band with five brass instruments can rock.

After the show we were standing by the bar, tossing back a few choice beverages. I love me some Tab.

Dan was trying to look tough, carefully sipping his amaretto sour and coughing on a marlboro ultra-light, when a delicate, manicured hand appeared over his shoulder and stroked his ear seductively.

He turned, revealing the hand, attached to a long shapely arm, which was in turn attached to a long shapely young woman who appeareed to possess that most sought-after attribute of ska groupies. Legal age.

"Hi, I'm Veronica!" she said, her hispanic accent turning the V into a B. "You guys played a great set!"

<yadda yadda yadda>

The next morning, most of us are laid out in Dan's living room, still slumbering from the night before. Dan's upstairs in his bedroom with Beronica from the night before.

At about eight in the morning, Dan stumbled down the stairs as I came out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee. His forehead was beaded with sweat and his face was the color of mashed turnips.

He seized me by the arms and I barely managed to avoid spilling coffee everywhere.

"Jack, you gotta help me man!" he said through gritted teeth.

"What's up, Dan-o?"

"Dude, my frickin pee-hole is on fire!"

I backed away slowly, not making eye contact.

"Jack, seriously, man! You gotta get me to the hospital or something. I tried to piss this morning and I can't, and my frickin dick is like a holocaust!"

Dan is the only jewish guy I know who refers to everything bad in the world as a holocaust. But I can see he's in pain, so I woke up Big Eric and we drove him to the ER in Eric's Saturn station wagon. What? That's how you roll when you skank, bitch.

We spent long hours with nothing for entertainment but bleeding crackheads and unwed mothers giving birth on the floow of the waiting room.

Finally Dan emerged, pale and shaken. We got in the car without a word and headed home. It was months before we got the story out of him.

Turns out our feisty latina Beronica liked to make the love in a very uncomfortable place which does not happen to be the walk-in coat closet in your Gramma Mabel's nursing home. No, she liked it in the bad place. It was a VERY bad place for our Daniel.

When the doctors finally swabbed Dan out (collective wince from the men-folk), they removed the source of Dan's travails.

A jalapeno seed.

Two months later I quit the ska band and joined the Army. I think life turned out a little safer for me that way.

________________________________________________

source: http://www.ubersite.com/m/58903

EdgeXXX · 02-08-2006, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

"Jack, you gotta help me man!" he said through gritted teeth.

"What's up, Dan-o?"

"Dude, my frickin pee-hole is on fire!"

I backed away slowly, not making eye contact.

G-Rotica · 02-08-2006, 11:11 AM

Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch

NoWhErE · 02-08-2006, 12:33 PM

Seriously, it must have hurt like a bitch!

fetishblog · 02-08-2006, 12:36 PM

Holy shit. That's insane!

GlydeGirl · 02-08-2006, 12:40 PM

That's freakin' funny! But if he wore a condom, that would not have happened! All those stupid people who fuck without protection totally deserve getting STD's... And of course a latina eats jalapenos -- what the fuck do you expect?

ROFL

Snake Doctor · 02-08-2006, 12:44 PM

OMG that is seriously fucked up

Snake Doctor · 02-08-2006, 12:44 PM

Oh.,...and congrats to the winners

Jennyfer · 02-08-2006, 04:00 PM

Hahaha that's insane

AdultInsider Cloner · 02-08-2006, 04:03 PM

Omg Lol

reginaldo · 02-08-2006, 04:22 PM

reminds me of the tourtchure where they insert a small test tube into the pee hole then break it

NoWhErE · 02-08-2006, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reginaldo

reminds me of the tourtchure where they insert a small test tube into the pee hole then break it

ouch, where the hell do they do that?

WME · 02-08-2006, 05:32 PM

I guess lessons would have to learned the burning-sensation way

nico-t · 02-08-2006, 06:36 PM

damn hahaha

Lee · 02-08-2006, 06:39 PM

I bet it was a tranny as well... Latina, weird voice, likes it up the rusty bullethole. Id say theres a fair chance but the guy wouldnt admit it to his buddies.

sniperwolf · 02-08-2006, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaskTVMaura

That's freakin' funny! But if he wore a condom, that would not have happened! All those stupid people who fuck without protection totally deserve getting STD's... And of course a latina eats jalapenos -- what the fuck do you expect?

ROFL

lmao.. I totally agree with you there!

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 12:08 AM

i have a headache now

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

i have a headache now

Ahh poor puppy! Want daddy to take care of you?

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

Ahh poor puppy! Want daddy to take care of you?

i need a backrub....

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

i need a backrub....

I've got a bit of oil left.

Did you want a happy ending?

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

I've got a bit of oil left.

Did you want a happy ending?

only if BoyAlley can watch

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

only if BoyAlley can watch

I wouldn't mind it if he filmed the whole thing.

I'm sure 2 studs like us could rake in some good money

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

I wouldn't mind it if he filmed the whole thing.

I'm sure 2 studs like us could rake in some good money

I'll get the cowboy hat.

If i color my hair pink will you call me daddy?

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

I'll get the cowboy hat.

If i color my hair pink will you call me daddy?

Daddy... Halcyon... whats the diff? It will still sell!

I can wear the tutu

Ramos · 02-09-2006, 12:20 AM

THAT WAS HILARIOUS, off to bed

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ramos

THAT WAS HILARIOUS, off to bed

Make sure to say nighty night to Juicy for me.

And be sure to dream of Tit Way

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

Daddy... Halcyon... whats the diff? It will still sell!

I can wear the tutu

only if you use put those baloons under your shirt while we snuggle at night

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

only if you use put those baloons under your shirt while we snuggle at night

I wear long shirts, do you want the ballons near my chest, or down below?

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

I wear long shirts, do you want the ballons near my chest, or down below?

one on your chest and one in your pants....you can be the cancer patient with big nads

ItBurnsWhenIpee · 02-09-2006, 12:38 AM

I really thought this message would have something to do with me. Thought someone was calling me out or something, but clearly I am still a nobody. Goodnight.

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItBurnsWhenIpee

I really thought this message would have something to do with me. Thought someone was calling me out or something, but clearly I am still a nobody. Goodnight.

someone feels left out!!

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

one on your chest and one in your pants....you can be the cancer patient with big nads

Oh I love that game!

After, can we play the leprer game? YOu know, when you pretend things are falling off and I have to stick them back on with my tongue?

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

Oh I love that game!

After, can we play the leprer game? YOu know, when you pretend things are falling off and I have to stick them back on with my tongue?

mmmm, then we can sit in the hot tub and call each other "Stew"

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

mmmm, then we can sit in the hot tub and call each other "Stew"

Mmmm, stick a fork in my because I am DONE!

3M TA3 !!!

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 12:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

Mmmm, stick a fork in my because I am DONE!

3M TA3 !!!

i want to take a big bite out of your meaty man hood and lick your broth dry.

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 01:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

i want to take a big bite out of your meaty man hood and lick your broth dry.

Don't forget to use Light Dressing Sauce.... you've been getting a wee wittle belly lately!

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

Don't forget to use Light Dressing Sauce.... you've been getting a wee wittle belly lately!

we need to talk....that's not fat, you're going to be a daddy soon.

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

we need to talk....that's not fat, you're going to be a daddy soon.

If its black, send it back!

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

If its black, send it back!

how dare you imply i cheated on you!!! after all we have been through!!!

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

how dare you imply i cheated on you!!! after all we have been through!!!

I thought we had discussed our open relationship already?.... you get Boy Alley and I get Raven Riley... we shook hands on it

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 01:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

I thought we had discussed our open relationship already?.... you get Boy Alley and I get Raven Riley... we shook hands on it

I know, i just didn't think it would hurt this much...i don't like the thought of you with anyone else.

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

I know, i just didn't think it would hurt this much...i don't like the thought of you with anyone else.

Odd, I kinda find the though of watching you with someone else kinda Kinky

3M TA3 · 02-09-2006, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWhErE

Odd, I kinda find the though of watching you with someone else kinda Kinky

you would...you don't love me anymore....and now I'm going to have your baby and I'm going to be all alone!!

SilverTab · 02-09-2006, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reginaldo

reminds me of the tourtchure where they insert a small test tube into the pee hole then break it

that's the most fucked up way of spelling Torture I have every seen... its like twice as long as it should be LOL

NoWhErE · 02-09-2006, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

you would...you don't love me anymore....and now I'm going to have your baby and I'm going to be all alone!!

Deal with it baby!

02-08-2006, 10:50 AM	#1
NoWhErE Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 10,493	It Burns when I pee!! Rofl read this story.... ___________________________________ Our lead singer, Dan, was a Drew Carey doppelganger who therefore considered himself quite the ladies' man. Since most shows we played usually featured an audience smaller than the band itself, the prospect of any of us getting together with a groupie was rather small. But not this fateful night. Through a random act of the music gods, we found ourselves at the 930 club, opening for Save Ferris and Goldfinger. It was a great show, and we rocked as hard as a band with five brass instruments can rock. After the show we were standing by the bar, tossing back a few choice beverages. I love me some Tab. Dan was trying to look tough, carefully sipping his amaretto sour and coughing on a marlboro ultra-light, when a delicate, manicured hand appeared over his shoulder and stroked his ear seductively. He turned, revealing the hand, attached to a long shapely arm, which was in turn attached to a long shapely young woman who appeareed to possess that most sought-after attribute of ska groupies. Legal age. "Hi, I'm Veronica!" she said, her hispanic accent turning the V into a B. "You guys played a great set!" <yadda yadda yadda> The next morning, most of us are laid out in Dan's living room, still slumbering from the night before. Dan's upstairs in his bedroom with Beronica from the night before. At about eight in the morning, Dan stumbled down the stairs as I came out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee. His forehead was beaded with sweat and his face was the color of mashed turnips. He seized me by the arms and I barely managed to avoid spilling coffee everywhere. "Jack, you gotta help me man!" he said through gritted teeth. "What's up, Dan-o?" "Dude, my frickin pee-hole is on fire!" I backed away slowly, not making eye contact. "Jack, seriously, man! You gotta get me to the hospital or something. I tried to piss this morning and I can't, and my frickin dick is like a holocaust!" Dan is the only jewish guy I know who refers to everything bad in the world as a holocaust. But I can see he's in pain, so I woke up Big Eric and we drove him to the ER in Eric's Saturn station wagon. What? That's how you roll when you skank, bitch. We spent long hours with nothing for entertainment but bleeding crackheads and unwed mothers giving birth on the floow of the waiting room. Finally Dan emerged, pale and shaken. We got in the car without a word and headed home. It was months before we got the story out of him. Turns out our feisty latina Beronica liked to make the love in a very uncomfortable place which does not happen to be the walk-in coat closet in your Gramma Mabel's nursing home. No, she liked it in the bad place. It was a VERY bad place for our Daniel. When the doctors finally swabbed Dan out (collective wince from the men-folk), they removed the source of Dan's travails. A jalapeno seed. Two months later I quit the ska band and joined the Army. I think life turned out a little safer for me that way. ________________________________________________ source: http://www.ubersite.com/m/58903 __________________ skype: lordofthecameltoe

02-08-2006, 11:11 AM	#3
G-Rotica Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 4,258	Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch __________________

02-08-2006, 12:33 PM	#4
NoWhErE Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 10,493	Seriously, it must have hurt like a bitch! __________________ skype: lordofthecameltoe

02-08-2006, 12:36 PM	#5
fetishblog Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Your mom is my favorite pornstar!#% Posts: 5,995	Holy shit. That's insane! __________________ Fling.com doesn't steal your traffic and sales unlike some other dating companies. I promote them, and so should you!

02-08-2006, 04:00 PM	#9
Jennyfer Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Costa Rica Posts: 1,708	Hahaha that's insane __________________ PICK YOUR PPS! ICQ: 306-858-613 SIGN UP NOW!

02-08-2006, 12:40 PM	#6
GlydeGirl Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,516	That's freakin' funny! But if he wore a condom, that would not have happened! All those stupid people who fuck without protection totally deserve getting STD's... And of course a latina eats jalapenos -- what the fuck do you expect? ROFL

02-08-2006, 12:44 PM	#7
Snake Doctor I'm Lenny2 Bitch Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: On top of my soapbox Posts: 13,449	OMG that is seriously fucked up

02-08-2006, 04:03 PM	#10
AdultInsider Cloner Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Costa Rica Posts: 1,472	Omg Lol __________________ Fighting the hypertrophy of social cognition. Never make small plans for they lack the magic to stir mens souls. FreeNetPass v2 - IS HERE! 9 Years and still going STRONG!

02-08-2006, 04:22 PM	#11
reginaldo Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 610	reminds me of the tourtchure where they insert a small test tube into the pee hole then break it

02-08-2006, 05:32 PM	#13
WME Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,005	I guess lessons would have to learned the burning-sensation way __________________ Buy Piercing Online - A very large variety of piercing, in various styles Prepare yourself for drug test!

02-08-2006, 06:36 PM	#14
nico-t emperor of my world Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: nethalands Posts: 29,903	damn hahaha

02-08-2006, 06:39 PM	#15
Lee Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Kernow Posts: 2,977	I bet it was a tranny as well... Latina, weird voice, likes it up the rusty bullethole. Id say theres a fair chance but the guy wouldnt admit it to his buddies.

02-09-2006, 12:08 AM	#17
3M TA3 Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 2,972	i have a headache now __________________ Dedicated and colo hosting: ICQ 291313057 "A problem cannot be solved from the same consciousness that created it. We must learn to see the world anew." - Albert Einstein

02-09-2006, 12:20 AM	#25
Ramos Custom User Title Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 11,927	THAT WAS HILARIOUS, off to bed __________________ blewit.com - Performance & Pleasure Training For Men.

02-09-2006, 12:38 AM	#30
ItBurnsWhenIpee Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: The Beach, SoCal Posts: 1,288	Strange I really thought this message would have something to do with me. Thought someone was calling me out or something, but clearly I am still a nobody. Goodnight.