It Burns when I pee!!
 

Rofl read this story....

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Our lead singer, Dan, was a Drew Carey doppelganger who therefore considered himself quite the ladies' man. Since most shows we played usually featured an audience smaller than the band itself, the prospect of any of us getting together with a groupie was rather small.

But not this fateful night.

Through a random act of the music gods, we found ourselves at the 930 club, opening for Save Ferris and Goldfinger. It was a great show, and we rocked as hard as a band with five brass instruments can rock.

After the show we were standing by the bar, tossing back a few choice beverages. I love me some Tab.

Dan was trying to look tough, carefully sipping his amaretto sour and coughing on a marlboro ultra-light, when a delicate, manicured hand appeared over his shoulder and stroked his ear seductively.

He turned, revealing the hand, attached to a long shapely arm, which was in turn attached to a long shapely young woman who appeareed to possess that most sought-after attribute of ska groupies. Legal age.

"Hi, I'm Veronica!" she said, her hispanic accent turning the V into a B. "You guys played a great set!"

<yadda yadda yadda>

The next morning, most of us are laid out in Dan's living room, still slumbering from the night before. Dan's upstairs in his bedroom with Beronica from the night before.

At about eight in the morning, Dan stumbled down the stairs as I came out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee. His forehead was beaded with sweat and his face was the color of mashed turnips.

He seized me by the arms and I barely managed to avoid spilling coffee everywhere.

"Jack, you gotta help me man!" he said through gritted teeth.

"What's up, Dan-o?"

"Dude, my frickin pee-hole is on fire!"

I backed away slowly, not making eye contact.

"Jack, seriously, man! You gotta get me to the hospital or something. I tried to piss this morning and I can't, and my frickin dick is like a holocaust!"

Dan is the only jewish guy I know who refers to everything bad in the world as a holocaust. But I can see he's in pain, so I woke up Big Eric and we drove him to the ER in Eric's Saturn station wagon. What? That's how you roll when you skank, bitch.

We spent long hours with nothing for entertainment but bleeding crackheads and unwed mothers giving birth on the floow of the waiting room.

Finally Dan emerged, pale and shaken. We got in the car without a word and headed home. It was months before we got the story out of him.

Turns out our feisty latina Beronica liked to make the love in a very uncomfortable place which does not happen to be the walk-in coat closet in your Gramma Mabel's nursing home. No, she liked it in the bad place. It was a VERY bad place for our Daniel.

When the doctors finally swabbed Dan out (collective wince from the men-folk), they removed the source of Dan's travails.

A jalapeno seed.

Two months later I quit the ska band and joined the Army. I think life turned out a little safer for me that way.


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source: http://www.ubersite.com/m/58903

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch

Seriously, it must have hurt like a bitch!

Holy shit. That's insane!

That's freakin' funny! But if he wore a condom, that would not have happened! All those stupid people who fuck without protection totally deserve getting STD's... And of course a latina eats jalapenos -- what the fuck do you expect?

ROFL :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

OMG that is seriously fucked up

Oh.,...and congrats to the winners

Hahaha that's insane

Omg Lol

reminds me of the tourtchure where they insert a small test tube into the pee hole then break it

ouch, where the hell do they do that?

I guess lessons would have to learned the burning-sensation way :1orglaugh

damn hahaha

I bet it was a tranny as well... Latina, weird voice, likes it up the rusty bullethole. Id say theres a fair chance but the guy wouldnt admit it to his buddies.

:winkwink: lmao.. I totally agree with you there!

i have a headache now

Ahh poor puppy! Want daddy to take care of you?

i need a backrub....

I've got a bit of oil left.

Did you want a happy ending?

only if BoyAlley can watch

I wouldn't mind it if he filmed the whole thing.

I'm sure 2 studs like us could rake in some good money

I'll get the cowboy hat.

If i color my hair pink will you call me daddy?

Daddy... Halcyon... whats the diff? It will still sell!

I can wear the tutu

THAT WAS HILARIOUS, off to bed

Make sure to say nighty night to Juicy for me.


And be sure to dream of Tit Way :thumbsup

only if you use put those baloons under your shirt while we snuggle at night

I wear long shirts, do you want the ballons near my chest, or down below? :)

one on your chest and one in your pants....you can be the cancer patient with big nads

Strange
 

I really thought this message would have something to do with me. Thought someone was calling me out or something, but clearly I am still a nobody. Goodnight.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

someone feels left out!!

Oh I love that game!


After, can we play the leprer game? YOu know, when you pretend things are falling off and I have to stick them back on with my tongue? :winkwink:

mmmm, then we can sit in the hot tub and call each other "Stew"

Mmmm, stick a fork in my because I am DONE!

3M TA3 !!!

i want to take a big bite out of your meaty man hood and lick your broth dry.

Don't forget to use Light Dressing Sauce.... you've been getting a wee wittle belly lately! :Oh crap

we need to talk....that's not fat, you're going to be a daddy soon.

If its black, send it back!

how dare you imply i cheated on you!!! after all we have been through!!!

I thought we had discussed our open relationship already?.... you get Boy Alley and I get Raven Riley... we shook hands on it

I know, i just didn't think it would hurt this much...i don't like the thought of you with anyone else.

Odd, I kinda find the though of watching you with someone else kinda Kinky :error

you would...you don't love me anymore....and now I'm going to have your baby and I'm going to be all alone!!

that's the most fucked up way of spelling Torture I have every seen... its like twice as long as it should be LOL

Deal with it baby!