5 blades for a clean shave - GoFuckYourself.com

pussyserver - BANNED FOR LIFE · 02-07-2006, 03:04 PM

By James M. Kilts
CEO and President,
The Gillette Company
February 18, 2004 | Issue 40?07
James M. Kilts

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened?the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades.

Sure, we could go to four blades next, like the competition. That seems like the logical thing to do. After all, three worked out pretty well, and four is the next number after three. So let's play it safe. Let's make a thicker aloe strip and call it the Mach3SuperTurbo. Why innovate when we can follow? Oh, I know why: Because we're a business, that's why!

You think it's crazy? It is crazy. But I don't give a shit. From now on, we're the ones who have the edge in the multi-blade game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Gillette is the best a man can get.

What part of this don't you understand? If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende? We didn't claw our way to the top of the razor game by clinging to the two-blade industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, five blades is the biggest chance of all.

Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it. They don't tell me what to invent?I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more blades in there. I don't care how. Make the blades so thin they're invisible. Put some on the handle. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

You're taking the "safety" part of "safety razor" too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let's hit it. Let's roll. This is our chance to make razor history. Let's dream big. All you have to do is say that five blades can happen, and it will happen. If you aren't on board, then fuck you. And if you're on the board, then fuck you and your father. Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of "this is how we shave now" A.

People said we couldn't go to three. It'll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "Five's crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at Norelco, working on fucking electrics. Rotary blades, my white ass!

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we should just ride in Bic's wake and make pens. Ha! Not on your fucking life! The day I shadow a penny-ante outfit like Bic is the day I leave the razor game for good, and that won't happen until the day I die!

The market? Listen, we make the market. All we have to do is put her out there with a little jingle. It's as easy as, "Hey, shaving with anything less than five blades is like scraping your beard off with a dull hatchet." Or "You'll be so smooth, I could snort lines off of your chin." Try "Your neck is going to be so friggin' soft, someone's gonna walk up and tie a goddamn Cub Scout kerchief under it."

I know what you're thinking now: What'll people say? Mew mew mew. Oh, no, what will people say?! Grow the fuck up. When you're on top, people talk. That's the price you pay for being on top. Which Gillette is, always has been, and forever shall be, Amen, five blades, sweet Jesus in heaven.

Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama's about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Put another aloe strip on that fucker, too. That's right. Five blades, two strips, and make the second one lather. You heard me?the second strip lathers. It's a whole new way to think about shaving. Don't question it. Don't say a word. Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we're on the edge?the razor's edge?and I feel like dancing.

shuki · 02-07-2006, 03:06 PM

Gillette better watch out as I am developing a new razor that has 25 blades

G-Rotica · 02-07-2006, 03:08 PM

SteveLightspeed · 02-07-2006, 03:13 PM

I told my 9 year old son -- by the time he's ready to shave, there will be a razor with 40 blades!

I still use 2. And I only shave when I have to leave the house. I look like Grizzly Adams right now, no shave since last Wednesday.

Steve Lightspeed

shuki · 02-07-2006, 03:16 PM

I know it is getting crazy. I still like the sensor over the mach 3. I think I am going to have to try that new 5 blade fusion just for kicks but......

GlydeGirl · 02-07-2006, 03:21 PM

Another stupid so-called innovation designed to make the rich billionaires richer and con us out of our hard-earned cash!

MikeB · 02-07-2006, 03:43 PM

There was a great SNL commercial making fun of the ever-increasing multi-blade shaving craze.

Mike B

abadfish · 02-07-2006, 03:48 PM

I love the regular three blade Mach3, I bought a Schick Quattro and it was horrible... My hair would get stuck between all of the blades cause they must have been closer together or something. It was impossible to clean and it didn't work any better then the Mach3, probably worse because the blades were clogged. They can come out with 6-7 blades but I will be sticking with three forever. Unless they come out with actual new technology and not just more of the same shit multiplied.

The Duck · 02-07-2006, 03:48 PM

Siggy spot

JamesK2 · 02-07-2006, 03:54 PM

mackey · 02-07-2006, 03:59 PM

I tried the Schick Quattro and it had no flex and i ended up getting cut easier than the Mach3

Doctor Dre · 02-07-2006, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

I told my 9 year old son -- by the time he's ready to shave, there will be a razor with 40 blades!

I still use 2. And I only shave when I have to leave the house. I look like Grizzly Adams right now, no shave since last Wednesday.

Steve Lightspeed

Christ ... I couldn't shave with two. Thing is ... I'm pretty sure that as they improve, the older ones get lower quality treatement... The 3 blades razor used to be fine... now the turbo came, and the other one sucks compared to the turbo's blade.

mackey · 02-07-2006, 04:06 PM

Next from Gillette

Super Strong, Amazingly Sharp, 6 Titanium Blades that will never go dull! and one extra moisture strip that falls off after the first shave.

Expo_Vids · 02-07-2006, 04:29 PM

No way am I shaving my balls with a 5 blade razor. I will keep using the 2 blade system thank you very much.

Scott McD · 02-07-2006, 04:37 PM

I hate shaving. Pisses me off...

GlydeGirl · 02-07-2006, 04:46 PM

Maybe with all the new blades in razors these days, depressed teenagers will finally be more successful when they slit their wrists?!?

sniperwolf · 02-07-2006, 05:18 PM

5 blade razor.. whoa... how's the width?...

WME · 02-07-2006, 05:59 PM

you might end up shaving your face with five blades.

reynold · 02-07-2006, 11:09 PM

Can't imagine how far technology can improve these blades. Next thing we know, a razor with 1 gig flash drive.

je_rome · 02-08-2006, 03:06 AM

That was too long but striking just the same. hope the blades will never go blunt

Lord Nelson · 02-08-2006, 03:15 AM

this article is two years old. where r the hell 5 bladed razors?

02-07-2006, 03:04 PM	#1
pussyserver - BANNED FOR LIFE So Fucking Banned Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: I convert perverts like catholic church! Posts: 5,133	5 blades for a clean shave By James M. Kilts CEO and President, The Gillette Company February 18, 2004 \| Issue 40?07 James M. Kilts Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened?the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades. Sure, we could go to four blades next, like the competition. That seems like the logical thing to do. After all, three worked out pretty well, and four is the next number after three. So let's play it safe. Let's make a thicker aloe strip and call it the Mach3SuperTurbo. Why innovate when we can follow? Oh, I know why: Because we're a business, that's why! You think it's crazy? It is crazy. But I don't give a shit. From now on, we're the ones who have the edge in the multi-blade game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Gillette is the best a man can get. What part of this don't you understand? If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende? We didn't claw our way to the top of the razor game by clinging to the two-blade industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, five blades is the biggest chance of all. Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it. They don't tell me what to invent?I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more blades in there. I don't care how. Make the blades so thin they're invisible. Put some on the handle. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it! You're taking the "safety" part of "safety razor" too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let's hit it. Let's roll. This is our chance to make razor history. Let's dream big. All you have to do is say that five blades can happen, and it will happen. If you aren't on board, then fuck you. And if you're on the board, then fuck you and your father. Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of "this is how we shave now" A. People said we couldn't go to three. It'll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "Five's crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at Norelco, working on fucking electrics. Rotary blades, my white ass! Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we should just ride in Bic's wake and make pens. Ha! Not on your fucking life! The day I shadow a penny-ante outfit like Bic is the day I leave the razor game for good, and that won't happen until the day I die! The market? Listen, we make the market. All we have to do is put her out there with a little jingle. It's as easy as, "Hey, shaving with anything less than five blades is like scraping your beard off with a dull hatchet." Or "You'll be so smooth, I could snort lines off of your chin." Try "Your neck is going to be so friggin' soft, someone's gonna walk up and tie a goddamn Cub Scout kerchief under it." I know what you're thinking now: What'll people say? Mew mew mew. Oh, no, what will people say?! Grow the fuck up. When you're on top, people talk. That's the price you pay for being on top. Which Gillette is, always has been, and forever shall be, Amen, five blades, sweet Jesus in heaven. Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama's about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Put another aloe strip on that fucker, too. That's right. Five blades, two strips, and make the second one lather. You heard me?the second strip lathers. It's a whole new way to think about shaving. Don't question it. Don't say a word. Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we're on the edge?the razor's edge?and I feel like dancing.

02-07-2006, 03:06 PM	#2
shuki Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston Posts: 3,070	Gillette better watch out as I am developing a new razor that has 25 blades __________________ Looking to buy established paysites contact me [email protected]

02-07-2006, 03:08 PM	#3
G-Rotica Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 4,258	__________________

02-07-2006, 03:13 PM	#4
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	I told my 9 year old son -- by the time he's ready to shave, there will be a razor with 40 blades! I still use 2. And I only shave when I have to leave the house. I look like Grizzly Adams right now, no shave since last Wednesday. Steve Lightspeed __________________ Abra-cadabra!

02-07-2006, 03:16 PM	#5
shuki Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston Posts: 3,070	I know it is getting crazy. I still like the sensor over the mach 3. I think I am going to have to try that new 5 blade fusion just for kicks but...... __________________ Looking to buy established paysites contact me [email protected]

02-07-2006, 03:21 PM	#6
GlydeGirl Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,516	Another stupid so-called innovation designed to make the rich billionaires richer and con us out of our hard-earned cash!

02-07-2006, 03:43 PM	#7
MikeB Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,012	There was a great SNL commercial making fun of the ever-increasing multi-blade shaving craze. Mike B

02-07-2006, 03:48 PM	#8
abadfish Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: WA Posts: 1,482	I love the regular three blade Mach3, I bought a Schick Quattro and it was horrible... My hair would get stuck between all of the blades cause they must have been closer together or something. It was impossible to clean and it didn't work any better then the Mach3, probably worse because the blades were clogged. They can come out with 6-7 blades but I will be sticking with three forever. Unless they come out with actual new technology and not just more of the same shit multiplied. __________________ Reanna Mae

02-07-2006, 03:48 PM	#9
The Duck Adult Content Provider Industry Role: Join Date: May 2005 Location: Europe Posts: 18,243	Siggy spot __________________ Skype Horusmaia ICQ 41555245 Email [email protected]

02-07-2006, 03:54 PM	#10
JamesK2 Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 6,589	__________________

02-07-2006, 03:59 PM	#11
mackey Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 622	I tried the Schick Quattro and it had no flex and i ended up getting cut easier than the Mach3

02-07-2006, 04:06 PM	#13
mackey Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 622	Next from Gillette Super Strong, Amazingly Sharp, 6 Titanium Blades that will never go dull! and one extra moisture strip that falls off after the first shave.

02-07-2006, 04:29 PM	#14
Expo_Vids Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 1,162	No way am I shaving my balls with a 5 blade razor. I will keep using the 2 blade system thank you very much. __________________ Squirting pussies convert like mad!!! @ Suirting 101

02-07-2006, 04:37 PM	#15
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	I hate shaving. Pisses me off... __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

02-07-2006, 04:46 PM	#16
GlydeGirl Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,516	Maybe with all the new blades in razors these days, depressed teenagers will finally be more successful when they slit their wrists?!?

02-07-2006, 05:18 PM	#17
sniperwolf Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 17,743	5 blade razor.. whoa... how's the width?... __________________ ~Accepting design works~

02-07-2006, 05:59 PM	#18
WME Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,005	you might end up shaving your face with five blades. __________________ Buy Piercing Online - A very large variety of piercing, in various styles Prepare yourself for drug test!

02-07-2006, 11:09 PM	#19
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	Can't imagine how far technology can improve these blades. Next thing we know, a razor with 1 gig flash drive.

02-08-2006, 03:06 AM	#20
je_rome Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,846	That was too long but striking just the same. hope the blades will never go blunt __________________ Make money on any traffic. Join KlikRevenue.com Today!

02-08-2006, 03:15 AM	#21
Lord Nelson So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 715	this article is two years old. where r the hell 5 bladed razors?