15 biblical ways to aquire a wife... - GoFuckYourself.com

CDSmith · 12-21-2005, 03:15 PM

Here are 15 bonified biblically approved ways of aquiring a wife.

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. -Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. -Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. -Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: This will cost you. -Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.
Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of hard labor for a wife. -Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. -David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." -Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). -David (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) -Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

15. A wife? ... NOT! -Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

I'm thinking of trying #8 in 2006 meself.

Phoenix · 12-21-2005, 03:19 PM

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

Pornwolf · 12-21-2005, 03:36 PM

I'll take #10 for the win Alex.

EroticySteve · 12-21-2005, 03:39 PM

Buy a piece of property and get a piece.

topbuxbrad · 12-21-2005, 03:43 PM

15 biblical ways to aquire a wife...?.....I'd be more interested in 15 ways to get rid of one!!!!

rickholio · 12-21-2005, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CDSmith

I'm thinking of trying #8 in 2006 meself.

Gonna hang around the hospitals until you collect a couple hundred baby phillistine foreskins?

Well, everyone needs a hobby I guess.

Doctor Dre · 12-21-2005, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topbuxbrad

15 biblical ways to aquire a wife...?.....I'd be more interested in 15 ways to get rid of one!!!!

Marriage is a great institution... problem is : Who wants to live in an institution ?

Aly · 12-21-2005, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topbuxbrad

15 biblical ways to aquire a wife...?.....I'd be more interested in 15 ways to get rid of one!!!!

I guarantee the creatively gruesome answers are in there!

Michael O · 12-21-2005, 04:39 PM

Ahhhhhh the old days when life were a lot simpler

EZRhino · 12-21-2005, 04:39 PM

Number 13 will get you on Springer

tristan_D · 12-21-2005, 04:48 PM

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

---my personal favorite. love comes to those who believe

CDSmith · 12-21-2005, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rickholio

Gonna hang around the hospitals until you collect a couple hundred baby phillistine foreskins?

Well, everyone needs a hobby I guess.

I just bought myself a new machete.

It's hobby time....

PixeLs · 12-21-2005, 05:43 PM

Tell us if this is all you got or we still need to scan the bible for more tips?

12-21-2005, 03:19 PM	#2
Phoenix BACON BACON BACON Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Poems everybody, the laddie fancies himself a poet Posts: 35,462	14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3) __________________ Skype Phoenixskype1 Telegram PhoenixBrad https://quantads.io

12-21-2005, 03:36 PM	#3
Pornwolf Drunk and Unruly Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Hollywood Posts: 22,712	I'll take #10 for the win Alex. __________________ I've trusted my sites to them for over a decade... Webair, bitches.

12-21-2005, 03:39 PM	#4
EroticySteve Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The Sunshine State Posts: 4,365	Buy a piece of property and get a piece. __________________ You deserve to make more money. I'll help you do that. Our affiliates earn up to $3/email or $107/sale email steve <at> eroticy.com - icq 290153464

12-21-2005, 04:39 PM	#9
Michael O More Cowbell Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Nakhom Nowhere Posts: 10,607	Ahhhhhh the old days when life were a lot simpler __________________ Truth Teller

12-21-2005, 04:48 PM	#11
tristan_D Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 7,865	9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17) ---my personal favorite. love comes to those who believe __________________ Increase your sales. Up to $4 per click.

12-21-2005, 03:15 PM	#1
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	15 biblical ways to aquire a wife... Here are 15 bonified biblically approved ways of aquiring a wife. 1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 2. Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3) 3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. -Moses (Exodus 2:16-21) 4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. -Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10) 5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. -Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25) 6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: This will cost you. -Adam (Genesis 2:19-24) 7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of hard labor for a wife. -Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30) 8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. -David (I Samuel 18:27) 9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17) 10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4) 11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." -Samson (Judges 14:1-3) 12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). -David (2 Samuel 11) 13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) -Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth) 14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3) 15. A wife? ... NOT! -Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) I'm thinking of trying #8 in 2006 meself. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

12-21-2005, 03:43 PM	#5
topbuxbrad Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Location: tucson Posts: 101	15 biblical ways to aquire a wife...?.....I'd be more interested in 15 ways to get rid of one!!!!

12-21-2005, 04:39 PM	#10
EZRhino Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: couch Posts: 6,258	Number 13 will get you on Springer

12-21-2005, 05:43 PM	#13
PixeLs Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 11,922	Tell us if this is all you got or we still need to scan the bible for more tips? __________________ Make money on any traffic. Bi-weekly payments with no hold.