15 biblical ways to aquire a wife...
 

Here are 15 bonified biblically approved ways of aquiring a wife.


1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. -Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. -Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. -Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: This will cost you. -Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.
Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of hard labor for a wife. -Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. -David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." -Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). -David (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) -Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

15. A wife? ... NOT! -Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)


I'm thinking of trying #8 in 2006 meself. :pimp

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

I'll take #10 for the win Alex.

Buy a piece of property and get a piece.

15 biblical ways to aquire a wife...?.....I'd be more interested in 15 ways to get rid of one!!!! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Gonna hang around the hospitals until you collect a couple hundred baby phillistine foreskins?

Well, everyone needs a hobby I guess. :winkwink:

Marriage is a great institution... problem is : Who wants to live in an institution ?

:1orglaugh I guarantee the creatively gruesome answers are in there!

Ahhhhhh the old days when life were a lot simpler

Number 13 will get you on Springer

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

---my personal favorite. love comes to those who believe

I just bought myself a new machete.

It's hobby time....:Graucho

Tell us if this is all you got or we still need to scan the bible for more tips? :winkwink: