Make me laugh and win big - Holiday Contest From Webinc!

[Sarah_Jayne]

The holiday season can be a stressful time so it is important to take some time out and have a good laugh. So, give us your best holidday themed joke or pic and the two that make me laugh the most will win some top quality design work from Webinc.

The prizes are:

First Prize: Your choice of 50 banners or 2 Full Page Ads

Second Prize: Your choice of 25 Banners or 1 Full Page Ad.

Check out our new and bigger than ever banner portfolio to see just what great prizes we are giving away.


The contest runs from today until Tuesday (Decemeber 20...also happens to be my birthday). You can enter as many times as you want and the winning designs will be delivered after the new year.

So...get posting and make me laugh

[Viper2K1]

how about a funny holiday themed clip, it's a commercial so don't mind the last 5 secs of the clip

click here to view

[cool1]

cool my kind of contest, jokes

[cool1]

Words You Wish You Could Take Back



WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND:"Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND:"Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND:"Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBANDMakes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND:"Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND:"Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND:"Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND:"That would seem like the proper thing to do"

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND:"No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - Silence - -
HUSBAND:"Shit"

[cool1]

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

[Juicy D. Links]

heheheh LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!

[cool1]

A man is in court for murder and the judge says, ''You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.''

Then a voice at the back of the court says, ''You bastard.''

The judge continues, ''You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer.''

Again the voice at the back of the court says, ''You bastard.''

The judge says, ''Now, we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! What is the problem?''

The man at the back of the court says, ''Fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard and everytime I asked to borrow a hammer he said he never had one!''

[cool1]

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up."
"Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But Why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box!

[viki]

Funny jokes cool1, but the contest calls for a holiday theme.

[asl]

This thread. Best of the year.
http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=551720

[Mrs. Lenny2]

[Halcyon]

these are holiday funnies written by me:



Top Things to do this Holiday Season:


1. Tease kids who have to go to school during their religious holidays.

2. Don gay apparel.

3. Try telling a cop, "actually, the pipe is for my snowman."

4. Ponder eggnog. (they should call it "flegmnogg")

5. Punch anyone who says, "Like a Lightbulb!" while singing Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.

6. Play dreidel drinking games.

7.Run around and play TRON on a street with lots of X-mas lights.

8.Say, "Mmm, mmm, fruitcake!" whevever you pass gas.

9. Walk around the house wearing nothing but tinsel.

10. Adopt all the sick dogs from the Humane Society and give them as gifts.

11. Sculpt Nativity Scenes out of lunchmeats.

12. Make a gingerbreak crackhouse.

13. Think up holiday-themed names for your genitalia like: Yule Log, Santa's Little Helper, Pubic Wreath, or stocking stuffer.

[Halcyon]

[Sarah_Jayne]

Originally Posted by viki

Funny jokes cool1, but the contest calls for a holiday theme.

indeed

[Sarah_Jayne]

I'm giggling away...keep them coming.

[Halcyon]

5 things you didn't know about St Nick:

http://prehensile.com/tales/xmas/santa5.htm


and my family's wacky xmas tradition (aka "probing Santa"):

http://prehensile.com/tales/xmas/santanote.htm

[viki]

What's Christmas without a fart joke?

http://www.slinkycity.com/farting-santa-greeting.htm

[viki]

CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE

You'll need the following:

1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of whisky

Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.

[Roald]

We can use some banners for freeones ;)))

[Sarah_Jayne]

a holiday bump

[Babagirls]

hold up, girl...let me get some of my fav pics, im gonna make you laugh!!! :thumsup

be right back......

[Stallion]

cool contest.. will have to put something together..

[Babagirls]

[Sarah_Jayne]

reminder that is is holiday themed items

[sextoyking]

Camel toe cup, Nice!!!

[adultchica]

[aico]

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Ice Skating

Ice Skating who?


<singing>Ice Skating Hot in here, so take off all your clothes.

[Sarah_Jayne]

Originally Posted by aico

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Ice Skating

Ice Skating who?


<singing>Ice Skating Hot in here, so take off all your clothes.

ouch..lol

[gornyhuy]

Sucking Santa
I know it's probably terrible of me, but I've always had kind of a thing for Santa Claus. His long white beard and the way he laughs always sends waves of excitement directly to my dick. I know he's married to Mrs. Claus. But in my fantasies, he'll let anyone go down on his chimney. After all, Santa is known for being a very giving soul.

It was about 4:00 a.m. Christmas morning. I woke up having to pee so bad I thought I was going to explode. I knew finishing off that six pack right before going to bed was going to come back to haunt me. As I headed down the hall toward the bathroom, I glanced over and saw someone standing in my living room. He had his back to me, but I could still see that the guy was in a Santa costume.

"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my house?" I said, taking a few cautious steps into the room. I know I should have been scared - the guy might have a gun. But I was hoping even if he was here to rob the place, he'd at least let me pee first.


"Go ahead and tend your bladder. I'll wait," the man said as he turned around. Yep. It was Santa alright. He was smiling and holding a slice of steaming pizza in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other.

I sort of scratched my head for a minute, then decided to hit the toilet. When you gotta go... Besides, now I was starting to feel like this was a set-up for a practical joke one of my sick friends would play on me. I figured at some point, Santa would turn on some music and do a strip tease or something. But how did he know I had to pee and where did he get hot pizza at this hour on Christmas morning?

When I got back, Santa was just popping open a bottle of beer and setting it down on the coffee table next to a slice of pizza. "I was hoping you were going to join me," he said gesturing to the table. "I'm afraid I'm several beers and a couple of slices ahead of you."

"Do I know you?" I asked as I took a big bite of the best pizza I ever tasted and washed it down with the best ale I ever drank.

"I thought you did," he replied, tugging on his beard to show that it was real. "I am Santa Claus. It has been a very rough night and I didn't think you'd mind if I took a break here for a while before going home. I just had to have something other than cookies and milk.

"Why do people assume that I would want cookies and milk? Give me pizza and beer any day." And with that, he threw off his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow. Then he unbuttoned his jacket, showing me a glimpse of a big barrel chest and surprisingly muscular stomach all covered by curly white fur. "Damn, this outfit gets hot," he said winking at me.

Was this rented Santa making a pass at me, or was I just horny? Who cared. What kind of a nut would turn down the chance to do Santa? I let my eyes drop to his crotch area. There was a huge amount of tenting action going on in the front of his trousers. Suddenly, it was like I was hypnotized. I watched as my hands reached out and undid the button on his pants, grabbed each side of the waist, and yanked them down around his ankles. The next thing I knew, I had his giant candy cane down my throat and my nose buried in the softest mound of pubic hair you can imagine.

Santa really had a gorgeous piece of uncut meat. I'd guess it was about 10" long and covered with big popping veins. Just sucking on it almost made me blow a load. It was the kind of cock you just never want to stop working over. And his big, hairy, low-hanging balls weren't bad either.

I was totally lost in my cock worship when Santa pulled out of my mouth and stood me up. Then he unrolled a brightly colored Christmas condom onto his dick, turned me around, and bent me over the back of the couch.

"Let me show you what the North Pole is really all about," he leered as the head of his staff probed my asshole. "I had a feeling this would be a hospitable place to stop." And he thrust himself into me all the way to the hilt.

As he slowly began to fuck me, there was an almost electric tingle coursing through my body. The harder he fucked, the more that tingle moved to my crotch. And the sound of his balls slapping the back of my thighs had me so turned on I wanted to scream. "You're a lot sturdier than those elves," he growled in my ear as his thrusting reached a fevered pitch. "You deserve a present for this."

Without warning, my body began to convulse with the world's biggest no-hands orgasm. I was trembling all over as stream after stream of cum shot from my dick. My own screaming was so loud that I didn't even hear Santa when he began to moan and wail. But I felt it when he took one mighty inward thrust, grabbed my hips for support, and began shaking like a wild man.

Eventually, we both slumped down to the floor to catch our breaths and let our knees stop shaking.

"Did you like your present?" Santa asked, out of breath and covered with sweat. "I'm afraid that might have been more of a gift for me," he smiled, pulling off the condom and releasing an impossible amount of cum all over the place.

"It was the perfect gift, Santa," I replied, a stupid grin already beginning to plaster itself across my face. "You can show me the North Pole anytime."

Santa smiled, winked, and produced a single sleigh bell on a leather strap. "Any time you want to see the Pole, just ring this bell. I'll hear you." And in a flurry of snowflakes and "Ho, ho, hos," he vanished into thin air. When the snow settled, all that was left was his hat, the bell, and a case of Christmas condoms.

I think I'm going to be ringing that bell quite a bit...

[fedfest]

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang..... "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

[Babagirls]

Originally Posted by sarah_webinc

reminder that is is holiday themed items

DOH!!
*pulls pics off of server*

[fedfest]

Kind of reminded me of talking with Thai photographers on Icq.. don't know why

[Aly]

Originally Posted by adultchica

Damn... you beat me...

[bringer]

nevermind

[Sarah_Jayne]

Originally Posted by Babagirls

DOH!!
*pulls pics off of server*

I did laugh though!

[BiggleJones]

Manlove at its Finest. - Manlove.org

[bringer]

doh part 2

[bringer]

how about funny videos?

[fedfest]

How do you know Santa has to be a man?
- No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year!

Why does Santa wear red underwear?
- Because he's a man - he did all his laundry in one load.

Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?
- You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!

[bringer]

w/e
http://www.starterupsteve.com/video/cbkwanzaa.html

[Sarah_Jayne]

Originally Posted by bringer

how about funny videos?

bring it on

[mikeyddddd]

Knock. Knock.

[mrthumbs]

As you are aware of i have nothing fun to contribute :-(

[jacked]

[Sarah_Jayne]

Originally Posted by jacked

[je_rome]

13. Think up holiday-themed names for your genitalia like: Yule Log, Santa's Little Helper, Pubic Wreath, or stocking stuffer.

you don't an occassion to do that. hahahaha

[PixeLs]

Originally Posted by BiggleJones

Manlove at its Finest. - Manlove.org

Eeekkk!

[sextoyking]

Originally Posted by fedfest

How do you know Santa has to be a man?
- No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year!

Why does Santa wear red underwear?
- Because he's a man - he did all his laundry in one load.

Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?
- You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!

hahahaha, good ones there

[adultchica]

What do Santa's female reindeer do on Christmas Eve while the male reindeer pull his sleigh?

Oh, not much... They just head into town to blow a few bucks.

[Sarah_Jayne]

bump for morning giggles