Does anyone here know how to cook?

[Amputate Your Head]

I can't cook to save my life.... I live on frozen nuke food and pizzas... I love good food and all as much as the next person, but if it weren't for my girl, I'd probly starve.

Any chefs in da house? And if so, what's your top 3 specialties? (beyond making toast)

[tara]

What do you got for me if I give you my cooking secrets!

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally posted by tara
What do you got for me if I give you my cooking secrets!

a big smile and a firm handshake.

[FATPad]

Originally posted by Amputate Your Head
I can't cook to save my life.... I live on frozen nuke food and pizzas... I love good food and all as much as the next person, but if it weren't for my girl, I'd probly starve.

Any chefs in da house? And if so, what's your top 3 specialties? (beyond making toast)

Get pot.
Add water.
Go through cupboards.
Add whatever you find.
Go through freezer and fridge.
Add whatever you find.
Heat.
Keep heating til you feel like stopping the heating process.

Eat.

[quiet]

i can barely boil water. my ex was a great cook, eating out a lot now that she's gone

[FlyingIguana]

i can cook kraft dinner

[Amputate Your Head]

hehehe... good plan FP..

[goodgirl]

Well I cook I also can.
Top 3:
1. Spagehti Sauce mmmmmmmmmmmm
2. Salsa
3. Tomato Soup

[tara]

Originally posted by Amputate Your Head

a big smile and a firm handshake.

I want more!!

I can make a mean chicken cutlet parm....

[-=HOAX=-]

I cook alot of Japanese, Thai, Chinese, and italian cuisine. What do you wanna cook?

[FATPad]

This thread got me thinking now, too. I want some real food.

Any single chicks live in New England?

Will give oral sex for good food.

[Amputate Your Head]

I even got phat respect for the BBQ grill chefs..... people that can cook perfect steaks and shark and chicken and elk and shit on a grill kick ass! (cuz god knows I sure as hell can't do it)

[Steve]

1.beef stew
2.beef stroganoff(sp)
3.honey mustard chicken

not only can I cook a few good meals, but Marina is an awesome cook.

AMP, it aint hard. You can do a lot with chicken, and it would take about 20 minutes.

then you have pasta dishes, and steaks

all you have to do is try

my first job as a kid was as a dishwasher, and I wound up working as a bar cook on Monday's. If I can do it, anyone can.

[Uncle Vinny]

I'm hungry

[GTS Mark]

Whem my ex and I broke up I was as useless as tits on a bull. Now I am a half decent cook but I rarely make anything that extreme... Usually what I will make is some nice teriyaki rice with chicken breast cutlets and maybe a side dish. I am pretty good on the BBQ as well.

DH

[goodgirl]

I don't get near the grill. My husband does that, he won 1st at state one year for BBQ chicken.

But I didn't marry him for that, I'm honest, it was his ass.

[kmanrox]

i would assume that MetaformX knows exactly how to cook

[tara]

Will give oral sex for good food.

Really??!?

[Amputate Your Head]

Steve, I got the itch one day and decided to try out making a simple cheese omlette....

it was a disastrous nightmare..... it turned into a runny half undercooked/half burnt kind of a cheesy egg soup.... ruined the pan, set off the smoke alarm, and scared the cat.

my girl won't let me touch the stove anymore.

[jimmy3way]

I can cook liek a motherfucker...that's why I'm so fucking fat. Specialties: many.

My fried chicken makes the colonel look like a private.

Take a few nice steaks, age 'em like a motherfucker, grill those ho's and that's my secret to beef.

Pasta, italian: it's all in the sauce and ingredients.

[beemk]

i used to work in a meat and seafood department in a grocery store and my old boss used to be a chef so we would always cook food on the job and he taught me a ton of shit. i can make pretty much anything but desserts. i usually end up making the easy shit though cause i'm lazy.

[Paul Markham]

Lancashire Hot Pot
Coq au Van
Steak & Mushroom Pudding

Also do a mean barbecue.

Cooking is how I won my wife, she put on 8 pounds while we were courting.

They say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, it works with girls as well.

[Thumbelina]

1. Pear Waldorf Salad(my wifes favourite)

2. A very easy Chicken/Shrimp Rice Curry

3.Sliced garlic cream potatoes with a sweet BBQ sauce and your choice of meat.


These are 3 of my fave things to make .

Receipes furnished upon request

[beemk]

Originally posted by Amputate Your Head
Steve, I got the itch one day and decided to try out making a simple cheese omlette....

it was a disastrous nightmare..... it turned into a runny half undercooked/half burnt kind of a cheesy egg soup.... ruined the pan, set off the smoke alarm, and scared the cat.

my girl won't let me touch the stove anymore.

damn when i get married i will have to remember that. if i do it on purpose and she thinks i'm a terrible cook i can have her making my meals every day. thanks for the info.

[Amputate Your Head]

I stand back and watch when she's makin' like, 5 different things at once that all comprise the meal..... it fucking amazes me....

pretty cool stuff man... and those fuckers like Emeril make that shit look so easy.... they just throw shit together like it's no big deal....

[Amputate Your Head]

damn.... now I'm hungry....

pizza time.

[phogirl69]

I live on Campbell's canned soup, Ragu Express (microwaveable pasta with sauce), and Stagg Chilli. Almost everything I eat comes out of a can and only requires heating in a microwave

[FATPad]

Originally posted by tara



Really??!?

Hell yea

[theWatsonian]

I'm the cook in the house but my wife is hell bent on going to culinary school this year so maybe that will change.
My specialty is baked goods. Every time a holiday rolls around all my friends make sure I bake up something sweet and festive. My holiday recipes are still being requested by friends wanting my Kahlua cake roll, lemon puff cookies and red velvet chocolate cake.

I have a few specialties aside from baking, such as my spicy Sausage Meatloaf, Chili from the Hellmouth and Microwave Meatballs for sam'iches or adding to a killer speghetti (no shit, if you got the touch then you can use the microwave like an oven).

But I've had a few dogs, too. The chocolate covered tortilla chips didn't go over well and nobody will touch my jalapeno chocolate chip cookies. Go figure.

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally posted by theWatsonian
nobody will touch my jalapeno chocolate chip cookies. Go figure.

ROFL!!! Maybe they just needed some cheese on 'em....?

[Uncle Vinny]

1) open can of Franco American ravioli
2) put in bowl
3) cover with paper towel
4) nuke 1 minute
5) remove paper towel & stir
6) replace paper towel
7) nuke 1 more minute
8) remove paper towel and enjoy

Note: if you cant find Franco American ravioli then substitue Chef Boyardee (check spelling)

[Amputate Your Head]

my ex-wife #2 was cajun.... man, she used to make some killer stuff...... (I can't pronounce any of it).... I miss that stuff.

[FlyingIguana]

i can cook chef boyardee as well! as long as my microwave works...

[Squishy]

1. Prime Rib with a Kansas City spice rub.

2. Crab and garlic stuffed mushrooms.

3. Marinated, smoked veal chops.


I may not be able to convert with ARS, but I can cook like a motherfucker.

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally posted by Squishy
2. Crab and garlic stuffed mushrooms.

you bastard!!!!

I'm comin' over for dinner tonight dammit. I love that stuff!!!

[jimmyf]

Yip am kind of good with Spaghetti and Pinto Beans
which I love... Have a little problem though every time I cook one of these dishes I run out of Pot, as in cooking pot.

[Amputate Your Head]

I envy you Squish..... if I could make stuff like that, I'd be makin' it right now.

[Randy]

hey the easiest and best...

Randys most excellent baked chicken.
one whole chicken,
one lemon,
one onion
garlic
3 average potatoes,
3 carrots,
1 pound mushrooms

Take chicken and wash and clean,
place in pan
stuff with half of lemon, sliced
half onion, sliced
2 garlic cloves,

Pre heat oven to 350
drizzel top of chicken with oilve oil and put some in cavity
and pat with salt, pepper and lemon pepper,
place in pan
put chopped pototoes, carrots , rest of onion, mushrooms and a few slices of lemon.
cover with foil
bake for about an hour and half or untill done
last 25 minutes uncover to brown.
its really good and moist and easy to assemble and bake
Good luck!

[spacedog]

You can put all kinds of shit with Ramen Noodles...
veggies, meat.. whatever.. perfect for drunk cooking..

[Squishy]

Originally posted by Amputate Your Head
I envy you Squish..... if I could make stuff like that, I'd be makin' it right now.

Tis all practice, my friend...burn shit to ash long enough, and you'll ge the hang of it...

[Amputate Your Head]

yeah, I was in the ash-burnin' phase for 15 years before I finally gave up. (was not meant to be)

[Steve]

yeah, you can't be afraid of fucking up every now and then

I KNOW you can grill a burger or a steak
so right there, you can broil steak, burgers, roasts, salsbury steaks, etc

but I have to be honest, it's not like I actually cook all the time
that would be a lie ;)

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally posted by Steve
I KNOW you can grill a burger or a steak

I bought a huge gas grill for my girl for Christmas 2 years ago... I haven't touched it since I put it together....

[andrea]

1. brain... 1/2 human brain is ok
2. two egg's must be beautiful :-)
3. two breads
4. heat the pan
5. take a spatula and mix the egg's
together with your favourite spicy
6. mix the egg's and the breads together
7. put them on the ban, both sides. / put cheese on!
8. wait until it's ready
9. take ketcjup, fork and something...
10. Eat this, it's delicous...

11. Mom's are always best cooking at least at my home

[BV]

Originally posted by Amputate Your Head
I even got phat respect for the BBQ grill chefs..... people that can cook perfect steaks and shark and chicken and elk and shit on a grill kick ass! (cuz god knows I sure as hell can't do it)

I'm a master when it comes to cooking with hot coals brutha!
Escpecially a Weber Kettle Grill.
I'll give you a few tips if you want.
It aint hard, easier than you think!

You want to cook steaks FAST and Quick directly over super hot coals with no lid on the grill. You are seering in the juices. You are only allowed to flip the fucker ONCE and don't overcook it. Don't panic when you see the flames go Nuts! Some nice 1 & 1/4 inch thick ribeyes take about 4 minutes each side give or take for a medium cooked. Charbroiled steak! can't beat it. Also never put salt on beef before cooking it. Pepper is fine and marinating is fine. Never salt though. dries it out. (learned that from the 2 Fat ladies) lol

Now cooking chicken on a grill is a little different technique, but sweet and easier. You do not want to put the chicken directly over the coals. You want to use the inderect heat method and also use the lid for your grill. Pile the coals up on one side of your grill, lightem up and let them turn all grey. Then I lake to take my chicken and coat it with a light coating of olive oil or any oil. Season with your favorite seasoning like salt, pepper, lemon pepper, garlic salt, whatever, marinating it before hand makes it that much better, imo, i use this mexican marinade stuff called fajita seasoning available in the Mexican section at our local Win dixie. It is mostly vinegar, garlic and other spices, same stuff they marinate chicken for fajitas making it more tender.

anyways, place your chicken on the oposite side of the grillfrom the coals, cover with your lid and thats it. come back in an hour and all will be lookin and smellin good. No need to flip anything over when cooking with the lid on, just make sure the vent holes on the top and bottom are open all the way. Pork roasts, ribs, and pretty much everything else can be cooked in this inderect method. Even a whole turkey, you can place a pan underneath next to the coals to catch the juices when doing a roast or whole bird too! You can aslso stand the bird up and stick an open can of beer in the cavity as well. It will help steam the thing from the inside out and will be the juiciest chicken you ever had. Hope this helps. There is nothing better than cooking a good home made meal. Resteraunts and frozen food gets old fast. Just doing the dishes is what sucks!
Well that was my longest post ever I think. whew!
Peace!
BV

[Amputate Your Head]

Damn! Thanks BV! I'm inspired man...... I'm gonna try it tonight....

if it comes out bad, I'll take pics. (I'm kinda leery of wrecking perfectly good steaks, but what the hell)

[Amputate Your Head]

hey, does that all apply with a gas grill too? I don't have a charcoal kind anymore....

[Gemini]

I lucked out. lol The old mans Grandmother was their home town hotels cook for decades and she taught her daughters. Which in turn he was rasied by only his Mom (lost his dad early to cancer) and his mom worked. Soooo he got taught to cook with the pinch and dash method.

He can cook about anything he comes up with and works spices like he knows what they are (previously I knew about salt and didn't like pepper) lmao He makes his own marination (?) sauce and all of that.

So I eat well when he feels like cooking. He even taught me to BOIL and NOT nuke hotdogs!! Ballparks get AMAZINGLY fat when boiled at a lowered boiling heat (small bubbles) and are sooooo juicy. *G*

Oh and pizzas that SAY you can't nuke? Uh huh, he figured out how to do those in the nuke as well and they come out just like oven made! (Yeah he doesn't ALWAYS feel like making a fancy meal)

He goes? I go back to Kraft mac n cheese, popcorn and other nuclear capable foods. lol I *did* learn to cook and I'm not that bad at it. Just realllllly hate doing it.

[Tam]

If you like chicken, I have the easiest recipe in the world for chicken and it is sooooo damn good.

Get you some boneless, skinless chicken breasts, put them in a pan with NO oil at all, no breading...... nothing........ put some of that Kraft Zesty Italian Dressing on it, sprinkle it with Parmesan Cheese, and cook it til it is done...... serve it with Rice-a-roni (one of my favs) and some green beans...... easy as all hell....... takes about 30 minutes to complete and sooo damn easy. MY family loves it.

Like Beef? Marinate steaks in orange slices, soy sauce, worchestershire (spelling) sauce and onions overnight........ slap it in a pan and braize it......... serve with baked potatoes and some other veggie

Like pork chops? THIS one my hubby did and GOD they were good....... marinate them in Heinz 57 Steak sauce, worchestershire sauce, pepper, lemon, soy sauce, liquid smoke, and seasoned salt, overnight..... I baked them but I bet they would be awesome grilled. Serve with scalloped potatoes and corn on the cob........ fucking awesome.

There are my favorite 3 meals to cook........ easy as all hell, not alot of time goes into it and they are all excellent meals. ;)

It doesn't take shit to make a good meal......... unless you wanna go all gourmet, I am NOT a gourmet cook...... just a southern cook. LOL

[Squishy]

Make a batch of this for a 10 pound prime rib:


Kansas City Rib Rub

Yield: 2 1/2 cups

Ingredients:
1 cup cane sugar
1/3 cup paprika
1/4 cup seasoned salt
1/4 cup garlic salt
1/4 cup celery salt
2 tbs onion salt
2 tbs barbecue seasoning
2 tbs chili seasoning
2 tbs black pepper
1 tbs lemon pepper
2 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

Preparation:
Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Rub the ingredients liberally over the ribs. Let the ribs stand at room temperature for up to 15 minutes. Store the rub in an airtight container in a cool place.


Then take your prime, and make sure you have a pan with a wire rack to cook it in. Place the meat on the rack, and cook in a pre-heated oven for 25 minutes at 425 degrees. Then lower the temp to 250 and cook till the temp in the center is 140 degrees...usually another 45min to an hour. Good shit, and real easy, just make sure to keep and eye on it, and use a meat thermometer. If you want it, I also have an outstanding merlot Au Jus recipe that goes with this really well.