Memo to my pets. - GoFuckYourself.com

Tala · 12-09-2005, 09:22 AM

Dear Dog and/or Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front
door.....
Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.

3. I like my pet better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive our car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and when they have young, you can sell the results!!

HammerALL · 12-09-2005, 09:34 AM

That is so true and so funny

SilentKnight · 12-09-2005, 09:42 AM

ROTFL!

Great post Tala!

Ramos · 12-09-2005, 09:42 AM

good morning gFY

Mickey_ · 12-09-2005, 09:48 AM

, that was hilarious! Thanks Tala.

Th!nk · 12-09-2005, 09:53 AM

hehehe! nice read Tala!

miss wild · 12-11-2005, 06:21 AM

Good one, thanks Tala

Tricksy · 12-11-2005, 06:27 AM

hahahahah lol

So true...

12-09-2005, 09:22 AM	#1
Tala Fucked if I know Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Do you have a flag? Posts: 23,368	Memo to my pets. Dear Dog and/or Cat, When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.) The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.) My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.) The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door..... Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets: 1. They live here; you don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pet better than I like most people. 4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged. 5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive our car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and when they have young, you can sell the results!! __________________ ICQ: 11120676 \| Google: mindcrime \| Skype: suitemindcrime\|E-Mail: mindcrime AT gmail.com\|PR girl with great writing skills for hire!!!! Contact me to work for YOU!\|TECHIEMEDIA? 24/7 support from some of the best techs in the biz. Tell Jim that I sent you.

12-09-2005, 09:34 AM	#2
HammerALL Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Toronto Posts: 3,506	That is so true and so funny __________________ Mario Amaral AKA: Hammerall Affiliate Sales \| Email:[email protected] Skype: Hammerall \| ICQ: 190272140

12-09-2005, 09:42 AM	#4
Ramos Custom User Title Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 11,927	good morning gFY __________________ blewit.com - Performance & Pleasure Training For Men.

12-09-2005, 09:48 AM	#5
Mickey_ Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Worldwide Posts: 4,238	, that was hilarious! Thanks Tala. __________________ LifeSelector Affiliates - Make money today promoting the online porn of tomorrow. mb [at] lifeselector.com

12-11-2005, 06:21 AM	#7
miss wild Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,304	Good one, thanks Tala __________________ [img]http://****************/sig/fhv3_b_624x80.gif[/img]

12-09-2005, 09:42 AM	#3
SilentKnight Megan Fox's fluffer Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: shooting pool in Elysium Posts: 24,818	ROTFL! Great post Tala!

12-09-2005, 09:53 AM	#6
Th!nk Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 6,996	hehehe! nice read Tala!

12-11-2005, 06:27 AM	#8
Tricksy Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: USA Posts: 2,601	hahahahah lol So true... __________________ Real-Bucks.com - Real Bucks for Real Webmasters.