[JOKE] Cute joke I got in the mail - GoFuckYourself.com

Trixxxia · 10-20-2005, 11:39 AM

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, yet intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

With curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

gangbangjoe · 10-20-2005, 11:41 AM

heard before but still funny

Screaming · 10-20-2005, 11:41 AM

and then? (8 chars)

SilentKnight · 10-20-2005, 12:09 PM

A trumpeter is hired to play music for a movie but isn't told what the movie is about. Two months later he receives a notice that the movie will debut at an adult theater. On the night of the show, he wears a trench coat and shades to avoid being seen and sits in the back row of the theater next to an elderly woman. For the next two hours, he watches a hardcore porn where the lead actress has sex with a dog.

"I wrote the score," the man whispers to the elderly woman partway through. "I just came to hear the music."

"That's nice," she whispers back. "I just came to see my dog."

SilentKnight

www.kastlearchives.com
www.fetishopolis.com
www.chamberofchains.com

SilentKnight · 10-20-2005, 12:14 PM

A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

"Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."

SilentKnight

www.fetishopolis.com
www.kastlearchives.com
www.chamberofchains.com

LittleSassy · 10-20-2005, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilentKnight

A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

"Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."

oh my....i ddnt expect that

Funbrunette · 10-20-2005, 12:24 PM

Hehehehehe! Thanks for sharing Trixxx!

8 Characters · 10-20-2005, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilentKnight

A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

"Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."

SilentKnight

NICE one mate

GlydeGirl · 10-20-2005, 12:51 PM

Yay! I love jokes! Thanks for the giggles.

woj · 10-20-2005, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilentKnight

A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

"Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."

SilentKnight

www.fetishopolis.com
www.kastlearchives.com
www.chamberofchains.com

Dalai lama · 10-20-2005, 01:23 PM

Lovely thread

Screaming · 10-20-2005, 01:24 PM

horse walks into a bar..

jk

xclusive · 10-20-2005, 01:33 PM

lol that was good

Manowar · 10-20-2005, 01:36 PM

Sparks · 10-20-2005, 01:59 PM

lol those are some good ones

Trixxxia · 10-20-2005, 02:11 PM

SilentKnight - love the vaseline one!!!

RuthB · 10-20-2005, 02:18 PM

what a great way to brighten the afternoon!

LOL - hilarious jokes!

poorwebmaster · 10-20-2005, 03:14 PM

Damn you are cold!

Monique Niccole · 10-20-2005, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilentKnight

A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

"Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."

Heard that one dozens of times, but it always cracks me up.

amandaspost · 10-20-2005, 03:17 PM

lol

pornguy · 10-20-2005, 03:21 PM

That was good.

Th!nk · 10-20-2005, 03:31 PM

That was so mean! But it's funny though!

HammerALL · 10-20-2005, 04:12 PM

The convict one is hilarious!!!

Spunky · 10-20-2005, 07:21 PM

Great jokes ,liked the supermarket one

DrifterXXL · 10-21-2005, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Screaming

horse walks into a bar..

jk

Ouch!!!!

Markit · 10-21-2005, 04:21 AM

Homer · 10-21-2005, 04:27 AM

I heard that

10-20-2005, 11:39 AM	#1
Trixxxia Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 5,600	[JOKE] Cute joke I got in the mail A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, 2 lb. can of coffee, And a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, yet intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. With curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

10-20-2005, 11:41 AM	#2
gangbangjoe Ronin Join Date: May 2004 Location: Live by the code Die by the code Posts: 17,693	heard before but still funny __________________ NichePay - $30 on all trials - Killer Ratios .................................................. Female Ejaculation - Hairy - Shemale Puffy Nipples - Huge Clits - And More! ..................................................

10-20-2005, 11:41 AM	#3
Screaming I can change this!!!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 18,972	and then? (8 chars) __________________

10-20-2005, 12:09 PM	#4
SilentKnight Megan Fox's fluffer Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: shooting pool in Elysium Posts: 24,818	A trumpeter is hired to play music for a movie but isn't told what the movie is about. Two months later he receives a notice that the movie will debut at an adult theater. On the night of the show, he wears a trench coat and shades to avoid being seen and sits in the back row of the theater next to an elderly woman. For the next two hours, he watches a hardcore porn where the lead actress has sex with a dog. "I wrote the score," the man whispers to the elderly woman partway through. "I just came to hear the music." "That's nice," she whispers back. "I just came to see my dog." SilentKnight www.kastlearchives.com www.fetishopolis.com www.chamberofchains.com Last edited by SilentKnight; 10-20-2005 at 12:09 PM.. Reason: fat finger typo

10-20-2005, 12:14 PM	#5
SilentKnight Megan Fox's fluffer Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: shooting pool in Elysium Posts: 24,818	A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom. The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you." "Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too." SilentKnight www.fetishopolis.com www.kastlearchives.com www.chamberofchains.com Last edited by SilentKnight; 10-20-2005 at 12:15 PM.. Reason: typo

10-20-2005, 12:24 PM	#7
Funbrunette Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 4,834	Hehehehehe! Thanks for sharing Trixxx! __________________ Stephanie (Funbrunette) [email protected] ICQ: 155-713-409

10-20-2005, 12:51 PM	#9
GlydeGirl Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,516	Yay! I love jokes! Thanks for the giggles.

10-20-2005, 01:23 PM	#11
Dalai lama Strength and Honor Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Europe Posts: 16,540	Lovely thread __________________ A program you can trust. Gallerybooster Run multiply TGPs of 1 script

10-20-2005, 01:24 PM	#12
Screaming I can change this!!!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 18,972	horse walks into a bar.. jk __________________

10-20-2005, 01:33 PM	#13
xclusive Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Buffalo, NY Posts: 35,218	lol that was good __________________ I support MediumPimpin.com / Shemp's Outlawtgp.com /

10-20-2005, 01:36 PM	#14
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528

10-20-2005, 01:59 PM	#15
Sparks Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Southern CA Posts: 2,466	lol those are some good ones

10-20-2005, 02:11 PM	#16
Trixxxia Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 5,600	SilentKnight - love the vaseline one!!!

10-20-2005, 02:18 PM	#17
RuthB Let's Get Paxumized! Industry Role: Join Date: May 2005 Location: Vancouver, Canada Posts: 7,247	what a great way to brighten the afternoon! LOL - hilarious jokes! __________________ Send & Receive Mass Global Payments - Mass P2P/Wire/EFT/SEPA - Adult Industry Friendly - Award Winning Payment Service - Fast, Reliable & Secure! Paxum ...... Paxum Bank Email: [email protected] ~ Telegram: PaxumRuth

10-20-2005, 03:14 PM	#18
poorwebmaster Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Earth Posts: 1,137	Damn you are cold! __________________

10-20-2005, 03:17 PM	#20
amandaspost Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 1,935	lol

10-20-2005, 03:21 PM	#21
pornguy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Homeless Posts: 62,911	That was good. __________________ PornGuy skype me pornguy_epic AmateurDough The Hottes Shemales online! TChicks.com \| Angeles Cid \| Mariana Cordoba \| MAILERS WELCOME!

10-20-2005, 03:31 PM	#22
Th!nk Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 6,996	That was so mean! But it's funny though!

10-20-2005, 04:12 PM	#23
HammerALL Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Toronto Posts: 3,506	The convict one is hilarious!!! __________________ Mario Amaral AKA: Hammerall Affiliate Sales \| Email:[email protected] Skype: Hammerall \| ICQ: 190272140

10-20-2005, 07:21 PM	#24
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,947	Great jokes ,liked the supermarket one __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

10-21-2005, 04:21 AM	#26
Markit Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 1,305	LOL __________________

10-21-2005, 04:27 AM	#27
Homer Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 6,780	I heard that __________________