[JOKE] Cute joke I got in the mail
 

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, yet intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

With curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

heard before but still funny :1orglaugh

and then? (8 chars)

A trumpeter is hired to play music for a movie but isn't told what the movie is about. Two months later he receives a notice that the movie will debut at an adult theater. On the night of the show, he wears a trench coat and shades to avoid being seen and sits in the back row of the theater next to an elderly woman. For the next two hours, he watches a hardcore porn where the lead actress has sex with a dog.

"I wrote the score," the man whispers to the elderly woman partway through. "I just came to hear the music."

"That's nice," she whispers back. "I just came to see my dog."


SilentKnight

www.kastlearchives.com
www.fetishopolis.com
www.chamberofchains.com

A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

"Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."


SilentKnight

www.fetishopolis.com
www.kastlearchives.com
www.chamberofchains.com

:1orglaugh oh my....i ddnt expect that

Hehehehehe! Thanks for sharing Trixxx! :1orglaugh

NICE one mate :) :upsidedow

Yay! I love jokes! Thanks for the giggles.

:1orglaugh

Lovely thread :)

horse walks into a bar..

jk

lol that was good

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

lol those are some good ones

:1orglaugh SilentKnight - love the vaseline one!!!

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh what a great way to brighten the afternoon!

LOL - hilarious jokes! :thumbsup

Damn you are cold! :1orglaugh

Heard that one dozens of times, but it always cracks me up. :1orglaugh

lol :1orglaugh

That was good.

That was so mean! But it's funny though!

The convict one is hilarious!!! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Great jokes ,liked the supermarket one

Ouch!!!! :winkwink:

LOL
:thumbsup

I heard that :1orglaugh