Because I need to blow off some steam. What are some good French jokes?

[MetroPornTour]

Seriously,

I like Paris because it is like an art gallary every single day. And the clothes and lingerie is soo cheap.

But if you have ever been harrassed by a grocery store bouncer for putting your something on the wrong shelf or had to wait 45 mins in the check out line because they refuse to employ more than one cashier.

You would understand the need to occaisionally laugh at the true french.

So I'm collecting them. What are good french jokes.

[Fresh]

i dont think the french have jokes. just point and laugh

[MetroPornTour]

Originally Posted by Dave Guru

i dont think the french have jokes. just point and laugh

You probably have a point there. And if they do, I'm still waiting to hear the punch line.

In contrast, the Quebecois, Belgiques and Haitians are all fucking hysterical.

[MetroPornTour]

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.
**********************

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered,"

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians.
Everything inside them is color-coded,"

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers.
They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."
***************

Is it any wonder that America?s most beloved French character is a skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god?

Originally Posted by MetroPornTour

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.
**********************

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered,"

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians.
Everything inside them is color-coded,"

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers.
They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."
***************

Is it any wonder that America?s most beloved French character is a skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god?

[Spunky]

Originally Posted by MetroPornTour

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.
**********************

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered,"

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians.
Everything inside them is color-coded,"

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers.
They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."
***************

Is it any wonder that Americahahaha8217;s most beloved French character is a skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god?

Lol..funny shit

[LongJohn]

How many gears does a French tank have?

It has 5 gears. 4 reverse and 1 forward (in case they get attacked from behind)

[MetroPornTour]

These next photograph need some sort of funny comment. But for the love of me I can't think of any.

[MetroPornTour]

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be French".

[MetroPornTour]

Standard French Army Rations!

[MetroPornTour]

10 things the French do or say that makes the world hate them.

10. You can only buy a Gyros in France on a baguette with mayonaise

9. 85% of French people say Belgians invented fries.

8. "Pardon Monsieur, I am not comming on to you wife. It is both of you I want."

7. Street mimes in France will attract crowds.

6. The only other dialect of french language they recognize is Quebecois. Any other French accent/dialect must be an anglophone that never learned the language properly.

5. Even men have to colour cordinate their clothing with their scooter.

4. Fat Head (Gross tete) is a major cuss word in France.

3. When you don't agree with a Frenchman's opinion, he starts speaking english. A Frenchman is always right. Therefore dumb anglophone brains can not have understood him when he said it in French.

2. Glued together plastic plumbing is considered a standard way to build a house.

1. Considering they are next to Italy and Spain, they actually believe their Half-Raw cuisine is actually good.