Family Guy funny quotes - GoFuckYourself.com

SteveLightspeed · 08-01-2005, 10:30 AM

Stewie: "What's the number? What is it? Oh yes, I remember now. 867-5309. What? Oh, DAMN YOU TOMMY TUTONE!"

Post your favorites

axelcat · 08-01-2005, 10:34 AM

I have never watched 1 single episode yet, I think I should start

BradM · 08-01-2005, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by axelcat

I have never watched 1 single episode yet, I think I should start

Do they have it on planet bot?

axelcat · 08-01-2005, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BradM

Do they have it on planet bot?

huh???????

boner 2.0 · 08-01-2005, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by axelcat

I have never watched 1 single episode yet, I think I should start

You should, the Family Guy is fucking funny

Pete-KT · 08-01-2005, 10:38 AM

I love watchin that show, its funny as hell

SteveLightspeed · 08-01-2005, 10:39 AM

I got the first 3 seasons on dvd for my birthday, I'm sorry I didn't start watching it sooner. It the funniest "NOT FOR KIDS" cartoon on TV

Mohawk Steve · 08-01-2005, 10:39 AM

Stewie to Lois: "For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!"

axelcat · 08-01-2005, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boner 2.0

You should, the Family Guy is fucking funny

I am going to start watching it

zzgundamnzz · 08-01-2005, 10:39 AM

Peter uses life savings to buy volcano insurance.

Lois: Stares at Peter

Peter: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

x-vision · 08-01-2005, 10:41 AM

Beats the Simpsons easily. One of the funniest shows ever. There are lines in every episode.

LittleSassy · 08-01-2005, 10:41 AM

i guess i should start watchin now...

psili · 08-01-2005, 10:43 AM

Guy on Airplane: "Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby."
Stewie: "What did you just say?"
Lois: "Stewie, stop fussing."
Stewie: "Pipe down Lois." (Slaps guy on head) "Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, your my bitch."

http://www.familyguyquotes.com/chara...in-quotes.html

SteveLightspeed · 08-01-2005, 10:44 AM

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

laura · 08-01-2005, 10:45 AM

I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull.

chadglni · 08-01-2005, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psili

Guy on Airplane: "Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby."
Stewie: "What did you just say?"
Lois: "Stewie, stop fussing."
Stewie: "Pipe down Lois." (Slaps guy on head) "Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, your my bitch."

http://www.familyguyquotes.com/chara...in-quotes.html

Dammit I missed this one.

Thurbs · 08-01-2005, 10:46 AM

"If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

SteveLightspeed · 08-01-2005, 10:47 AM

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Jayde · 08-01-2005, 10:48 AM

Peter to Lois: "If I have to sit thru this than I get anal tonight." while sitting thru a ceremony lauding Joe.

Thurbs · 08-01-2005, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lightspeed

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

hahahaha .. that one is great.

Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes.

SteveLightspeed · 08-01-2005, 10:52 AM

Quagmire: You must be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire.

laura · 08-01-2005, 10:55 AM

Quagmire:

"Hey Meg, 18 yet?"

laura · 08-01-2005, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lightspeed

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

LOL

ahahaha i forgot about that one!

Thurbs · 08-01-2005, 10:57 AM

(Adam West is marrying his hand)
Priest: If anyone has any reason as to why this marriage should not take place, speak now or forever hold your peace.
(Adam West's other hand raises up)
Adam West: Shut up, you had your chance!

SteveLightspeed · 08-01-2005, 10:57 AM

Peter: Lois, less talkie more fetchie.

Harley Girl · 08-01-2005, 10:58 AM

gigity gigity....lol

ronaldo · 08-01-2005, 10:59 AM

Stewie at Brian's Mom's "Burial"..."I never knew Biscuit as a dog, but I did know her as a table."

tical · 08-01-2005, 11:07 AM

Peter: "I've got an idea! An idea so great my head would explode if I even began to know what I was thinking about"

pxxx · 08-01-2005, 11:11 AM

I love that show, it is too funny.

dennisthemenace · 08-01-2005, 11:45 AM

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

Zebra · 08-01-2005, 11:48 AM

I just got the Untold Stewie Griffin movie. Very funny and some raunchy shit.

media · 08-01-2005, 11:50 AM

Best ever.. Stewie: "What the Deuce!""

Metalsound · 08-01-2005, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverCash Thurbs

(Adam West is marrying his hand)
Priest: If anyone has any reason as to why this marriage should not take place, speak now or forever hold your peace.
(Adam West's other hand raises up)
Adam West: Shut up, you had your chance!

CLASSIC !!

sherie · 08-01-2005, 12:08 PM

Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

sherie · 08-01-2005, 12:09 PM

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

Rochard · 08-01-2005, 12:15 PM

Steve Lightspeed has time for TV? Interesting.

sherie · 08-01-2005, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RocHard

Steve Lightspeed has time for TV? Interesting.

Get back to work slacker!! :P

Stewie (in car with Brian, says to police officer): We met on the Internet. He lured me into the car with promises of candy and funny stories.

iwantchixx · 08-01-2005, 12:27 PM

I just watched the movie yesterday. While not as good as the series it was still hilarious

CDSmith · 08-01-2005, 12:38 PM

Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.
Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay?
Peter: No. No. I just; I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.

Jayde · 08-01-2005, 12:48 PM

Ok, so where did you all get the movie: stewie: the untold story? I have been trying to get it and I can't find it at all.

reynold · 08-01-2005, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CDSmith

Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.
Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay?
Peter: No. No. I just; I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.

This quaote needs a bump.

High Quality · 08-01-2005, 06:38 PM

(licking meg's tears as she cries about being ugly and fat) "Oh, your anguish sustains me. Oh Yes." -Stewie

wedouglas · 08-01-2005, 06:52 PM

"Oh no!"
"Oh no!"
"Oh no!"
"OH YEAH!!!" (kool aid busts through the wall)

"Gigitty gigitty gigitty"

pr0 · 08-01-2005, 06:57 PM

stewie: "think maybe you can splurge next time & invest in some solid white albacore?"

FlexxAeon · 08-01-2005, 07:02 PM

Black Jack Dealer :You have 18
Peter : Hit Me.
Black Jack Dealer : 21!!
Peter : Hit Me.
Black Jack Dealer :That's 30...
Peter : Hit Me

pr0 · 08-01-2005, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FlexxAeon

Black Jack Dealer :You have 18
Peter : Hit Me.
Black Jack Dealer : 21!!
Peter : Hit Me.
Black Jack Dealer :That's 30...
Peter : Hit Me

Black Jack Dealer :You have 18
Peter : Hit Me.
Black Jack Dealer : 21!!
Peter : Hit Me.
Dealer: But you have 21 sir
Peter Hit me
Black Jack Dealer :That's 30...
Peter: Hit me

Mako · 08-01-2005, 07:06 PM

None of the lines posted are even remotely funny. They're all pretty obvious, meaning you can predict the next line before it's written: The mark of simple comedy. CDSmith's line was pretty sharp, but also predictable.

Not sure why this show appeals to so many over say South Park (infinitely more funny) or the Simpsons (slipping in recent years, but still cuts to the bone on occaision).

Besides, this is Eurpean Lee's favorite show, that alone speaks volumes as to its quality.

sperbonzo · 08-01-2005, 07:07 PM

BIG bump for family guy. I fricken LOVE that show!

(That and American Dad is pretty damn funny also!)

sperbonzo · 08-01-2005, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mako

None of the lines posted are even remotely funny. They're all pretty obvious, meaning you can predict the next line before it's written: The mark of simple comedy. CDSmith's line was pretty sharp, but also predictable.

Not sure why this show appeals to so many over say South Park (infinitely more funny) or the Simpsons (slipping in recent years, but still cuts to the bone on occaision).

Besides, this is Eurpean Lee's favorite show, that alone speaks volumes as to its quality.

You can take any line out of context and it's just obvious and silly.... Just watch it and look at the timing and delivery.

wedouglas · 08-01-2005, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mako

None of the lines posted are even remotely funny. They're all pretty obvious, meaning you can predict the next line before it's written: The mark of simple comedy. CDSmith's line was pretty sharp, but also predictable.

Not sure why this show appeals to so many over say South Park (infinitely more funny) or the Simpsons (slipping in recent years, but still cuts to the bone on occaision).

Besides, this is Eurpean Lee's favorite show, that alone speaks volumes as to its quality.

I bet you'd miss a lot of the jokes. The writing on that show covers such a wide timeline. South Park jokes aren't nearly as subtle or highbrow as Family Guy.

08-01-2005, 10:30 AM	#1
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Family Guy funny quotes Stewie: "What's the number? What is it? Oh yes, I remember now. 867-5309. What? Oh, DAMN YOU TOMMY TUTONE!" Post your favorites __________________ Abra-cadabra!

08-01-2005, 10:39 AM	#7
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	I got the first 3 seasons on dvd for my birthday, I'm sorry I didn't start watching it sooner. It the funniest "NOT FOR KIDS" cartoon on TV __________________ Abra-cadabra!

08-01-2005, 10:39 AM	#8
Mohawk Steve (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: SoCal Posts: 3,222	Stewie to Lois: "For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!" __________________ Adult FriendFinder Skype: mohawk_steve Cams.com Last edited by Mohawk Steve; 08-01-2005 at 10:40 AM..

08-01-2005, 10:39 AM	#10
zzgundamnzz Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,102	Peter uses life savings to buy volcano insurance. Lois: Stares at Peter Peter: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. __________________

08-01-2005, 10:41 AM	#11
x-vision Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: virtual reality Posts: 1,013	Beats the Simpsons easily. One of the funniest shows ever. There are lines in every episode. __________________ Get the VirtualFX 2D to 3D TV Converter or 3D Glasses for your PC. Great affiliate and resale programs available. http://www.realistixxx.com/

08-01-2005, 10:34 AM	#2
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450	I have never watched 1 single episode yet, I think I should start

08-01-2005, 10:38 AM	#6
Pete-KT Workin With The Devil Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: West Bloomfield, MI Posts: 51,532	I love watchin that show, its funny as hell

08-01-2005, 10:41 AM	#12
LittleSassy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: behind you Posts: 7,402	i guess i should start watchin now... __________________ Proadultoutsourcing.com ~ version 2.0 OFFSHORE SOLUTIONS PROVIDER SINCE 2003 ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE 264-580-554

08-01-2005, 10:43 AM	#13
psili Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Loveland, CO Posts: 5,526	Guy on Airplane: "Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby." Stewie: "What did you just say?" Lois: "Stewie, stop fussing." Stewie: "Pipe down Lois." (Slaps guy on head) "Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, your my bitch." http://www.familyguyquotes.com/chara...in-quotes.html __________________ Your post count means nothing.

08-01-2005, 10:44 AM	#14
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different. Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells. __________________ Abra-cadabra!

08-01-2005, 10:45 AM	#15
laura Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Location: Digital Nomad, but based in New England Posts: 945	I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull.

08-01-2005, 10:46 AM	#17
Thurbs The Thrilla in Manila Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Thurbs' Lagoon, Christmas Island Posts: 4,785	"If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

08-01-2005, 10:47 AM	#18
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioner: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. __________________ Abra-cadabra!

08-01-2005, 10:48 AM	#19
Jayde Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: USA Posts: 108	Peter to Lois: "If I have to sit thru this than I get anal tonight." while sitting thru a ceremony lauding Joe. __________________ Jayde http://www.hotindianbabe.com

08-01-2005, 10:52 AM	#21
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Quagmire: You must be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire. __________________ Abra-cadabra!

08-01-2005, 10:55 AM	#22
laura Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Location: Digital Nomad, but based in New England Posts: 945	Quagmire: "Hey Meg, 18 yet?"

08-01-2005, 10:57 AM	#24
Thurbs The Thrilla in Manila Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Thurbs' Lagoon, Christmas Island Posts: 4,785	(Adam West is marrying his hand) Priest: If anyone has any reason as to why this marriage should not take place, speak now or forever hold your peace. (Adam West's other hand raises up) Adam West: Shut up, you had your chance!

08-01-2005, 10:57 AM	#25
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Peter: Lois, less talkie more fetchie. __________________ Abra-cadabra!

08-01-2005, 10:58 AM	#26
Harley Girl Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: I Love MikeHawk! Posts: 864	gigity gigity....lol __________________ SMASHBUCKS Paying webmasters on-time, every-time since 2001! ICQ: 236075443

08-01-2005, 10:59 AM	#27
ronaldo Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: ICQ#: 272000271 Posts: 5,475	Stewie at Brian's Mom's "Burial"..."I never knew Biscuit as a dog, but I did know her as a table."

08-01-2005, 11:07 AM	#28
tical Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 6,504	Peter: "I've got an idea! An idea so great my head would explode if I even began to know what I was thinking about" __________________ 112.020.756

08-01-2005, 11:11 AM	#29
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	I love that show, it is too funny.

08-01-2005, 11:45 AM	#30
dennisthemenace Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: In the present moment Posts: 2,668	Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim! Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick. Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic! Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick! __________________ All the best to you

08-01-2005, 11:48 AM	#31
Zebra Banned from Kimmy's couch Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Down at Fraggle Rock Posts: 5,091	I just got the Untold Stewie Griffin movie. Very funny and some raunchy shit. __________________ Old School

08-01-2005, 11:50 AM	#32
media Confirmed Moneymaker Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Eugene, OR It's Like Jail, Only with Trees! Posts: 9,852	Best ever.. Stewie: "What the Deuce!"" __________________ I'm here for the violence!

08-01-2005, 12:08 PM	#34
sherie Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 7,020	Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway? __________________ AIM sherierocks ICQ 127-296-286 Skype traffichor

08-01-2005, 12:09 PM	#35
sherie Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 7,020	Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch. __________________ AIM sherierocks ICQ 127-296-286 Skype traffichor

08-01-2005, 12:15 PM	#36
Rochard Jägermeister Test Pilot Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: NORCAL Posts: 74,023	Steve Lightspeed has time for TV? Interesting. __________________ “The choice is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal and crazy.” - Sarah Huckabee Sanders YNOT MAIL \| THE BEST ADULT MAILING SOLUTION

08-01-2005, 12:27 PM	#38
iwantchixx Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: The Boonies Posts: 12,860	I just watched the movie yesterday. While not as good as the series it was still hilarious

08-01-2005, 12:38 PM	#39
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat. Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay? Peter: No. No. I just; I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

08-01-2005, 12:48 PM	#40
Jayde Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: USA Posts: 108	Ok, so where did you all get the movie: stewie: the untold story? I have been trying to get it and I can't find it at all. __________________ Jayde http://www.hotindianbabe.com

08-01-2005, 06:38 PM	#42
High Quality Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Vegas Posts: 5,741	(licking meg's tears as she cries about being ugly and fat) "Oh, your anguish sustains me. Oh Yes." -Stewie __________________ RecurCash.com - Averaging $38/sale with 60% revshare in the first 4 months alone! Convert your TEEN traffic today @ better than 1:500 guaranteed. ICQ me: 18287590!

08-01-2005, 06:52 PM	#43
wedouglas So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Dearborn, MI Posts: 5,921	"Oh no!" "Oh no!" "Oh no!" "OH YEAH!!!" (kool aid busts through the wall) "Gigitty gigitty gigitty"

08-01-2005, 06:57 PM	#44
pr0 rockin tha trailerpark Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: ~Coastal~ Posts: 23,088	stewie: "think maybe you can splurge next time & invest in some solid white albacore?" __________________ __________ Loadedca$h - get sum! - Revengebucks - mmm rebills! - webair (gotz sErVrz)

08-01-2005, 07:02 PM	#45
FlexxAeon Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 3,765	Black Jack Dealer :You have 18 Peter : Hit Me. Black Jack Dealer : 21!! Peter : Hit Me. Black Jack Dealer :That's 30... Peter : Hit Me