Family Guy funny quotes
 

Stewie: "What's the number? What is it? Oh yes, I remember now. 867-5309. What? Oh, DAMN YOU TOMMY TUTONE!"

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I have never watched 1 single episode yet, I think I should start

Do they have it on planet bot?

huh???????

You should, the Family Guy is fucking funny :2 cents: :1orglaugh

I love watchin that show, its funny as hell

I got the first 3 seasons on dvd for my birthday, I'm sorry I didn't start watching it sooner. It the funniest "NOT FOR KIDS" cartoon on TV

Stewie to Lois: "For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!"

I am going to start watching it

Peter uses life savings to buy volcano insurance.

Lois: Stares at Peter

Peter: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

Beats the Simpsons easily. One of the funniest shows ever. There are lines in every episode.

i guess i should start watchin now...:1orglaugh

Guy on Airplane: "Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby."
Stewie: "What did you just say?"
Lois: "Stewie, stop fussing."
Stewie: "Pipe down Lois." (Slaps guy on head) "Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, your my bitch."

http://www.familyguyquotes.com/chara...in-quotes.html

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull.

Dammit I missed this one.

"If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Peter to Lois: "If I have to sit thru this than I get anal tonight." while sitting thru a ceremony lauding Joe.

hahahaha .. that one is great.

Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes.

Quagmire: You must be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire.

Quagmire:

"Hey Meg, 18 yet?"

LOL

ahahaha i forgot about that one!

(Adam West is marrying his hand)
Priest: If anyone has any reason as to why this marriage should not take place, speak now or forever hold your peace.
(Adam West's other hand raises up)
Adam West: Shut up, you had your chance!

Peter: Lois, less talkie more fetchie.

gigity gigity....lol

Stewie at Brian's Mom's "Burial"..."I never knew Biscuit as a dog, but I did know her as a table."

Peter: "I've got an idea! An idea so great my head would explode if I even began to know what I was thinking about"

I love that show, it is too funny.

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

I just got the Untold Stewie Griffin movie. Very funny and some raunchy shit.

Best ever.. Stewie: "What the Deuce!""

CLASSIC !! :1orglaugh

Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

Steve Lightspeed has time for TV? Interesting.

Get back to work slacker!! :P


Stewie (in car with Brian, says to police officer): We met on the Internet. He lured me into the car with promises of candy and funny stories.

I just watched the movie yesterday. While not as good as the series it was still hilarious

Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.
Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay?
Peter: No. No. I just; I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.


:1orglaugh

Ok, so where did you all get the movie: stewie: the untold story? I have been trying to get it and I can't find it at all.

:thumbsup This quaote needs a bump.

(licking meg's tears as she cries about being ugly and fat) "Oh, your anguish sustains me. Oh Yes." -Stewie

"Oh no!"
"Oh no!"
"Oh no!"
"OH YEAH!!!" (kool aid busts through the wall)


"Gigitty gigitty gigitty"

stewie: "think maybe you can splurge next time & invest in some solid white albacore?"

Black Jack Dealer :You have 18
Peter : Hit Me.
Black Jack Dealer : 21!!
Peter : Hit Me.
Black Jack Dealer :That's 30...
Peter : Hit Me

Black Jack Dealer :You have 18
Peter : Hit Me.
Black Jack Dealer : 21!!
Peter : Hit Me.
Dealer: But you have 21 sir
Peter Hit me
Black Jack Dealer :That's 30...
Peter: Hit me

None of the lines posted are even remotely funny. They're all pretty obvious, meaning you can predict the next line before it's written: The mark of simple comedy. CDSmith's line was pretty sharp, but also predictable.

Not sure why this show appeals to so many over say South Park (infinitely more funny) or the Simpsons (slipping in recent years, but still cuts to the bone on occaision).

Besides, this is Eurpean Lee's favorite show, that alone speaks volumes as to its quality. :winkwink:

BIG bump for family guy. I fricken LOVE that show!

(That and American Dad is pretty damn funny also!)

You can take any line out of context and it's just obvious and silly.... Just watch it and look at the timing and delivery. :2 cents:

I bet you'd miss a lot of the jokes. The writing on that show covers such a wide timeline. South Park jokes aren't nearly as subtle or highbrow as Family Guy.