Newbie Dictionary in layman's terms - GoFuckYourself.com

SteveLightspeed · 07-30-2005, 03:22 PM

I put all these analogies together, in one handy Newbie Dictionary

If getting laid was like selling memberships to pornsites....

Getting listed on a big tgp = going to a club
Getting listed on the wrong tgp = accidentally going to a gay club
Submitting a gallery = You're drunk as fuck and hoping the doorman lets you in
Submitting a gallery with partner account = You're drunk as fuck and know the doorman, he might still not let you in.
Paid gallery spot = You're drunk as fuck but the doorman owes you one.

Blind traffic = Your friends set you up with a hot chick but she wasn't told you were fat so she leaves
Email traffic = you ask everyone at the bar, even the oldest and ugliest women, and all the men, to fuck
Search engine traffic = she hits on you first
Members area traffic = she hits on you first, and she's not wearing any panties
Typein traffic = you were the best fuck she ever had or she read YOUR number on the bathroom wall
bookmarker = fuck buddy
2257 = she gets carded at the bar

Getting a gallery view = making eye contact

Getting a click through to the tour = talking to a hot girl
Softcore tour = Walking around at the bar with a sock in your pants
Hardcore tour = Walking around at the bar with your cock hanging out

Popup hell = you are so drunk, you keep asking the same woman over and over, and wonder why you never get laid

Closes the tour without a sale, pops exit console = She's not into you. Introduce her to your friends as a favor to them.

Click through to the join page = she's interested

Fills out the join form = she's partying back at your place

Sale declined by bank = she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend

Bank error = she forgot she was on her period

Giving a complimentary password = fucking an ugly chick instead of your hand

Using your own credit card to join, to test if everything is working = jerking off

Making a trial sale = she gives you a hand job

Making a full sale = getting laid
Upsell = You get to use the poop chute too
Getting a cross sell = she lets your friend fuck her too, now he owes you a 3some with his chick
One-click crosssell = introducing her to your friend, while she's naked in your bed, before she cums
Prechecked cross sell = all your friends fuck her after she passes out

CCbill scrub = Ron is there handing out brochures about promiscuity and STDS
Low CCbill scrub = Ron points out all the slutty chicks
High CCbill scrub = Ron tells everyone you have VD

CCbill and Epoch share the negative scrub list = all the infected chicks in the bar are clearly marked

You have freaky, kinky, crazy, interracial sex = CCbill pays via Epassporte

Good Conversions = Don't change your game, you keep getting laid
Bad Conversions = Time for a new hairstyle and/or clothes
0:10,000 conversions = you have food in your teeth, wrong clothes, unzipped fly, bad hair, horrible acne, thick glasses, and toilet paper stuck to your shoe

Getting your sale shaved by a sponsor = You fucked her but don't remember it
Void = she fucks you, but won't let you cum

Sale that cancels before first rebill = one night stand

Cancellation discount = telling her if she stays, you'll let her cum first next time

Failed Rebill = She wants you to call, but you lost her number

Rebill = you fuck her again, but she doesn't really get much out of it

Refund = she tells you that you are lousy in bed
Chargeback = she tells everyone you know that you are lousy in bed

or

Refund = she wants to have sex, but only if she can fuck you with a strap on
Chargeback = she's a tranny
or
Chargeback = you fuck her, but her boyfriend kicks the shit out of you later

Surfer posts his password = you got VD
Server crash after sale = you got Gonorrhea
Permanent DDOS attack = you got Herpes
Feds close you down for selling porn = you got AIDS

scumware = you take her home and fuck her, but a few nights later you notice your closet door is cracked open, your drawers are ruffled through, and your credit cards are rearranged in your wallet

Selling your member list = writing her phone number on the men?s room wall
Emailing your ex-members = drunken midnight booty call

Affiliate program = you give your best pickup lines to your buddy (free content), pay his way into the club (free hosting), and even buy all the drinks he wants (free hosted galleries), and let him fuck her at your house (your paysite)

revshare = she gives you head while he's fucking her, every time
pps = you get sloppy seconds, but she's yours after the first time

Offering multi-site access = if she'll fuck you, you'll give her a car, a nice apartment, buy her clothes, pay off her debts, and give her extra spending money too
Offering a limited trial = you let her taste and smell your dick to see if she likes it

Hidden charges in the terms and conditions = date rape, or fucking her then stealing her wallet

No cancellation button in members area = she's tied to your bed

Machete_ · 07-30-2005, 03:31 PM

ahahahhahahhahahah... can i use that on my site.. I'll put a link in the article to LS?

07-30-2005, 03:32 PM

Good one Steve...if a newbie gets all those analogies, i don't know if i'd call them a newbie anymore

I liked this one particularly:
Chargeback = you fuck her, but her boyfriend kicks the shit out of you later

seeric · 07-30-2005, 03:33 PM

thats creativity

SteveLightspeed · 07-30-2005, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ebus_dk

ahahahhahahhahahah... can i use that on my site.. I'll put a link in the article to LS?

sure, glad you liked them

Manowar · 07-30-2005, 03:51 PM

Dagwolf · 07-30-2005, 03:55 PM

You obviously put a lot more thought into that post than I'm putting into this one. ;)

2HousePlague · 07-30-2005, 03:57 PM

thanks for the nice re-packaging, steve --

why don't ya string these together, put 'em on a page somewhere --

2HP

Why · 07-30-2005, 04:24 PM

long read, but a funny one

DirtyDanza · 07-31-2005, 05:16 PM

that fucking great and right onpoint

HAPPYPEEKERS · 07-31-2005, 05:25 PM

hahahaha that was hillarious lol

CybermedAndy · 07-31-2005, 05:41 PM

Ha godDAMN that was funny

Spunky · 07-31-2005, 05:43 PM

Lol..those were funny

Nysus · 07-31-2005, 05:45 PM

Heh. That's great. It's not really a newbie dictionary for adult terms though, more of a comparison. Great comparisons though!

Matt

tristan_D · 07-31-2005, 05:47 PM

that was very funny. they are very useful.

reynold · 07-31-2005, 05:51 PM

Thanks. Still have so many things to learn.

69pornlinks · 07-31-2005, 06:03 PM

.........

Matt Collins · 07-31-2005, 07:38 PM

This is too funny!

Matt

Nysus · 07-31-2005, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt Collins

This is too funny!

Matt

You're not allowed to sign your name like that; I've reserved it. And be warned, don't use "Cheers, Matt" or any alternate, you'll be bullied into changing it by the assholes of the board.

Matt

Pete-KT · 07-31-2005, 08:03 PM

very nice steve

sniperwolf · 07-31-2005, 08:04 PM

Yahtzee!.. I love how your braic cells work man!.. Quite alot of reading but sure is worth the time.. hilarious stuff!

Jayde · 07-31-2005, 08:10 PM

OMG, that is too funny and very apt.

I don't think newbies will get it though.

Nysus · 07-31-2005, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hib96

OMG, that is too funny and very apt.

I don't think newbies will get it though.

I agree, there's a lot of terminology they could look up though if they wanted to get the humour in it.

Matt

Jayde · 07-31-2005, 10:24 PM

You can't look it up, you have to live it and be screwed over and over to understand. Only baptism by fire on that stuff.

BobG · 07-31-2005, 10:38 PM

Clever Dude Alert!!!! Great thread.

PixeLs · 07-31-2005, 10:50 PM

Giving a complimentary password = fucking an ugly chick instead of your hand
-I think I was once gulity of this.

MichaelP · 07-31-2005, 10:58 PM

great post Steve.

Simply brillliant

Project-Shadow · 07-31-2005, 11:05 PM

Props, it's 7am i'm half dead. But those still managed to get me laughing.. i'm in tears seriously

reed_4 · 08-01-2005, 12:25 AM

what a creative mind you have, very funny. thanks

je_rome · 08-01-2005, 12:55 AM

hahaha! that's good stuff. i'll remember that.

SFF11 · 09-22-2005, 06:47 PM

September bump

K R I S T E N · 09-22-2005, 08:04 PM

Steve...this is GREAT! Thanks for sharing...

d00t · 09-22-2005, 09:50 PM

wow great read dude...

J-Reel · 09-22-2005, 09:54 PM

Classic stuff

Easton · 09-22-2005, 09:55 PM

LMFAO! god that rocks!

SteveLightspeed · 10-21-2005, 03:58 PM

bump for the newbies

HorseShit · 10-21-2005, 03:59 PM

that's the damn truth!

2HousePlague · 01-19-2006, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Happypeekers

hahahaha that was hillarious lol

you have the best energy --

Dean_DanzaBucks · 01-19-2006, 11:24 PM

Steve, I think we could go on tour across the country doing seminars with this...you in? LMAO!

Marshal · 01-20-2006, 07:32 AM

this one is great!

shwsrvcs · 05-07-2007, 02:35 PM

THis one is soooo true

Affiliate program = you give your best pickup lines to your buddy (free content), pay his way into the club (free hosting), and even buy all the drinks he wants (free hosted galleries), and let him fuck her at your house (your paysite)

DG

mikeyddddd · 05-07-2007, 03:35 PM

CuriousToyBoy · 05-07-2007, 04:57 PM

That was a great way to start the day.

Thanks Steve !!

;-)

g$$$ · 05-07-2007, 05:52 PM

this is the best post of the week..haha...too much time on ur hands..haha..keep up the funny posts

07-30-2005, 03:22 PM	#1
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Newbie Dictionary in layman's terms I put all these analogies together, in one handy Newbie Dictionary If getting laid was like selling memberships to pornsites.... Getting listed on a big tgp = going to a club Getting listed on the wrong tgp = accidentally going to a gay club Submitting a gallery = You're drunk as fuck and hoping the doorman lets you in Submitting a gallery with partner account = You're drunk as fuck and know the doorman, he might still not let you in. Paid gallery spot = You're drunk as fuck but the doorman owes you one. Blind traffic = Your friends set you up with a hot chick but she wasn't told you were fat so she leaves Email traffic = you ask everyone at the bar, even the oldest and ugliest women, and all the men, to fuck Search engine traffic = she hits on you first Members area traffic = she hits on you first, and she's not wearing any panties Typein traffic = you were the best fuck she ever had or she read YOUR number on the bathroom wall bookmarker = fuck buddy 2257 = she gets carded at the bar Getting a gallery view = making eye contact Getting a click through to the tour = talking to a hot girl Softcore tour = Walking around at the bar with a sock in your pants Hardcore tour = Walking around at the bar with your cock hanging out Popup hell = you are so drunk, you keep asking the same woman over and over, and wonder why you never get laid Closes the tour without a sale, pops exit console = She's not into you. Introduce her to your friends as a favor to them. Click through to the join page = she's interested Fills out the join form = she's partying back at your place Sale declined by bank = she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend Bank error = she forgot she was on her period Giving a complimentary password = fucking an ugly chick instead of your hand Using your own credit card to join, to test if everything is working = jerking off Making a trial sale = she gives you a hand job Making a full sale = getting laid Upsell = You get to use the poop chute too Getting a cross sell = she lets your friend fuck her too, now he owes you a 3some with his chick One-click crosssell = introducing her to your friend, while she's naked in your bed, before she cums Prechecked cross sell = all your friends fuck her after she passes out CCbill scrub = Ron is there handing out brochures about promiscuity and STDS Low CCbill scrub = Ron points out all the slutty chicks High CCbill scrub = Ron tells everyone you have VD CCbill and Epoch share the negative scrub list = all the infected chicks in the bar are clearly marked You have freaky, kinky, crazy, interracial sex = CCbill pays via Epassporte Good Conversions = Don't change your game, you keep getting laid Bad Conversions = Time for a new hairstyle and/or clothes 0:10,000 conversions = you have food in your teeth, wrong clothes, unzipped fly, bad hair, horrible acne, thick glasses, and toilet paper stuck to your shoe Getting your sale shaved by a sponsor = You fucked her but don't remember it Void = she fucks you, but won't let you cum Sale that cancels before first rebill = one night stand Cancellation discount = telling her if she stays, you'll let her cum first next time Failed Rebill = She wants you to call, but you lost her number Rebill = you fuck her again, but she doesn't really get much out of it Refund = she tells you that you are lousy in bed Chargeback = she tells everyone you know that you are lousy in bed or Refund = she wants to have sex, but only if she can fuck you with a strap on Chargeback = she's a tranny or Chargeback = you fuck her, but her boyfriend kicks the shit out of you later Surfer posts his password = you got VD Server crash after sale = you got Gonorrhea Permanent DDOS attack = you got Herpes Feds close you down for selling porn = you got AIDS scumware = you take her home and fuck her, but a few nights later you notice your closet door is cracked open, your drawers are ruffled through, and your credit cards are rearranged in your wallet Selling your member list = writing her phone number on the men?s room wall Emailing your ex-members = drunken midnight booty call Affiliate program = you give your best pickup lines to your buddy (free content), pay his way into the club (free hosting), and even buy all the drinks he wants (free hosted galleries), and let him fuck her at your house (your paysite) revshare = she gives you head while he's fucking her, every time pps = you get sloppy seconds, but she's yours after the first time Offering multi-site access = if she'll fuck you, you'll give her a car, a nice apartment, buy her clothes, pay off her debts, and give her extra spending money too Offering a limited trial = you let her taste and smell your dick to see if she likes it Hidden charges in the terms and conditions = date rape, or fucking her then stealing her wallet No cancellation button in members area = she's tied to your bed __________________ Abra-cadabra! Last edited by SteveLightspeed; 07-30-2005 at 03:23 PM..

07-30-2005, 03:55 PM	#7
Dagwolf President of Canada Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Leaving Hell, Entering Limbo Posts: 23,141	You obviously put a lot more thought into that post than I'm putting into this one. ;) __________________ Sleep well, and dream of large women.

07-30-2005, 03:57 PM	#8
2HousePlague CURATOR Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: the attic Posts: 14,572	thanks for the nice re-packaging, steve -- why don't ya string these together, put 'em on a page somewhere -- 2HP __________________ tada!

07-31-2005, 05:16 PM	#10
DirtyDanza Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: BP4L.... Las Vegas, Posts: 8,370	that fucking great and right onpoint __________________ AVN Nominated Camming Couple

07-31-2005, 05:25 PM	#11
HAPPYPEEKERS Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Margaritaville Posts: 7,562	hahahaha that was hillarious lol __________________ Please Read All Of My Posts In A Sarcastic Tone So You Get The Full Effect!! HappyPeekers - April

07-30-2005, 03:31 PM	#2
Machete_ WINNING! Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 14,579	ahahahhahahhahahah... can i use that on my site.. I'll put a link in the article to LS?

07-30-2005, 03:32 PM	#3
esnem Guest Posts: n/a	Good one Steve...if a newbie gets all those analogies, i don't know if i'd call them a newbie anymore I liked this one particularly: Chargeback = you fuck her, but her boyfriend kicks the shit out of you later

07-30-2005, 03:33 PM	#4
seeric .......... Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: .......... Posts: 41,917	thats creativity

07-30-2005, 03:51 PM	#6
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528

07-30-2005, 04:24 PM	#9
Why MFBA Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: PNW Posts: 7,230	long read, but a funny one

07-31-2005, 05:41 PM	#12
CybermedAndy Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Vancouver Posts: 4,170	Ha godDAMN that was funny __________________ Add some upsell items to your pages here!

07-31-2005, 05:43 PM	#13
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,949	Lol..those were funny __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

07-31-2005, 05:45 PM	#14
Nysus Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 7,817	Heh. That's great. It's not really a newbie dictionary for adult terms though, more of a comparison. Great comparisons though! Matt __________________ What name is pr0 / Untouched Markets using these days? Untouched Markets - pr0 - Refund My Money Now Someone owes me $2,000 because they didn't do any work that was paid for pointing at pr0 / William / UntouchedMarkets See https://gfy.com/fucking-around-and-business-discussion/948258-untouchedmarkets-pr0-refund-money-post16744521.html and for more detailed see https://gfy.com/fucking-around-and-business-discussion/948645-re-recent-bullshit-drama-explained-detail-pr0-untouched-markets.html

07-31-2005, 05:47 PM	#15
tristan_D Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 7,865	that was very funny. they are very useful. __________________ Increase your sales. Up to $4 per click.

07-31-2005, 05:51 PM	#16
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	Thanks. Still have so many things to learn.

07-31-2005, 06:03 PM	#17
69pornlinks Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Heranus Posts: 5,560	......... __________________ It IS what it IS

07-31-2005, 07:38 PM	#18
Matt Collins Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,060	This is too funny! Matt __________________ Check out Globally Translated!-Translate your sites and join the global economy! MattLaw -The law firm for webmasters and site owners! ICQ: 254-829-586 Who is this Matt guy? Check out the Ambush Interview

07-31-2005, 08:03 PM	#20
Pete-KT Workin With The Devil Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: West Bloomfield, MI Posts: 51,532	very nice steve

07-31-2005, 08:04 PM	#21
sniperwolf Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 17,743	Yahtzee!.. I love how your braic cells work man!.. Quite alot of reading but sure is worth the time.. hilarious stuff! __________________ ~Accepting design works~

07-31-2005, 08:10 PM	#22
Jayde Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: USA Posts: 108	OMG, that is too funny and very apt. I don't think newbies will get it though. __________________ Jayde http://www.hotindianbabe.com

07-31-2005, 10:24 PM	#24
Jayde Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: USA Posts: 108	You can't look it up, you have to live it and be screwed over and over to understand. Only baptism by fire on that stuff. __________________ Jayde http://www.hotindianbabe.com

07-31-2005, 10:38 PM	#25
BobG Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: San Diego Posts: 4,274	Clever Dude Alert!!!! Great thread.

07-31-2005, 10:50 PM	#26
PixeLs Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 11,922	Giving a complimentary password = fucking an ugly chick instead of your hand -I think I was once gulity of this. __________________ Make money on any traffic. Bi-weekly payments with no hold.

07-31-2005, 10:58 PM	#27
MichaelP Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: QWEBEC Corporate Office Posts: 7,124	great post Steve. Simply brillliant

07-31-2005, 11:05 PM	#28
Project-Shadow Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7,340	Props, it's 7am i'm half dead. But those still managed to get me laughing.. i'm in tears seriously

08-01-2005, 12:25 AM	#29
reed_4 Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 9,640	what a creative mind you have, very funny. thanks __________________

08-01-2005, 12:55 AM	#30
je_rome Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,846	hahaha! that's good stuff. i'll remember that. __________________ Make money on any traffic. Join KlikRevenue.com Today!

09-22-2005, 06:47 PM	#31
SFF11 Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 102	September bump

09-22-2005, 08:04 PM	#32
K R I S T E N Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 2,438	Steve...this is GREAT! Thanks for sharing...

09-22-2005, 09:50 PM	#33
d00t Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: In your mind Posts: 3,766	wow great read dude...

09-22-2005, 09:54 PM	#34
J-Reel Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Boneprone's guest house Posts: 3,782	Classic stuff __________________ Scheck out the new girls at www.hawtmoney.com ICQ 177-447-671

09-22-2005, 09:55 PM	#35
Easton Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 9,825	LMFAO! god that rocks! __________________ New models booked and shot every week... MILFs, pornstars and teens. Girls for every niche and project. Looking for high-quality affordable exclusive content? Check me out at Easton Content for all the details.

10-21-2005, 03:58 PM	#36
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	bump for the newbies __________________ Abra-cadabra!

10-21-2005, 03:59 PM	#37
HorseShit Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 17,513	that's the damn truth!

01-19-2006, 11:24 PM	#39
Dean_DanzaBucks Registered User Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 5	Steve, I think we could go on tour across the country doing seminars with this...you in? LMAO! __________________ Dean Danza ICQ:278833764 The brand new Operations Officer of the new & improved DanzaBucks family!