Newbie Dictionary in layman's terms
 

I put all these analogies together, in one handy Newbie Dictionary

If getting laid was like selling memberships to pornsites....


Getting listed on a big tgp = going to a club
Getting listed on the wrong tgp = accidentally going to a gay club
Submitting a gallery = You're drunk as fuck and hoping the doorman lets you in
Submitting a gallery with partner account = You're drunk as fuck and know the doorman, he might still not let you in.
Paid gallery spot = You're drunk as fuck but the doorman owes you one.

Blind traffic = Your friends set you up with a hot chick but she wasn't told you were fat so she leaves
Email traffic = you ask everyone at the bar, even the oldest and ugliest women, and all the men, to fuck
Search engine traffic = she hits on you first
Members area traffic = she hits on you first, and she's not wearing any panties
Typein traffic = you were the best fuck she ever had or she read YOUR number on the bathroom wall
bookmarker = fuck buddy
2257 = she gets carded at the bar

Getting a gallery view = making eye contact

Getting a click through to the tour = talking to a hot girl
Softcore tour = Walking around at the bar with a sock in your pants
Hardcore tour = Walking around at the bar with your cock hanging out

Popup hell = you are so drunk, you keep asking the same woman over and over, and wonder why you never get laid

Closes the tour without a sale, pops exit console = She's not into you. Introduce her to your friends as a favor to them.

Click through to the join page = she's interested

Fills out the join form = she's partying back at your place

Sale declined by bank = she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend

Bank error = she forgot she was on her period

Giving a complimentary password = fucking an ugly chick instead of your hand

Using your own credit card to join, to test if everything is working = jerking off

Making a trial sale = she gives you a hand job

Making a full sale = getting laid
Upsell = You get to use the poop chute too
Getting a cross sell = she lets your friend fuck her too, now he owes you a 3some with his chick
One-click crosssell = introducing her to your friend, while she's naked in your bed, before she cums
Prechecked cross sell = all your friends fuck her after she passes out

CCbill scrub = Ron is there handing out brochures about promiscuity and STDS
Low CCbill scrub = Ron points out all the slutty chicks
High CCbill scrub = Ron tells everyone you have VD

CCbill and Epoch share the negative scrub list = all the infected chicks in the bar are clearly marked

You have freaky, kinky, crazy, interracial sex = CCbill pays via Epassporte

Good Conversions = Don't change your game, you keep getting laid
Bad Conversions = Time for a new hairstyle and/or clothes
0:10,000 conversions = you have food in your teeth, wrong clothes, unzipped fly, bad hair, horrible acne, thick glasses, and toilet paper stuck to your shoe

Getting your sale shaved by a sponsor = You fucked her but don't remember it
Void = she fucks you, but won't let you cum

Sale that cancels before first rebill = one night stand

Cancellation discount = telling her if she stays, you'll let her cum first next time

Failed Rebill = She wants you to call, but you lost her number

Rebill = you fuck her again, but she doesn't really get much out of it

Refund = she tells you that you are lousy in bed
Chargeback = she tells everyone you know that you are lousy in bed

or

Refund = she wants to have sex, but only if she can fuck you with a strap on
Chargeback = she's a tranny
or
Chargeback = you fuck her, but her boyfriend kicks the shit out of you later

Surfer posts his password = you got VD
Server crash after sale = you got Gonorrhea
Permanent DDOS attack = you got Herpes
Feds close you down for selling porn = you got AIDS

scumware = you take her home and fuck her, but a few nights later you notice your closet door is cracked open, your drawers are ruffled through, and your credit cards are rearranged in your wallet

Selling your member list = writing her phone number on the men?s room wall
Emailing your ex-members = drunken midnight booty call

Affiliate program = you give your best pickup lines to your buddy (free content), pay his way into the club (free hosting), and even buy all the drinks he wants (free hosted galleries), and let him fuck her at your house (your paysite)

revshare = she gives you head while he's fucking her, every time
pps = you get sloppy seconds, but she's yours after the first time

Offering multi-site access = if she'll fuck you, you'll give her a car, a nice apartment, buy her clothes, pay off her debts, and give her extra spending money too
Offering a limited trial = you let her taste and smell your dick to see if she likes it

Hidden charges in the terms and conditions = date rape, or fucking her then stealing her wallet

No cancellation button in members area = she's tied to your bed

ahahahhahahhahahah... can i use that on my site.. I'll put a link in the article to LS?

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Good one Steve...if a newbie gets all those analogies, i don't know if i'd call them a newbie anymore :)

I liked this one particularly:
Chargeback = you fuck her, but her boyfriend kicks the shit out of you later

thats creativity

sure, glad you liked them

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

You obviously put a lot more thought into that post than I'm putting into this one. ;)

thanks for the nice re-packaging, steve -- :thumbsup

why don't ya string these together, put 'em on a page somewhere -- :winkwink:

2HP

long read, but a funny one

that fucking great and right onpoint

hahahaha that was hillarious lol

Ha godDAMN that was funny

:1orglaugh

Lol..those were funny

Heh. That's great. It's not really a newbie dictionary for adult terms though, more of a comparison. Great comparisons though! :)

Matt

that was very funny. they are very useful.

Thanks. Still have so many things to learn.

:1orglaugh .........

This is too funny!

Matt

You're not allowed to sign your name like that; I've reserved it. And be warned, don't use "Cheers, Matt" or any alternate, you'll be bullied into changing it by the assholes of the board.

Matt

very nice steve

Yahtzee!.. I love how your braic cells work man!.. Quite alot of reading but sure is worth the time.. hilarious stuff!

OMG, that is too funny and very apt. :1orglaugh
I don't think newbies will get it though.

I agree, there's a lot of terminology they could look up though if they wanted to get the humour in it. :)

Matt

You can't look it up, you have to live it and be screwed over and over to understand. Only baptism by fire on that stuff. :winkwink:

Clever Dude Alert!!!! Great thread.

Giving a complimentary password = fucking an ugly chick instead of your hand
-I think I was once gulity of this.

great post Steve. :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Simply brillliant :thumbsup

Props, it's 7am i'm half dead. But those still managed to get me laughing.. i'm in tears seriously :1orglaugh

what a creative mind you have, very funny. thanks

hahaha! that's good stuff. i'll remember that.

September bump :)

Steve...this is GREAT! Thanks for sharing...

wow great read dude...:)

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Classic stuff :thumbsup

LMFAO! god that rocks!

bump for the newbies

that's the damn truth!

you have the best energy -- :thumbsup

Steve, I think we could go on tour across the country doing seminars with this...you in? LMAO!

this one is great! :thumbsup

THis one is soooo true

Affiliate program = you give your best pickup lines to your buddy (free content), pay his way into the club (free hosting), and even buy all the drinks he wants (free hosted galleries), and let him fuck her at your house (your paysite)


DG

That was a great way to start the day.

Thanks Steve !!

;-)

this is the best post of the week..haha...too much time on ur hands..haha..keep up the funny posts