Offensive jokes - GoFuckYourself.com

Libertine · 05-14-2005, 01:21 PM

Post some

What's eight inches long and white?
Nothing.

What do call a Negro who has a regular job, sleeps in the same bed every night, and doesn't rape white women?
Inmate #64789

What do you say to a Mexican in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac and a Coke."

How do you know when it's time to go to bed at Michael Jackson's house?
The big hand is on the little hand.

Alex · 05-14-2005, 01:23 PM

Aren't jokes supposed to be funny?

LittleSassy · 05-14-2005, 01:24 PM

Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don't do dick.

DarkJedi · 05-14-2005, 01:26 PM

Libertine · 05-14-2005, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex

Aren't jokes supposed to be funny?

Nope. Where'd ya ever get that silly idea?

Net41 · 05-14-2005, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by punkworld

What do you say to a Mexican in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac and a Coke."

You're a fag essay

practiceTITOISM · 05-14-2005, 01:36 PM

Whats the last thing that went through the man's head on the 66th floor of the world trade center when the building collapsed?

The 67th floor

Alex · 05-14-2005, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Net41

You're a fag essay

Why did you call him a term paper?

practiceTITOISM · 05-14-2005, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex

Why did you call him a term paper?

Ok Pablo Francisco

Libertine · 05-14-2005, 01:41 PM

Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a £20. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

CDSmith · 05-14-2005, 01:49 PM

Mike and Bob had just finished the first nine holes in their round of golf, and it was obvious that Mike was having an awful day.

"Gee Mike, you're just not your old self today. What's the matter?" asked Bob.

Mike, looking pretty glum, said, "I think Connie's dead."

"My God! That's terrible," said Bob, "but you said you only THINK your wife is dead. Aren't you sure?"

"Well, I just don't know" responded Mike, "the sex is still the same, but the dishes are piling up."

www.jokesbee.com

Spunky · 05-14-2005, 01:53 PM

Those last 2 were funny

Libertine · 05-14-2005, 01:59 PM

A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out.

He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?"

She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil."

Libertine · 05-14-2005, 02:03 PM

A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"

His father says, "No...how old?"

He says, "I'm eleven!"

He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"

She says, "Come closer..."

She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.

She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."

He says, "How could you tell?"

She says, "I heard you tell your father."

escorpio · 05-14-2005, 02:04 PM

How do you make a dog stop humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck his dick.

What's the best thing about sex with twenty-nine year olds?
There's twenty of them.

Why did the blonde fuck the mexican?
Her teacher told her to do an essay.

buck naked · 05-14-2005, 02:06 PM

What's the definition of a true gentleman?
He lets his chick suck his cock BEFORE he fucks her in the ass.

Libertine · 05-14-2005, 02:07 PM

A man goes into a drugstore and says to the druggist, "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."

"Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist.

"Nah, she just lays there like her mother."

SteveLightspeed · 05-14-2005, 02:09 PM

Mommy, Mommy! What's a transvestite?
Shut up and unhook Daddy's bra.

Manowar · 05-14-2005, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lightspeed

Mommy, Mommy! What's a transvestite?
Shut up and unhook Daddy's bra.

Dalai lama · 05-14-2005, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lightspeed

Mommy, Mommy! What's a transvestite?
Shut up and unhook Daddy's bra.

Luc · 05-14-2005, 03:24 PM

michael jackson, a young boy, and a rabbi are on a plane.

suddenly, something happens and they have to jump off, but there are only
two parachutes.

the rabbi puts one on and so does jackson....

then jackson asks, "what about the boy?",
rabbi replies, "fuck him.."

jackson, "do we have enough time?"

jollyperv · 05-14-2005, 03:36 PM

What do you call 4 mexicans stuck in quicksand?

"Quatros Cincos"

sherie · 05-14-2005, 03:43 PM

You're hot!

Wiggles · 05-14-2005, 04:55 PM

offensive jokes are the funniest ones

Lee · 05-14-2005, 05:09 PM

Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

chipmunk · 05-14-2005, 05:30 PM

Check out http://www.laughline.com for 1000's of offensive and rude jokes...

-=Chipmunk=-

tranza · 05-14-2005, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleSassy

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

That's so fucking true....

Dopy · 05-14-2005, 05:38 PM

Offensive Classics

Why do blacks put their garbage out in clear plastic bags?
So mexicans can window shop

Why don't mexicans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.

What are the first 3 words in the Mexican national anthem?
"Attention K-Mart shoppers?

What are the first three words in every Mexican cookbook? "Steal a chicken"

Why is the Afghan air force so easy to train?
You only have to teach them how to take off!

Why do blacks smell
So blind people can hate them too

How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.

What do you call a black person in a courtroom
The accused

Why do they put cotton wool in pill bottles.
To remind black people of their past.

Libertine · 05-14-2005, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sherie

You're hot!

bluedevil · 05-14-2005, 06:48 PM

how many pollocks does it take to clean a bathroom?

none, its a N**g*rs job

CDSmith · 05-14-2005, 10:23 PM

Little Johnny walks into the bathroom, sees his mother coming out of the shower, points at her crotch and says "What's that?"
Mom thinking quickly says "That's where your daddy hit me with the axe"
"Pretty good shot, he got you right in the c.unt"

CDSmith · 05-14-2005, 10:37 PM

One Greek says to another, "Do you think you'll ever go back to Greece?"

"No," he answered, "I think I'll stick with K-Y Jelly"

CDSmith · 05-14-2005, 10:39 PM

Mrs Rhodes
Late one evening, the day after he had lost his wife scuba diving, two grim-faced policemen paid Mr. Rhodes a visit. "We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr Rhodes, but we have some information concerning your wife. Actually, we have some bad news, some pretty good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Obviously fearing the worst, Mr Rhodes asked for the bad news first.

"We're sorry to inform you, sir," the policeman said, "we found your wife's body in the San Francisco Bay this morning."
Oh, my God!" said a distraught Mr. Rhodes. Remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

"When we pulled her up," said the policeman, "she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen crabs on her."
"What?" a confused Mr Rhodes exclaimed. "So, what's the great news?"

As he smiled and smacked his lips, the officer replied, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

www.jokesbee.com

:D

LittleMack · 05-14-2005, 10:40 PM

Whats black and sits on the top of the stairs?

Christopher Reeves in a house fire!

Ya, I know, that is bad,

bringer · 05-14-2005, 10:42 PM

what did the black kid get for christmas?

my bike

How do you stop a mexican from drowning?

take your foot off his head

how do you get a racist to laugh on a sunday?

tell them a joke on friday

Vitasoy · 05-14-2005, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lightspeed

Mommy, Mommy! What's a transvestite?
Shut up and unhook Daddy's bra.

haha nice one. I love it.

LittleMack · 05-14-2005, 10:55 PM

Fucking funny shit here

CDSmith · 05-14-2005, 11:12 PM

I am the god.....

... of the truly tasteless. :D

CDSmith · 05-14-2005, 11:13 PM

gecko · 05-14-2005, 11:16 PM

some great ones

CDSmith · 05-14-2005, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dopy

What do you call a black person in a courtroom
The accused.

CDSmith · 05-15-2005, 11:35 PM

This thread is not ready to die yet.

kmanrox · 05-16-2005, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by punkworld

A man goes into a drugstore and says to the druggist, "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."

"Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist.

"Nah, she just lays there like her mother."

hahahahahaaahaa

thats fucked

Lt. Space Dingo · 05-16-2005, 12:08 AM

What's the worst part about killing children?

washing the blood out of my clown suit.

05-14-2005, 01:21 PM	#1
Libertine sex dwarf Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 17,860	Offensive jokes Post some What's eight inches long and white? Nothing. What do call a Negro who has a regular job, sleeps in the same bed every night, and doesn't rape white women? Inmate #64789 What do you say to a Mexican in uniform? "I'll have a Big Mac and a Coke." How do you know when it's time to go to bed at Michael Jackson's house? The big hand is on the little hand. __________________ /(bb\|[^b]{2})/

05-14-2005, 01:23 PM	#2
Alex So Fucking Banned (YEA!!) Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 10,963	Aren't jokes supposed to be funny? __________________ Care about me? Who? Me! Who?

05-14-2005, 01:41 PM	#10
Libertine sex dwarf Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 17,860	Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world". "Why is that?" said the other tramp. "Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a £20. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days." The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days." "Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?" "Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head." __________________ /(bb\|[^b]{2})/

05-14-2005, 01:49 PM	#11
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Mike and Bob had just finished the first nine holes in their round of golf, and it was obvious that Mike was having an awful day. "Gee Mike, you're just not your old self today. What's the matter?" asked Bob. Mike, looking pretty glum, said, "I think Connie's dead." "My God! That's terrible," said Bob, "but you said you only THINK your wife is dead. Aren't you sure?" "Well, I just don't know" responded Mike, "the sex is still the same, but the dishes are piling up." www.jokesbee.com __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

05-14-2005, 01:53 PM	#12
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,949	Those last 2 were funny __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

05-14-2005, 01:24 PM	#3
LittleSassy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: behind you Posts: 7,402	Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don't do dick.

05-14-2005, 01:26 PM	#4
DarkJedi No Refunds Issued. Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: GFY Posts: 28,300

05-14-2005, 01:36 PM	#7
practiceTITOISM Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 441	Whats the last thing that went through the man's head on the 66th floor of the world trade center when the building collapsed? The 67th floor

05-14-2005, 01:59 PM	#13
Libertine sex dwarf Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 17,860	A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out. He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?" She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil." __________________ /(bb\|[^b]{2})/

05-14-2005, 02:03 PM	#14
Libertine sex dwarf Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 17,860	A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?" His father says, "No...how old?" He says, "I'm eleven!" He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?" She says, "Come closer..." She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven." He says, "How could you tell?" She says, "I heard you tell your father." __________________ /(bb\|[^b]{2})/

05-14-2005, 02:04 PM	#15
escorpio I love to racism, bro! Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: USA! USA! USA! Posts: 23,197	How do you make a dog stop humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick. What's the best thing about sex with twenty-nine year olds? There's twenty of them. Why did the blonde fuck the mexican? Her teacher told her to do an essay. __________________ Unvaxxed, still alive.

05-14-2005, 02:06 PM	#16
buck naked Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 139	What's the definition of a true gentleman? He lets his chick suck his cock BEFORE he fucks her in the ass.

05-14-2005, 02:07 PM	#17
Libertine sex dwarf Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 17,860	A man goes into a drugstore and says to the druggist, "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter." "Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist. "Nah, she just lays there like her mother." __________________ /(bb\|[^b]{2})/

05-14-2005, 02:09 PM	#18
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Mommy, Mommy! What's a transvestite? Shut up and unhook Daddy's bra. __________________ Abra-cadabra!

05-14-2005, 03:24 PM	#21
Luc Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Houston Posts: 1,130	michael jackson, a young boy, and a rabbi are on a plane. suddenly, something happens and they have to jump off, but there are only two parachutes. the rabbi puts one on and so does jackson.... then jackson asks, "what about the boy?", rabbi replies, "fuck him.." jackson, "do we have enough time?"

05-14-2005, 03:36 PM	#22
jollyperv Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: NYC Posts: 3,927	What do you call 4 mexicans stuck in quicksand? "Quatros Cincos"

05-14-2005, 03:43 PM	#23
sherie Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 7,020	You're hot! __________________ AIM sherierocks ICQ 127-296-286 Skype traffichor

05-14-2005, 04:55 PM	#24
Wiggles Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 14,423	offensive jokes are the funniest ones __________________ no sig

05-14-2005, 05:09 PM	#25
Lee Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Kernow Posts: 2,977	Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken.

05-14-2005, 05:30 PM	#26
chipmunk Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: South Florida Posts: 1,039	Check out http://www.laughline.com for 1000's of offensive and rude jokes... -=Chipmunk=- __________________ Matthew "Chipmunk" Sclier Skype: ChipmunkLF AvenueLink.com Personal Loan Offers & Data Management

05-14-2005, 05:38 PM	#28
Dopy Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Puerto Del Carmen, Lanzarote, Canary Islands Posts: 1,572	Offensive Classics Why do blacks put their garbage out in clear plastic bags? So mexicans can window shop Why don't mexicans play hide and seek? Because no one will look for them. What are the first 3 words in the Mexican national anthem? "Attention K-Mart shoppers? What are the first three words in every Mexican cookbook? "Steal a chicken" Why is the Afghan air force so easy to train? You only have to teach them how to take off! Why do blacks smell So blind people can hate them too How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle? 54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray. What do you call a black person in a courtroom The accused Why do they put cotton wool in pill bottles. To remind black people of their past.

05-14-2005, 06:48 PM	#30
bluedevil Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: USA Posts: 2,093	how many pollocks does it take to clean a bathroom? none, its a N*grs job __________________ My top money maker

05-14-2005, 10:23 PM	#31
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Little Johnny walks into the bathroom, sees his mother coming out of the shower, points at her crotch and says "What's that?" Mom thinking quickly says "That's where your daddy hit me with the axe" "Pretty good shot, he got you right in the c.unt" __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

05-14-2005, 10:37 PM	#32
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	One Greek says to another, "Do you think you'll ever go back to Greece?" "No," he answered, "I think I'll stick with K-Y Jelly" __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

05-14-2005, 10:39 PM	#33
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Mrs Rhodes Late one evening, the day after he had lost his wife scuba diving, two grim-faced policemen paid Mr. Rhodes a visit. "We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr Rhodes, but we have some information concerning your wife. Actually, we have some bad news, some pretty good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?" Obviously fearing the worst, Mr Rhodes asked for the bad news first. "We're sorry to inform you, sir," the policeman said, "we found your wife's body in the San Francisco Bay this morning." Oh, my God!" said a distraught Mr. Rhodes. Remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "When we pulled her up," said the policeman, "she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen crabs on her." "What?" a confused Mr Rhodes exclaimed. "So, what's the great news?" As he smiled and smacked his lips, the officer replied, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow." www.jokesbee.com :D __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

05-14-2005, 10:40 PM	#34
LittleMack www.pornkings.com Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Florida Baby!! Posts: 4,645	Whats black and sits on the top of the stairs? Christopher Reeves in a house fire! Ya, I know, that is bad, __________________ [email protected]

05-14-2005, 10:42 PM	#35
bringer i have man boobies Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: van down by the river Posts: 13,082	what did the black kid get for christmas? my bike How do you stop a mexican from drowning? take your foot off his head how do you get a racist to laugh on a sunday? tell them a joke on friday __________________ 333-765-551

05-14-2005, 10:55 PM	#37
LittleMack www.pornkings.com Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Florida Baby!! Posts: 4,645	Fucking funny shit here __________________ [email protected]

05-14-2005, 11:12 PM	#38
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	I am the god..... ... of the truly tasteless. :D __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

05-14-2005, 11:13 PM	#39
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	__________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

05-14-2005, 11:16 PM	#40
gecko ****** Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 21,846	some great ones __________________ [email protected]

05-15-2005, 11:35 PM	#42
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	This thread is not ready to die yet. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

05-16-2005, 12:08 AM	#44
Lt. Space Dingo Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 165	What's the worst part about killing children? washing the blood out of my clown suit.