Irish Mob Initiation - Screenplay critiques!

[Xster]

I posted a link to this PDF file in another thread but it was off topic.

I'm meeting with an associate of MGM to discuss finance and budget for my original screenplay "Townies" next week. The script is about a bank robber/gangster named Mickey Callaghan who lives in Charlestown Boston amongst the Irish mafia.

In the screenplay there is a never before discussed or shown visually Irish Mob initiation. This scene happens around page 30 of the "full" 110 page script. If anyone would like to take a look and comment on it, I'd appreciate it! The dialogue needs a little choppin' up but other than that its a Final draft.
Slainte!

TOWNIES - IRISH MOB INITIATION - 8 PAGES
http://www.towniesmovie.com/townies.pdf

[MikeVega]

i think it was interesting but there was a few things that seemed over the top like the potato in the ear thing and the door bell being Danny boy .... just seems like it's trying everything to be Irish ... i will say i don't know many Irish mob guys but based on what i do know about the Italian Mob ... just seems like it tries to hard ... but Hollywood love over done things ..... best of luck and i hope to see it on the big screen some day ..

[Xster]

Originally Posted by mvega325

i think it was interesting but there was a few things that seemed over the top like the potato in the ear thing and the door bell being Danny boy .... just seems like it's trying everything to be Irish ... i will say i don't know many Irish mob guys but based on what i do know about the Italian Mob ... just seems like it tries to hard ... but Hollywood love over done things ..... best of luck and i hope to see it on the big screen some day ..

Thanks! The point of the screenplay is for people to vomit IRISH after they leave the theaters. The theatrical release date is set for Saint Patrick's day so all the Irish stuff in the film is there purely for entertainment. Thanks for the comments.