Quantas Airline - GoFuckYourself.com

jf2404 · 02-04-2005, 07:06 AM

After a flight the captain fills in a repair sheet saying what problems happened and the engineer tries to fix them and writes back a response.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

AdultMovies.bz · 02-04-2005, 07:12 AM

LMAO funny shit

Playful Me · 02-04-2005, 07:13 AM

Ahhh aussie humor

d00t · 02-04-2005, 07:29 AM

Perhaps it would be more fitting to replace "QANTAS" with the worlds worst commercial carrier instead of the worlds safest airline?

*mutters something about chinese airlines*

d00t · 02-04-2005, 07:44 AM

*sigh* ... another surfer...;(

jf2404 · 02-04-2005, 07:48 AM

thanks for the bump

02-04-2005, 07:06 AM	#1
jf2404 Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: U.K Posts: 657	Quantas Airline After a flight the captain fills in a repair sheet saying what problems happened and the engineer tries to fix them and writes back a response. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.) P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.

02-04-2005, 07:12 AM	#2
AdultMovies.bz Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Your Mum's House Posts: 1,036	LMAO funny shit __________________ $8.35 High-Usage Adult Hosting: 510GB Storage + 5010GB Bandwidth + SQL + SSL + Free Domain With Whois Privacy. Use this Coupon Code for extra 25GB Storage Space when you join: 25freegb

02-04-2005, 07:13 AM	#3
Playful Me Registered User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Boca Raton, FL Posts: 84	Ahhh aussie humor __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

02-04-2005, 07:29 AM	#4
d00t Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: In your mind Posts: 3,766	Perhaps it would be more fitting to replace "QANTAS" with the worlds worst commercial carrier instead of the worlds safest airline? mutters something about chinese airlines

02-04-2005, 07:44 AM	#5
d00t Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: In your mind Posts: 3,766	sigh ... another surfer...;(

02-04-2005, 07:48 AM	#6
jf2404 Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: U.K Posts: 657	thanks for the bump