Quantas Airline
 

After a flight the captain fills in a repair sheet saying what problems happened and the engineer tries to fix them and writes back a response.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.



By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)





P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

LMAO funny shit :)

Ahhh aussie humor

Perhaps it would be more fitting to replace "QANTAS" with the worlds worst commercial carrier instead of the worlds safest airline?

*mutters something about chinese airlines*

*sigh* ... another surfer...;(

thanks for the bump