| mGreg |
12-27-2004 12:04 AM |
Walking with my two friends down a road one night, one of them decideds to hawk the biggest fucking loogie ever onto the hood of a car speeding by at 45 miles per hour. The man in the car didn't think this was such a cool thing and proceded to lock up his brakes, throw it into reverse, and park the car across the street from us. My friend the spitter (A member of the middle school track team...) just said "shit" and hopped a guard rail and took off down a side street while me and my other friend laughed at him. Out of the car bursts a huge (hey, huge for us middle schoolers) guy and his girlfriend. The girl runs after the spitter, and the guy storms up to us and lifts me up by my shirt.
"What the FUCK do you think you are doing to my car?"
"Twasn't us, dickhead, it was our idiot friend Mike."
"You're going to show me where this Mike kid lives."
He drops me back down to Earth and walks me and my friend over to his car. His girlfriend comes back, Mikeless. I am stuck in the front seat next to Mungo, and my friend sits in the back with his woman. At this point I was hysterical. I thought for sure this maniac was going to take me back to his cave and toss me into a pit (a la Silence of the Lambs) and do strange things to me. But I just give him directions to Mike's house and on the way he talks a bit.
"I am affiliated with law enforcement agencies, and your friend could get into a lot of trouble"
"He's a Target security guard" the girl in the back seat says, holding up the beast's uniform for proof.
"I try to make my car look as much like a cop car as possible," Mungo announces to no one in particular. I stifle a horrified grin and point out the turn to get to Mike's house.
We get to Mike's and Mungo explains, very civilly, the situation to Mike's mom. I tell her that Mike probably ran off to our buddy Richard's house, so she calls over there. Five minutes later Mike pulls up in Richard's mom's car.
"You guys suck"
"We're not going to take the blame for your fuckup, fuckup."
"Son," says Mungo, who could not have been 10 years older than Mike, "you could have seriously damaged the paint-job on my car. I have your phone number and your mom says that any damages will be taken out of your allowance."
"Apologize, Michael."
"I'm sorry."
Then me and my other friend walk back down the road, get to our destination, and say "fuck"
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