SteveLightspeed

mark (08:40 PM) :
what other excuses can you come up with?

Steve Lightspeed (08:41 PM) :
Dude, I'm fading fast, I haven't adjusted from philippine time -- its like 6am to me

I haven't even got dressed today, I'm sick, I have work to do, I have a headache, and I haven't eaten. I have sore feet, diarreha, and a cold at the same time. So I'm not fast enough to keep myself from shitting my pants everytime I sneeze.

I have malaria, tubuculosis, and maybe gonorrhea too -- oh, and a watery eyeball. And my ears are plugged up, I can only hear for a short time after I sneeze and shit myself.


Help me out, I need more excuses! Lets hear your best!

Steve Lightspeed

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Abra-cadabra!

Spunky

I have hemmoroids so I can't sit down

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fusionx

god I love the phillipines....

Juicy D. Links

tell em you got a rash on your nutsack and are applying ointment to it.

Nicky

Here is someone speaking out of experience

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Tanker

when you went into the bathroom someone lubed thefloor and you shit all over yourself after you slipped and fell

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Tanker
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Niko Bimini

I used this one recently.................."Im sorry we really didn't know she would over shoot the bed and put a huge hole in the wall with her foot. Im really sorry, it will never happen again!"

"Send the bill to Steve LightSpeed......................."

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Wolfy

I was masturbating in the shower, my hand slipped off and slammed into the wall so hard I broke my wrist.


true story.

SCOOTER

I could only think of a few ... hope they help ..











1. Sorry dear but my lower back is still really bothering me and I don't think that I can perform very well tonight.


2. I'm tired, your small. goodnight.


3. Dear I am sorry we cant make love tonite because we just did it last week.


4. "Mikveh strike!!"


5. The guy I'm with now told me less than two weeks before we started sleeping together (we've been together for over a year) that he wouldn't sleep with me because the last time he got drunk God told him not to... that he should be "looking for love not lust". Well, now love there is and lust there is and God gets the shaft


6. It's that time of the month dear, but let's go ahead anyway.


7. Sorry honey we can't have sex tonight I have my period.


8. I have a yeast infection.


9. My doctor said I shouldn't until I have the lumps removed.


10. Sorry honey, I hate having sex with you.


11. Well... OK! It's probably not contagious, anyway.


12. I'm psychically linked to my brother, if you do me you're do him too.


13. I'd rather shoot myself, thank you.


14. It's too late/early in the year for sex.


15. No. I don't care much for you physically.


16. Not again, we've done it already this year!!!!!


17. Why? You forgot the diamond you promised me for my birthday last month.


18. You know your mother is asleep in the next room.


19. What do you mean you haven't never heard about crabs?????


20. Not now honey the dog is watchin!


21. I'm sorry dear my penis is still green from last night!


22. Not tonight dear,.... my jaw aches.


23. I can't have sex with you tonight because my feet smell.


24. I cant have sex because I think I may hurt your belly button.


25. If I agree to have sex with you I have to be on top because I am scared that you shall crush me!


26. I forgot to take the pill, and if we have sex I might get pregnant.


27. Now that we are married, and I am part of the family... that would be incest.


28. Sorry Honey But its Illegal to have sex with a family member.


29. "Honey, I'm horney!" "No, shut up and go to sleep!!!"


30. I just pooped!


31. I've haven't fully recovered from doing it with your brother/sister earlier today.


32. Honey, my ass still hurts from last night's sex.


33. You refused to wash dishes tonight, that just pushes me away from you.


34. But you look so much like your sister!


35. Your ugly!


36. The planets are not alined right tonight!


37. I have not showered.


38. You have not showered.


39. But I will have sex with you, after I deal with my sleep fetish.


40. But I'm urging to stay a virgin.


41. I already got you a Birthday/Christmas/Anniversary present.


42. I masturbated twice today, sorry catch me tomorrow.


43. I lost a leg in 'nam.


44. I'm cut....;)


45. Football's on this Sunday, I got to get in the mindset.


46. Sorry honey, I'm not in the mood for fish tonight.


47. I saw Jesus and he told me that if we have sex tonite we shall be doomed forever. Do you really want to put that kind of responsibility on me?


48. "You look like a truck!"


49. I respect you to much to make love to you.


50. I'm to drunk to do it.


51. Sorry not tonight dear! The kids are still awake, and in the next room.


52. I have a serious migraine!


53. Not now ! My movie is on TV.


54. You just had 3 times .... that's enough for the week!


55. The best one I've personally been on the receiving end of, for not having sex was. I can't I have a splinter in my thumb.


56. Sorry honey, My lover is so much bigger than you that I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to feel it!


57. I can't have sex with you because I think it causes your severe menstrual pain.


58. Sex is not my number one concern.


59. People are starving and you want sex!!!!!


60. Not now, Honey, it's still light outside!


61. Sorry, the porno video is all screwed up, I told you we shouldn't have used it so much!!


62. Well, yesterday was fun, but I have no more batteries for the dildo.


63. I've decided that my sexuality was becoming a hindrance to my spiritual progress... therefore I have decided to fore-go all sexual activity for... 6 months. There is nothing they can say.... just Uh.... okay?


64. I don't like sex anymore.


65. You don't please me.


66. My friend girl said that's why my behind is getting bigger, so no more for a while.


67. God understands, why you don't need any tonight.


68. I have crabs!


69. This is not an excuse, more like a counter-measure. My wife had refused me sex for about a month's time and I was creeping up the walls. We were both around 25 and married for just a year. There was nothing medically wrong with my wife, but she nevertheless had a million excuses. I saw before me a lonely life with a lot of solo masturbation, despite having a wife. When I finally couldn't take it anymore I threatened with this, and it worked: "If it's such a God damn pain for you to lay on your back and play dead for 20 minutes, then I won't be the one to pressure you. I will go out and find someone who WILL have sex with me instead!" Later that same evening she finally gave me some. I think that every guy in the world should do the same if in the same situation. And you must mean it.


70. I was fighting an asthma attack, and my hubby wanted some. I told him, sorry honey, I can't breathe!


71. Sorry honey, sweetums may have a bad dream and walk in on us, then it really would be his worst nightmare!


72. Not today hunny you tore me up last night.


73. But it isn't Saturday!


74. We can't have sex because it hurts when I think about it. Now go to SLEEP!


75. My Husband has not shaved for a week or almost a week and his face feels rough when he is cuddling me.


76. You can't make it up to me with sex because you forgot my birthday!


77. We Can't do it because my mom is coming over for dinner and I haven't even started THAT yet, and I will be to tired afterwards.


78. I can't have sex with you because I am already having sex with 12 other guys, so tata you are the weakest link.


79. Your too drunk, so I'm gonna pass out!!!!!!!!!!


80. "At that time I was all the things he said I was. I was fat, big. I was not going to have a good time having a sexual relations [sic] with a man who thought that." [Testimony in divorce case: Norma Gerard v. Ronald Gerard, Sup. Ct., Richmond Co., Index No. 5610/2002, reported in New York Law Journal, 5 April 2004, p. 19, col. 1(Sup. Ct. Richmond Co.).].


81. I've got a headache. I've got one in my stomach too.


82. But we already had sex. Why do you keep forgetting these things after having sex with me? Maybe we should see a doctor tomorrow.


83. I don?t want to do it because it?s sin, since we are not yet married.

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Scooter
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Nasty D

Scooter took all the good ones

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Pimp Mandy Mayhem, Tabatha Sweet, Kristi Montana and Lexy Lohan @ Hawt Money

Shoehorn!

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Rochard

That bastard.

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Nasty D

21. I'm sorry dear my penis is still green from last night!

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Pimp Mandy Mayhem, Tabatha Sweet, Kristi Montana and Lexy Lohan @ Hawt Money

Lykos

The best one,lol

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newbreed

The sun is in my eyes

I have a flat tire

I'm out of gas

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Loryn ‎(3:16 PM):
I love it, just as long as we keep the bedroom door closed from all ears then we can have throw down hard core sex that makes us money haha
fuck it we can have sex on money never did that before

SleazyDream

fix the problem - no excuse necessary

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