Id be calling the cops and getting a restraining order.

Look, dude. Get over it. Take a month off, dont talk to her, dont call her or leave notes or anything. After you have coooled off, reevaluate things. Do you really want a girl that would leave you like she did? Was the fighting over stress, or other issues?

My ex broke up with me last month. The one that I thought was THE ONE, until I realized that things were only good for a few months, and the last month had been crap, I wouldnt want to deal with that the rest of my life. Yes, we still care about each other, but that doesnt mean we have to date. If I acted like you, 1)id still be in my depressed state, and 2) probably gotten my ass kicked by now for stalking.

CHILL OUT! Dont stalk the girl, if she wants you back, she will come back to you. She Wont come back to you if you act obsessive and stalkish towards her.

the girl wasn't happy with her previous relationship so she used you to rebound on... i'd move on... happens to me all the time... lesson to learn... don't date anyone that in a relationship or just coming out of a relationship...

:2 cents:

never, EVER, date a girl and develop feelings for her when she doesn't even have enough decency to end the relationship she's already in.

people seem to be so brain dead when it comes to things like this. if you aren't happy enough in a relationship, to where you would actually even think about the idea of being with someone else, you should end it. not do something so horrible like cheating on someone for a fucking period of 8 months.

what does that tell you about her values and her character in general? the instant you found out she was with someone else and she wanted to do so something with you beyond that of friendship, you should have ended it right there until she does what is right and ended her current relationship.

and about buying her everything, don't do it dude. when you have yourself a new girl, don't pamper her with every gift. i know it's probably hard not to when you have the money, but see how the relationship goes for a year if you just get her things on her birthday, christmas and valentines day. if she gets upset, drop her fucking ass. because material possessions should not be a source of happiness in a relationship.

now -- you're going to feel like shit for the months to come, and you're going to analyze, re-analyze, and ANALYZE everything even more. hindsite 20/20 bud. and eventually as time progresses, you're going to see that she wasn't such the sweetheart you made her out to be. right now your mind is blinding your logic - it has been used to a precense and now it's not there, it's about readapting, just takes time to transition from your environment with her, to an environment without her.

Good advice right there, and I learned it first-hand back in the mid-90's for sure. Luckily though, I had the forsight to tell her "look, I like you an aweful lot, but you're going to have to end it with your boyfriend first before we continue this".... and I meant it.

But it still didn't work out. Two years later she was cheating on me.



I'll make a few more points and try to keep them simple here:

If the girl leaves you because you hurt her, and as Tootie says if she still cares about you but YOU were the one who fucked up, then you do the following....

1) You make sure she knows how sorry you are. Sending roses and all is fine if that's what you want to do, but try telling her too, and the best way I know of to do that is to write her a letter. You get to say things exactly the way they need to be said in a letter, and a letter can't be interrupted like what can happen when talking.

2) After you've made your feelings clear, I mean really clear.... you don't keep badgering the girl. If she has said "thanks but no thanks" to you a few times, you simply back right off and play the waiting game. Don't call her, don't stalk her, and definitely don't make yourself so available to her if she happens to call. Don't be a doormat, but don't be a "out drinking all the time screwing every woman in sight slut" either.



BUT if she left because she's dicking your head around and doesn't know what she wants etc.....

1) You've probably already made your feelings known to her, probably already told her you don't want her to leave, so no sense doing that over and over. Don't do it.

2) Don't call her, don't stalk her, if she calls you don't be a doormat. It is okay to make this type of girl wonder what you're up to and if she made a huge mistake. In other words, don't sit by the phone crying like a lil schoolgirl about it. As hard as it is, get out with friends and at least try to keep yourself occupied... and if she does call, let her talk to mr answering machine for a change. After all, SHE left YOU, not the other way around. Letting a girl know (think) that she might lose you completely to another woman is the way to go in this scenario.



If, in either case, she doesn't come back at all, then you move on and meet someone else eventually. Not right away, give yourself time to get over it. Then move the hell on. Don't be an asshole, don't go over and beat up her new boyfriend, don't take it upon yourself to try and force her into loving you like so many idiot guys try to do.

Don't sleep in her yard. If you do, you need a huge "L" stamped on your forehead.

I might have to disagree a bit with CDSmith there, about "what to do" and "what not to do"...

Although the advice is good sound reasonable advice, you should never restrict your feelings and try to act one way when you're feeling another way. If you're fucking insane over her, let her KNOW IT! Let it out, there is NEVER ANYTHING WRONG with being YOU.

The idea that you "should" be a certain is what ultimately makes most relationships fail. Relationships usually always begin with guys trying to be the most "presentable" which is fine, but it is exaggerated to the point where they almost become a different person. So the girl likes this "fake" guy, and once she begins to know him truly, it ends!

Save yourself time and energy, let things happen naturally. So what if you look like a cowardly annoying loser, it's your feelings right?

And whether or not she gets completely turned off by it, or falls "back in love" with you -- it does not matter. The only thing that matters is that you were you and you let her know how you felt, that's the only thing that you can do in this situation.

If she doesn't come back to you, it's not because of "how you acted" (unless you do something retarded like beat people up she's with, act within reason of course), it's because she really doesn't have any feelings for you. In that case, put on your hat and go home. Deal with it and you'll be fine in time.

Best of luck to you Mandy. I'm in a similar situation and hope that she'll come around eventually.

I did say to let her know what you're feeling, so I hope you didn't misread or miss that part of my post. Maybe read it again, because it's there. Of course you should let her know how you feel. But if you really want her back, all I'm saying is that you shouldn't keep on badgering the girl with it. Your inner tendancy is going to be to want to go after her and chase her down etc.... that usually only works in movies.

People don't always have to follow their compulsive inner urges. (If we did there would be a lot more murders, certainly) A modicum of self-control is often called for in these situations. Letting her know in no uncertain terms how you feel is a good thing, yes, but acting like a complete fucking selfish tool and stalking the girl... isn't.

Self control.

More people should try it.

I've seen so many guys in similar situations to this it's pathetic..... and many if not most of them have acted like selfish jerks only caring about their own feelings and needs rather than thinking about her feelings and what might be in her best interest.

Conversely, I've also seen many girls treat guys like shit and drag their hearts through the mud, playing on their emotions, dicking them around with unending headgames. Again, pathetic.

The solutions I've outlined above aren't the end-all be-all answers to these problems, but I've found that they are often the best course of action when all available choices pretty much suck ass.

Work more on your shits ! Go out with friends! Forget her!

UPDATE:

WTF! The girl went back with the boyfriend who cheated for 8 straight months, miserably, with me! I mean, this is possible? What respect whatsoever she has for him? She cheated him with no remorse at all like i never saw before, not even in movies. Her family know, her friends know... you think they can be together for long? She told me they never stop loving each other and bla bla bla... could be possible?

The ironic thing is the guy dont have a clue about what she did to him.