KRL

My mother is hitting her 70's and our relationship is on the skids. I just can't talk to her without her living in the past all the time. When my father died 17 years ago it was like time stopped for her and she's never gotten over it.

She still has all his suits hanging in the closet like he's coming back again. Its fucking nutzo.

She lives by herself on a nice estate up in Philly, has everything she needs, but won't travel at all because she became afraid of getting on an airplane again after 9/11, and is seeing less and less of her friends. She's in good health but her mind seems so out of touch with the present.

Every year its more difficult to deal with her and I'm really starting to think she's going senile.

Any suggestions or anyone have this type of situation they deal with?

Juicy D. Links

Nah but my mom is going cookoo after the divorce beef and shit.

KRL

Yeh, when my father died of a heart attack they were in the middle of a divorce situation and he was all stressed out over it. So I think she harbored a lot of guilt over his death.

Juicy D. Links

Nah i meant like she is really fucked up mentally and shit...

Kinda like go see a shrink type deal.

She thinks myself and my two brothers teamed up with my father in this crusade against her. cookoo cookoo

KRL

LOL, I went through the same bullshit back then bro. My mom would be livid at me when she would ask who's side are you on and I would say no one's side.

My dad played around alot during their marriage cause he was up in NYC so much during the week and had a place up there too.

After 30 years of marriage she decided she'd had enough of his antics.

So she felt all the kids should side with her. It was fucked up.

When he died I called her and said great mom now you fucking killed him are you fucking happy?

She didn't talk to me again for about 6 months after that.

Peaches

My mother has always been a nutcase so we all just ignore her now

But I'm seeing it with my Dad as he gets older. He's an extremely sharp man and at 68 still does consulting work and teaches classes at the local university. But I see his short term memory starting to go. Little things that probably people who don't know him well don't even notice. But I'm just so used to him remembering everything it freaks me out.

I'm trying to get him to tell me as many "old stories" as he can now so I can get them in writing and pass them down and thankfully those he remembers and even more important, he loves telling them.

His driving is starting to scare me too as he has a sports car and his reactions just aren't as good as they used to be. Thankfully my stepmother is picking up on this and offers to drive most of the time. I still constantly worry about it though.

His Mom had Alzheimers and I've heard it's hereditary so I may be a little paranoid and picking up on things that are minor and I see as major - who knows.

Best thing I can suggest to be sure she has all her legal affairs in order, living will, possible POA for you, try to get her to discuss what she would prefer if she gets to the point where she can't take care of herself, etc. I wouldn't stress too much about your Dad's stuff being there - it's a comfort thing for her I suspect.

And be sure to tell her you love her every time you to her and do what you can to end each time on a good note and not a bad one - it will make things easier on her and easier on yourself if the time should come when you can no longer correspond with her for whatever reason.

Doctor Dre

I don't think you can do anything much for her man... it's hard to change when you are old

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graphicsbytia

maybe a word to her doctor about your concerns would be a good idea?

Corona

A couple of my grandparents have had mental problems as they got older.

My grandmother got alzheimers and died a few years ago. This is the worst way in the world to go out.

My grandfather is 96 and has zero short term memory. You got to tell him what day it is about every 5 minutes. But the suff that happened long ago he has perfect memory of. Weird.

There is a whole range of dementia so it would be a good idea for her to see a doctor, if she is willing to do so.

If not, I don't really think there is much you can do until it gets to the point that she can't care for herself and has to have a guardian appointed.

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Marcus

Is she Italian? Old Italian women are like that. They spend the rest of their lives dressed in black and in mourning.

KRL

LOL, yep.

irishfury

Its very hard after my grandma started to get into that stages was the time when she gave up the will to live. It was very hard seeing she raised me since I was five. All I can recommend is be there to the end even if it's tuff you will be glad for those last moments no matter what they entail.

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Mutt

my mom was an idiot when she was 40 and she's still an idiot in her 70's. it is hard to see her get old tho, alot of the stuff that i used to take her to task for i just let it pass. it would have been good for me to come to some understanding with her before either she or I leave this planet but that ain't in the cards. real life isn't usually like the movies.

actually, some movies are very good when it comes to portraying dealing with aging parents - the Tom Hanks Jackie Gleason movie, forget the title now, was very real.

my Dad died 6 years ago, and as much as i miss him and wish he was here the one tiny benefit is that I never saw my Dad deteriorate, he was still working, still getting up every day putting on his suit and tie, still running around , still checkin out the babes.

there is a point where people really do live too long.

nice quiet heart attack during your sleep at about 80 is perfect.

Fukeneh

my grandmother is in her 80s and she is way out of touch, she always calls me larry, which is not my name, it is her nephew i believe that is long since dead. my grandfather is still alive, he takes care of her but you can tell its eating at him. sometimes he is very short with her because she asks the same things over and over(what day of the week is it? etc). she also freaks out sometimes and cooks big meals thinking she has company coming, and other times she just cooks crazy stuff that should not have been cooked.

its a sad process to watch.

EviLGuY

I think my mom is starting to get Alzheimers. She is getting really forgetful.. and it runs in my family.

Triple 6

that sucks.

it sucks more that as we get old we get crazy and stupid, and only the few of us remain sharp

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Corona

If I think I'm getting Alzheimers I'm going to do myself in. After what I saw my grandmother go through, and my mother trying to take care of her, there is no way I will go through that or put my family through it.

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sandman!

My 94 year old grama died a few months ago was sharp till the last year or 2 hard to deal with

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titmowse

both my folks died a couple months before they each turned 65. i miss them terribly but i'm also relieved i don't have to see them turn to crap.

sorry about your mom. just be there and be true.

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