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More funny stuff please! This thread kept me busy for hours last night :1orglaugh
Lots of hilarious stuff in here. |
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A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me."
The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine" |
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so." "Well, then could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so." "Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break." I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!" So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?" She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either sleep with him or bake him a cake." He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "Hellooooo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?" |
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Well, Happy Belated B-day mate.
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:thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup :1orglaugh :1orglaugh
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happy Bday Acid! you rock dude :thumbsup
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This thread is going straight to my bookmarks
:thumbsup |
I know it's an oldie but I really love this one:
http://malisi.de/Herby'sHome/junk_tr...rses/bombe.jpg |
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Quote:
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A woman walks into an appliance store and tells a salesman she wants to buy this particular tv. The salesman says sorry we dont sell to blondes. She gets all indignant and walks out. A few days later she decides shes gonna show the sales man and besides REALLY wants that tv. So she puts on a dark wig and glasses and goes back to the store. She tells the salesman she wants to buy that tv, and again he says, sorry we dont sell to blondes. By this time shes really desperate and needs a tv, so a week or so later, she gets her hair color changed to black, changes her contact color to brown and puts on a really crappy looking dress and granny boots and goes back. She tells the salesman she wants to buy that tv, and again he says sorry we dont sell to blondes. The lady starts crying and making a scene. Te manager comes over and asks what the problem is. She tells him that the salesman wont sell her that tv cause shes a blonde. The managers says, "Lady thats a microwave."
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Lol, i found a pic from our police. The pic was taken about 2km near my home :)
http://www.pimpvision.com/temp/funny/13.jpg |
There was once a kid who overheard his parents screwing. His father told his mother,"Oh, you have such nice big titties!"
His mother told his father,"Oh, you have such a big, long cock!" He asked his dad what titties and cocks were. His dad Told him,"Titties are big hats that women wear, and cocks are big long coats that men wear." The next day, he overhears his parents arguing. His dad calls his mom a bitch and his mom calls his dad a bastard. He asks his mom what a bitch and bastard are. His mom tells him,"Well, a bitch is a woman and a bastard is a man." It's the night of the thanksgiving dinner. He walks by the bathroom while his dad is shaving. His dad cuts himself and says,"Shit!" He asks what shit is. "Oh, it's just this stuff I'm getting off my face now." He then walks into the kitchen, where his mom is stuffing the turkey. She slices her finger with a knife and says,"Fuck!" He asks what fuck is. She tells him,"It's what I'm putting in the turkey." The guests arrive,and the kid wants to show off His new vocabulary. "Hi, there, bitches and bastards. Allow me to take your titties and cocks and hang them up for you. My daddy's in the batroom wiping the shit off his face and my mommy's in the kitchen fucking the turkey." |
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