If life was fair to men.... - GoFuckYourself.com

SteveLightspeed · 07-25-2004, 11:10 PM

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a 'cheers for the sex - now f*** off' would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

5. The only show opposite 'Monday Night Football' would be 'Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.'

6. Instead of 'beer-belly,' you'd get 'beer-biceps.'

7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example -
Cop: 'You know how fast you were
going?'
You: 'All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.'
Cop: Nice one, that's $20 off.'

10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

11. Every man would get four, real 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards per year.

12. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

13. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.

14. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to 'I love you.'

15. The funniest guy in the office would get to be the CEO.

16. 'Sorry, but I got wasted last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.

17. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the public ugliness ordinance.

18. Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards.

19. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.

20. 'Fancy a shag' would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.

21. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.

22. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and $2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.

23. Saying 'Let's have a threesome. You, me and your sister' to your wife/girlfriend would get the response, 'What a great idea!'

24. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.

25. Everyone would have real a Light Sabre and any disagreements would be settled by a fight to the death.

26. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

27. Along with your milk in the morning, the milkman would deliver two Swedish milk maids.

28. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone

29. "Yes" would be an acceptable answer to a woman's question of "Does my bum look big in this?"

FlyingIguana · 07-25-2004, 11:16 PM

Huggles · 07-25-2004, 11:16 PM

20. 'Fancy a shag' would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.

Hahahahahahahaha

keyboard warrior · 07-25-2004, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lightspeed
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a 'cheers for the sex - now f*** off' would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

5. The only show opposite 'Monday Night Football' would be 'Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.'

6. Instead of 'beer-belly,' you'd get 'beer-biceps.'

7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example -
Cop: 'You know how fast you were
going?'
You: 'All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.'
Cop: Nice one, that's $20 off.'

10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

11. Every man would get four, real 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards per year.

12. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

13. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.

14. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to 'I love you.'

15. The funniest guy in the office would get to be the CEO.

16. 'Sorry, but I got wasted last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.

17. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the public ugliness ordinance.

18. Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards.

19. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.

20. 'Fancy a shag' would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.

21. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.

22. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and $2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.

23. Saying 'Let's have a threesome. You, me and your sister' to your wife/girlfriend would get the response, 'What a great idea!'

24. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.

25. Everyone would have real a Light Sabre and any disagreements would be settled by a fight to the death.

26. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

27. Along with your milk in the morning, the milkman would deliver two Swedish milk maids.

28. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone

29. "Yes" would be an acceptable answer to a woman's question of "Does my bum look big in this?"

DUDE ARE YOU FUCKING BOARD ? THAT IS WAY TO MUCH SHIT TO READ, YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO WORK.

FlyingIguana · 07-25-2004, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by keyboard warrior
DUDE ARE YOU FUCKING BOARD ? THAT IS WAY TO MUCH SHIT TO READ, YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO WORK.

who the fuck let you out of the aol chatroom?

RedShoe · 07-25-2004, 11:22 PM

If life was fair to homos ....

DUDE ARE YOU FUCKING BOARD ? THAT IS WAY TO MUCH SHIT TO READ, YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO WORK.

...wouldn't make you sound like a whiney bitch.

SteveLightspeed · 07-25-2004, 11:23 PM

My personal favorite:

28. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone

I could add

"Just be careful that the giant plate of ribs you ordered at the drive-in doesn't tip over your car."

kristin · 07-25-2004, 11:23 PM

Quote:

7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
27. Along with your milk in the morning, the milkman would deliver two Swedish milk maids.

These two are my favorite!

austinth · 07-25-2004, 11:25 PM

fatal attraction · 07-25-2004, 11:35 PM

detoxed · 07-25-2004, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lightspeed
24. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.

28. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone

fuzebox · 07-25-2004, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lightspeed
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager

reynold · 07-26-2004, 12:09 AM

'Sorry, but I got wasted last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.

yeah...if only...

fr33s3x · 07-26-2004, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lightspeed
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a 'cheers for the sex - now f*** off' would pretty much do it.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example -
Cop: 'You know how fast you were
going?'
You: 'All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.'
Cop: Nice one, that's $20 off.'

18. Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards.

hahaha great

thumbsdepot · 07-26-2004, 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lightspeed
If life was fair to men....

Every guy would be named Steve Lightspeed and they would get to hang out with the girls of Lightspeed Cash.

pimplink · 07-26-2004, 12:24 AM

That is quite hilarious

Ecstasy Glass · 07-26-2004, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RedShoe
If life was fair to homos ....

DUDE ARE YOU FUCKING BOARD ? THAT IS WAY TO MUCH SHIT TO READ, YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO WORK.

...wouldn't make you sound like a whiney bitch.

ZanyCash Larry · 07-26-2004, 01:17 PM

Amen Brother

baddog · 07-26-2004, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by thumbsdepot
Every guy would be named Steve Lightspeed and they would get to hang out with the girls of Lightspeed Cash.

no kidding

Jakke PNG · 07-26-2004, 01:37 PM

I would like to add:

- Wearing nothing but a pair of boxershorts would be acceptable behaviour for every occasion.

- When girlfriends/wifes friends or parents came over one could just watch tv in the other room, wear boxer shorts and eat junkfood without being the object of critique.

okny · 07-26-2004, 01:39 PM

There is a few funny once, the cop one wasn't bad

jm_247live · 07-26-2004, 01:39 PM

Lol...nice

EviLGuY · 07-26-2004, 01:41 PM

Who doesn't want to drive a tank? Damn that was my boyhood dream.

cayne · 07-26-2004, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lightspeed
12. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

Awesome list!

Phoenix · 07-26-2004, 01:45 PM

nice stuff man..i had a good laugh

Gunni · 07-26-2004, 02:00 PM

hahahaha, funny stuff!!

It would also be cool if you could just take a stroll down to the nearest military airbase and get a pilot to take you on a crazy ride!!

Monique Niccole · 07-26-2004, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lightspeed
16. 'Sorry, but I got wasted last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.

you mean this isn't an acceptable excuse?

Quote:

Originally posted by Lightspeed

25. Everyone would have real a Light Sabre and any disagreements would be settled by a fight to the death.

hehe...perfect. Do girls get one too?

CDSmith · 07-26-2004, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lightspeed
10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

No comprende thees wan senior.

Daisy dukes went out of style when saywhatnow?

jwerd · 07-26-2004, 02:12 PM

rofl priceless

Manowar · 07-26-2004, 02:12 PM

awesome

Raf1 · 07-26-2004, 02:54 PM

funny stuff

07-25-2004, 11:10 PM	#1
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	If life was fair to men.... 1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a 'cheers for the sex - now f*** off' would pretty much do it. 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager. 3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years. 4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking. 5. The only show opposite 'Monday Night Football' would be 'Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.' 6. Instead of 'beer-belly,' you'd get 'beer-biceps.' 7. Tanks would be far easier to rent. 8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless. 9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example - Cop: 'You know how fast you were going?' You: 'All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.' Cop: Nice one, that's $20 off.' 10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again. 11. Every man would get four, real 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards per year. 12. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. 13. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play. 14. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to 'I love you.' 15. The funniest guy in the office would get to be the CEO. 16. 'Sorry, but I got wasted last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping. 17. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the public ugliness ordinance. 18. Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards. 19. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra. 20. 'Fancy a shag' would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time. 21. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined. 22. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and $2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks. 23. Saying 'Let's have a threesome. You, me and your sister' to your wife/girlfriend would get the response, 'What a great idea!' 24. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work. 25. Everyone would have real a Light Sabre and any disagreements would be settled by a fight to the death. 26. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex. 27. Along with your milk in the morning, the milkman would deliver two Swedish milk maids. 28. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone 29. "Yes" would be an acceptable answer to a woman's question of "Does my bum look big in this?" __________________ Abra-cadabra!

07-25-2004, 11:16 PM	#3
Huggles GFY'S #1 retard Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Kelowna Posts: 11,146	20. 'Fancy a shag' would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time. Hahahahahahahaha __________________ https://3-veo.com/ The best AI video maker portal.

07-25-2004, 11:22 PM	#6
RedShoe 赤い靴 call me 202-456-1111 Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: The Valley Posts: 14,831	If life was fair to homos .... DUDE ARE YOU FUCKING BOARD ? THAT IS WAY TO MUCH SHIT TO READ, YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO WORK. ...wouldn't make you sound like a whiney bitch. __________________ SPECIALTY COSTUMES • PROPS • FX Superheroes • Monsters • Robots PM for details For any manufacturing needs. Adult or otherwise. aka BonsHigh on Insta Bonsai weed plants

07-25-2004, 11:23 PM	#7
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	My personal favorite: 28. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone I could add "Just be careful that the giant plate of ribs you ordered at the drive-in doesn't tip over your car." __________________ Abra-cadabra!

07-25-2004, 11:25 PM	#9
austinth Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Fantasy Island Posts: 1,770	LOL __________________ Get A $25 Circuit City GIFT Card - *FREE*!

07-25-2004, 11:16 PM	#2
FlyingIguana aspiring banker Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: toronto Posts: 10,870

07-25-2004, 11:35 PM	#10
fatal attraction Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: where ever he is! Posts: 6,522

07-26-2004, 12:09 AM	#13
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	'Sorry, but I got wasted last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping. yeah...if only...

07-26-2004, 12:24 AM	#16
pimplink Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Closer than you think Posts: 9,535	That is quite hilarious __________________ Need Mainstream Content and SEO? SEO * Website Copy * Blogs Blogging - PR Work - Forum Marketing - Social Marketing - Link building - Articles 100% Guaranteed Content!

07-26-2004, 01:17 PM	#18
ZanyCash Larry Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: California Posts: 1,057	Amen Brother __________________ $45 Per Signup - 60/40 RevShare! 5% Webmaster Referral Bonus Hosted Static Galleries With Recip Link

07-26-2004, 01:37 PM	#20
Jakke PNG ex-TeenGodFather Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Suomi Finland Perkele Posts: 20,306	I would like to add: - Wearing nothing but a pair of boxershorts would be acceptable behaviour for every occasion. - When girlfriends/wifes friends or parents came over one could just watch tv in the other room, wear boxer shorts and eat junkfood without being the object of critique. __________________ ..and I'm off.

07-26-2004, 01:39 PM	#21
okny Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: The Vault Posts: 5,761	There is a few funny once, the cop one wasn't bad __________________ Aim: okny Icq: 306232 Skype: OlegKrasBT

07-26-2004, 01:39 PM	#22
jm_247live Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: florida/philly Posts: 1,536	Lol...nice __________________ ICQ 280987151 [email protected]

07-26-2004, 01:41 PM	#23
EviLGuY So Fucking Banned Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: malta Posts: 12,745	Who doesn't want to drive a tank? Damn that was my boyhood dream.

07-26-2004, 01:45 PM	#25
Phoenix BACON BACON BACON Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Poems everybody, the laddie fancies himself a poet Posts: 35,462	nice stuff man..i had a good laugh __________________ Skype Phoenixskype1 Telegram PhoenixBrad https://quantads.io

07-26-2004, 02:00 PM	#26
Gunni Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Barcelona Posts: 2,385	hahahaha, funny stuff!! It would also be cool if you could just take a stroll down to the nearest military airbase and get a pilot to take you on a crazy ride!!

07-26-2004, 02:12 PM	#29
jwerd Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Costa Rica Posts: 1,953	rofl priceless __________________ Yii Framework Guru - Seasoned PHP vet - Partner @ XXXCoupon.com

07-26-2004, 02:12 PM	#30
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	awesome

07-26-2004, 02:54 PM	#31
Raf1 Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Writer for hire :) Gallery descriptions, articles, blog posts etc. ICQ: 209 356 106 Posts: 12,117	funny stuff __________________ 80% Revshare or 30$ PPS on $1 trials: 200 Niches = Vidz.com Galleries / FLVs / Embeds 3 & 5mins FLVs \| RSS & Tube Feeds \| Matching Thumbs \| FLV Browser & Exporter \| No Prechecked Xsales >> Mobile Redirection Script: mobile.vidz.com also paying 80% net Lifetime << ICQ: 198-394-557