!!!TO MARK MY 5000th post you can win $100 in this Thread! - Page 6 - GoFuckYourself.com

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:24 AM

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts.

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:26 AM

wow, long story

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:26 AM

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:27 AM

A father was very anxious to marry off his daughter so he wanted tried impress her first date. "Do you like to screw?" he asks.
"Huh?!" replied the surprised young man.
"My daughter, she loves to screw and she's very good at it. You and she should go screw." carefully explained the father.
Now very interested, the boy replied, "Yes, sir!" Minutes later the girl came down the stairs, kissed her father goodbye and the couple left.
After only a few minutes she reappeared, furious, dress torn, hair a mess and screamed, "Dammit, Daddy, get it right, it's the TWIST!"

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:27 AM

im helping

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:27 AM

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"
Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.
He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by input
im helping

thanks we will get there faster, and good luck to you too!

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:29 AM

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out.
He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:30 AM

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.
The counsellor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"
The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:32 AM

and the beat goes on

Vitasoy · 07-10-2004, 08:33 AM

keep it going...

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:33 AM

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing?
She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."
The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."
To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!"

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Vitasoy
keep it going...

with a bit of help we all get there faster!

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:34 AM

supercalafragliciousexpaladocious

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by input
and the beat goes on

and on and on!

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:36 AM

it doesn't matter

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by input
supercalafragliciousexpaladocious

that's a great word when playing scrabble

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:38 AM

One day, John decided to invite over his mother for dinner with him and his roommate, Julie. Julie made a great dinner, but John's mother started to suspect more than friendship. The next day, Julie told John that the soup ladle was missing. This is the letter he wrote to his mother:

Dear Ma,
I'm not saying you did take the soup ladle, but I'm not saying you didn't. But the fact remains, It's missing.
Love,
John

This was her response...

Dear John,
I'm not saying you did sleep with Julie, But I'm not saying you didn't. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found it by now.
Love,
Mom

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:39 AM

yesterday

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by input
it doesn't matter

it's fun to try!

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:39 AM

all my troubles seemed so far away

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by input
yesterday

it's sunday here now

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:40 AM

anything can happen

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by input
all my troubles seemed so far away

great song

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:41 AM

freak a leak

TweetyBird · 07-10-2004, 08:41 AM

congrats on the 5k

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by input
anything can happen

the varaibles make life exciting

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:41 AM

23-34-46

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:42 AM

yippee yi yay

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:42 AM

It seems that a young couple had just got married and spent their first wedding night with the young man's parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from her garden and gourmet food. She went to the bottom the stairs and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newly-weds. After a long wait, the family ate without them.
The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?"
The groom's young brother said, "Mommy, I think..."
"Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the eight-year-old.
At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat.
As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again, the younger brother started to speak, but mother immediately shut him up.
At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal, mother once again questioned why they had not come down to eat all day.
The young lad once again said, "Mommy I think..."
"Well, what is it that you think?" asked the mother rather testily.
"I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead!"

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:43 AM

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 08:44 AM

she sells seashells down by the seashore

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:45 AM

A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:47 AM

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Hallowe'en Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to..."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:50 AM

A little old lady was in the kitchen one day, washing the dishes when suddenly a little genie appeared beside her.
"You've led a long and good life" the genie said, "I have come to reward you by granting you three wishes. Ask for anything you want and I will make it happen."
The old lady was surprised but cynical. Not really believing that anything would happen she decided to play along for a minute. "Ok" she said, "turn all those dirty dishes into money." With that there was a big Poof! and the dishes had turned into a big pile of cash.
"My" said the old lady, staggered that it had actually worked, "Perhaps you could make me look young and beautiful again?" There was another big poof and the woman now looked lots younger and was very good looking. Excitedly she carried on, "Can you turn my dear old cat into a handsome young man?"
Once more there was a big Poof, and the cat was replaced by a handsome young man. Smiling devilishly she turned to the young man and said "At last! Now I want to make love with you for the rest of the day and all night too!"
The young man just looked at her for moment then replied in a high pitched voice, "Well you should have thought about that before you took me to the vet's shouldn't you!"

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:53 AM

The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?"
"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper. A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?"
After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper.
A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me kiss you for five pounds?"
"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?"
"We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:54 AM

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid.", answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What?! There's no pool here?"
Long pause... "Uh .... is this 221-1811?"

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:55 AM

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:56 AM

This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you," she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 08:59 AM

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 09:02 AM

man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: "You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour."
The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager (naturally) is sceptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look,... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"
The manager replies: "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 09:05 AM

Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa.
After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize.
The Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 09:08 AM

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her awhile then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?"
She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.
He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"
She says, "Well, your name never came up."

born4porn · 07-10-2004, 09:09 AM

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
"Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..."
The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."
The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

pood · 07-10-2004, 09:17 AM

DAMn
not gonna get hte moeny this week

well OFF THE THE WARPED TOUR
WHOOP

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 10:57 AM

i'll give it another go

Rankings · 07-10-2004, 12:51 PM

lets go

Thugmaster · 07-10-2004, 02:17 PM

Vitasoy · 07-10-2004, 02:40 PM

200 or so to go

Raf1 · 07-10-2004, 04:07 PM

07-10-2004, 08:26 AM	#252
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	wow, long story __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:27 AM	#255
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	im helping __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:32 AM	#260
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	and the beat goes on __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:33 AM	#261
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	keep it going... __________________ [email protected]

07-10-2004, 08:34 AM	#264
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	supercalafragliciousexpaladocious __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:24 AM	#251
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts.

07-10-2004, 08:26 AM	#253
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

07-10-2004, 08:27 AM	#254
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A father was very anxious to marry off his daughter so he wanted tried impress her first date. "Do you like to screw?" he asks. "Huh?!" replied the surprised young man. "My daughter, she loves to screw and she's very good at it. You and she should go screw." carefully explained the father. Now very interested, the boy replied, "Yes, sir!" Minutes later the girl came down the stairs, kissed her father goodbye and the couple left. After only a few minutes she reappeared, furious, dress torn, hair a mess and screamed, "Dammit, Daddy, get it right, it's the TWIST!"

07-10-2004, 08:27 AM	#256
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?" Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?" "Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

07-10-2004, 08:29 AM	#258
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

07-10-2004, 08:30 AM	#259
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counsellor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

07-10-2004, 08:33 AM	#262
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!" Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape." The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you." To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!"

07-10-2004, 08:36 AM	#266
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	it doesn't matter __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:38 AM	#268
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	One day, John decided to invite over his mother for dinner with him and his roommate, Julie. Julie made a great dinner, but John's mother started to suspect more than friendship. The next day, Julie told John that the soup ladle was missing. This is the letter he wrote to his mother: Dear Ma, I'm not saying you did take the soup ladle, but I'm not saying you didn't. But the fact remains, It's missing. Love, John This was her response... Dear John, I'm not saying you did sleep with Julie, But I'm not saying you didn't. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found it by now. Love, Mom

07-10-2004, 08:39 AM	#269
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	yesterday __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:39 AM	#271
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	all my troubles seemed so far away __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:40 AM	#273
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	anything can happen __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:41 AM	#275
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	freak a leak __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:41 AM	#276
TweetyBird Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Canadian this !!! Posts: 8,532	congrats on the 5k __________________ sig for sale. ICQ :338213644

07-10-2004, 08:41 AM	#278
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	23-34-46 __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:42 AM	#279
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	yippee yi yay __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:42 AM	#280
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	It seems that a young couple had just got married and spent their first wedding night with the young man's parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from her garden and gourmet food. She went to the bottom the stairs and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newly-weds. After a long wait, the family ate without them. The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?" The groom's young brother said, "Mommy, I think..." "Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the eight-year-old. At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat. As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again, the younger brother started to speak, but mother immediately shut him up. At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal, mother once again questioned why they had not come down to eat all day. The young lad once again said, "Mommy I think..." "Well, what is it that you think?" asked the mother rather testily. "I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead!"

07-10-2004, 08:43 AM	#281
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

07-10-2004, 08:44 AM	#282
Rankings Adult SEO Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A cat with three legs cannot bury shit in a frozen pond. In addition to that, can you cry underwater? Posts: 10,633	she sells seashells down by the seashore __________________ Your leader for Adult SEO Services 19+ Years Serving the Adult/SEO Industry ICQ: 610-814 Skype: xratedseo

07-10-2004, 08:45 AM	#283
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm. "Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."

07-10-2004, 08:47 AM	#284
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A couple was invited to a swanky masked Hallowe'en Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to..."

07-10-2004, 08:50 AM	#285
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A little old lady was in the kitchen one day, washing the dishes when suddenly a little genie appeared beside her. "You've led a long and good life" the genie said, "I have come to reward you by granting you three wishes. Ask for anything you want and I will make it happen." The old lady was surprised but cynical. Not really believing that anything would happen she decided to play along for a minute. "Ok" she said, "turn all those dirty dishes into money." With that there was a big Poof! and the dishes had turned into a big pile of cash. "My" said the old lady, staggered that it had actually worked, "Perhaps you could make me look young and beautiful again?" There was another big poof and the woman now looked lots younger and was very good looking. Excitedly she carried on, "Can you turn my dear old cat into a handsome young man?" Once more there was a big Poof, and the cat was replaced by a handsome young man. Smiling devilishly she turned to the young man and said "At last! Now I want to make love with you for the rest of the day and all night too!" The young man just looked at her for moment then replied in a high pitched voice, "Well you should have thought about that before you took me to the vet's shouldn't you!"

07-10-2004, 08:53 AM	#286
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?" "Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper. A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?" After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper. A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me kiss you for five pounds?" "Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?" "We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"

07-10-2004, 08:54 AM	#287
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid.", answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What?! There's no pool here?" Long pause... "Uh .... is this 221-1811?"

07-10-2004, 08:55 AM	#288
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet." The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?" No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor. Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

07-10-2004, 08:56 AM	#289
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult," the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."

07-10-2004, 08:59 AM	#290
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

07-10-2004, 09:02 AM	#291
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: "You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour." The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager (naturally) is sceptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look,... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?" The manager replies: "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

07-10-2004, 09:05 AM	#292
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize. The Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."

07-10-2004, 09:08 AM	#293
born4porn FUKM ALL! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: somewhere wet n sticky - Sydney Posts: 38,781	This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her awhile then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?" She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?" She says, "Well, your name never came up."