Sexist Jokes ... - GoFuckYourself.com

wiZd0m · 02-06-2001, 06:19 PM

Lets post the most hilarious jokes we ever heard ...

Here one...

Q. How do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A. A Gifted

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wiZd0m

Techie Media · 02-06-2001, 06:44 PM

OK Wizdom since you started with blonde jokes, heres one.

Q Why do Blondes always stare at the carton of orange Juice at the grocery store??

A Because it says "Concentrate"

OK that was stupid but cute...

------------------
Smile and Be Happy

http://www.lightningfree.com

wiZd0m · 02-06-2001, 06:54 PM

Hahahaha thats fucking hilarious, I had never heard or read that one.

The jokes don't not have to be on blondes, they can be on anytinhg, I want to laugh my ass off tonight

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wiZd0m

sixfm · 02-06-2001, 06:54 PM

What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row.... a wind tunnel.... *boo* *hiss* Ok, blonde jokes are old, they are all bad as hell! Sorry I even brought that one up d-:

Red · 02-06-2001, 07:10 PM

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the
Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and
all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw
her and began calling greetings to her: "Hello. How are you? We've been
waiting for you. Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful
place. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love." The woman correctly spelled "l-o-v-e," and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch
the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates
of ! Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said.
"How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and
bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We
were on vacation, and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my
head, and here I am. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

Red · 02-06-2001, 07:31 PM

And in response to the sexist jokes:

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

Red

------------------
Amateurmoney-we give great click
Red's Erotica
You've never had story content like this before.
Original, funny, purely pornographic.

SABAI · 02-06-2001, 07:35 PM

q:what is the difference between a pussy and a pizza?

a:you can order the pizza without the mushrooms

------------------

www.adult-web-master.com

evidence eliminator sells like hot cakes on porn sites

SABAI · 02-06-2001, 07:37 PM

q:what is the difference between you and your wife/girlfriend?

a:you , you always have the same dick between your legs...

------------------

www.adult-web-master.com

evidence eliminator sells like hot cakes on porn sites

wiZd0m · 02-06-2001, 07:47 PM

Dam it red, you could have made almost 20 post with all these jokes (thus bringning me closer to that DVD player, lol)

------------------
wiZd0m

Wildman · 02-07-2001, 05:37 AM

Q. Whats the Difference between Good, Great and a Show-off?

A. Spit, Swallow and Gurgle.

Wildman.

Chuck · 02-07-2001, 09:23 AM

And the category is... Jokes that'll get you cut off for a week... :-)

A guy calls his wife and says "Honey, great news! I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"

"That IS great news, Dear! Where do you want to go first? Which should I pack for?"

"I don't give a shit what you pack. Just be gone when I get home"

Chuck · 02-07-2001, 09:24 AM

What do you say to a woman with a black eye?

Not a damn thing; she didn't listen the first time!

(not advocating violence, kids don't try this at home, just working for a t-shirt here, etc...)

Chuck · 02-07-2001, 09:25 AM

What do 50,000 abused wives and girl friends have in common?

They didn't know when to shut up...

(not advocating violence, kids don't try this at home, just working for a t-shirt here, etc...)

Chuck · 02-07-2001, 09:27 AM

What's the difference between a blonde and a toilet?

A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it...

Chuck · 02-07-2001, 09:28 AM

How do you tell if your woman is faking her orgasms?

Who cares?

:-)

fredicus · 02-07-2001, 09:49 AM

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at Burger King. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."
The young man than asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn using the teeth."

------------------
unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
-------------------------
Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

fredicus · 02-07-2001, 09:52 AM

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a
button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched
the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order. The walls
opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your Mother."

------------------
unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
-------------------------
Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

fredicus · 02-07-2001, 09:54 AM

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was
that there was no heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact.
"Mary... Mary.... "
"Is that you Fred?"
"Yes, I have come back like we agreed."
"What is it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have
lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon-supper-then sex till late at night, sleep then start all over again."
"Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven."
"Hell no, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."

------------------
unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
-------------------------
Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

kemp · 02-07-2001, 10:59 AM

Dammit - I can't think up any good jokes - Chuck already took the only one I could think up...well, I'll try this one...

Yesterday scientists in Canada revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100%
of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

------------------
Get some traffic -
Hardcore Free
Sex Starved
Lesi TGP

RRRED · 02-07-2001, 01:31 PM

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?

To knock the penises off the smart ones.

------------------
Join4Free

Hot Tropical Babes · 02-07-2001, 01:39 PM

RRRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was a GOOOOD ONE,,,I LOVE IT!!!HEHEHE ^5 GIRLFRIEND

------------------
Hot Tropical Babes

firesan · 12-13-2003, 04:50 AM

02-06-2001, 06:19 PM	#1
wiZd0m Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Montreal Posts: 1,526	Sexist Jokes ... Lets post the most hilarious jokes we ever heard ... Here one... Q. How do you call a blonde with half a brain? A. A Gifted ------------------ wiZd0m

02-06-2001, 06:44 PM	#2
Techie Media Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 3,092	OK Wizdom since you started with blonde jokes, heres one. Q Why do Blondes always stare at the carton of orange Juice at the grocery store?? A Because it says "Concentrate" OK that was stupid but cute... ------------------ Smile and Be Happy http://www.lightningfree.com

02-06-2001, 06:54 PM	#3
wiZd0m Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Montreal Posts: 1,526	Hahahaha thats fucking hilarious, I had never heard or read that one. The jokes don't not have to be on blondes, they can be on anytinhg, I want to laugh my ass off tonight ------------------ wiZd0m

02-06-2001, 06:54 PM	#4
sixfm Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: State of Confusion Posts: 139	What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row.... a wind tunnel.... boo hiss Ok, blonde jokes are old, they are all bad as hell! Sorry I even brought that one up d-:

02-06-2001, 07:10 PM	#5
Red Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: nomad Posts: 518	After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her: "Hello. How are you? We've been waiting for you. Good to see you." When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place. How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled "l-o-v-e," and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of ! Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation, and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia."

02-06-2001, 07:31 PM	#6
Red Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: nomad Posts: 518	And in response to the sexist jokes: Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung? A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis? A. His body. Q. Why do little boys whine? A. Because they're practicing to be men. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born? A. To knock the penises off the smart ones. Q. Why do men name their penises? A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A. Because not one will stop and ask directions. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts. Q: What's the best way to kill a man? A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one. Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common? A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch! Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q: What is the difference between men and women... A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals" Red ------------------ Amateurmoney-we give great click Red's Erotica You've never had story content like this before. Original, funny, purely pornographic.

02-06-2001, 07:35 PM	#7
SABAI Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: footmaniac.com Posts: 2,880	q:what is the difference between a pussy and a pizza? a:you can order the pizza without the mushrooms ------------------ www.adult-web-master.com evidence eliminator sells like hot cakes on porn sites

02-06-2001, 07:37 PM	#8
SABAI Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: footmaniac.com Posts: 2,880	q:what is the difference between you and your wife/girlfriend? a:you , you always have the same dick between your legs... ------------------ www.adult-web-master.com evidence eliminator sells like hot cakes on porn sites

02-06-2001, 07:47 PM	#9
wiZd0m Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Montreal Posts: 1,526	Dam it red, you could have made almost 20 post with all these jokes (thus bringning me closer to that DVD player, lol) ------------------ wiZd0m

02-07-2001, 05:37 AM	#10
Wildman Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 326	Q. Whats the Difference between Good, Great and a Show-off? A. Spit, Swallow and Gurgle. Wildman.

02-07-2001, 09:23 AM	#11
Chuck Registered User Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 24	And the category is... Jokes that'll get you cut off for a week... :-) A guy calls his wife and says "Honey, great news! I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!" "That IS great news, Dear! Where do you want to go first? Which should I pack for?" "I don't give a shit what you pack. Just be gone when I get home"

02-07-2001, 09:24 AM	#12
Chuck Registered User Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 24	What do you say to a woman with a black eye? Not a damn thing; she didn't listen the first time! (not advocating violence, kids don't try this at home, just working for a t-shirt here, etc...)

02-07-2001, 09:25 AM	#13
Chuck Registered User Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 24	What do 50,000 abused wives and girl friends have in common? They didn't know when to shut up... (not advocating violence, kids don't try this at home, just working for a t-shirt here, etc...)

02-07-2001, 09:27 AM	#14
Chuck Registered User Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 24	What's the difference between a blonde and a toilet? A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it...

02-07-2001, 09:28 AM	#15
Chuck Registered User Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 24	How do you tell if your woman is faking her orgasms? Who cares? :-)

02-07-2001, 09:49 AM	#16
fredicus Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: UK Posts: 286	A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at Burger King. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man than asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn using the teeth." ------------------ unlikely to be Y3K Compliant ------------------------- Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

02-07-2001, 09:52 AM	#17
fredicus Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: UK Posts: 286	An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your Mother." ------------------ unlikely to be Y3K Compliant ------------------------- Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

02-07-2001, 09:54 AM	#18
fredicus Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: UK Posts: 286	A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact. "Mary... Mary.... " "Is that you Fred?" "Yes, I have come back like we agreed." "What is it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon-supper-then sex till late at night, sleep then start all over again." "Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven." "Hell no, I'm a rabbit in Kansas." ------------------ unlikely to be Y3K Compliant ------------------------- Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

02-07-2001, 10:59 AM	#19
kemp Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Utopia Posts: 392	Dammit - I can't think up any good jokes - Chuck already took the only one I could think up...well, I'll try this one... Yesterday scientists in Canada revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive. ------------------ Get some traffic - Hardcore Free Sex Starved Lesi TGP

02-07-2001, 01:31 PM	#20
RRRED Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: WA Posts: 6,754	Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones. ------------------ Join4Free

02-07-2001, 01:39 PM	#21
Hot Tropical Babes Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Orlando FL Posts: 3,014	RRRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was a GOOOOD ONE,,,I LOVE IT!!!HEHEHE ^5 GIRLFRIEND ------------------ Hot Tropical Babes

12-13-2003, 04:50 AM	#22
firesan So Fucking Banned Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 95