Sexist Jokes ...
 

Lets post the most hilarious jokes we ever heard ...

Here one...

Q. How do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A. A Gifted

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wiZd0m

OK Wizdom since you started with blonde jokes, heres one.

Q Why do Blondes always stare at the carton of orange Juice at the grocery store??

A Because it says "Concentrate"

OK that was stupid but cute...

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Smile and Be Happy

http://www.lightningfree.com

Hahahaha thats fucking hilarious, I had never heard or read that one.

The jokes don't not have to be on blondes, they can be on anytinhg, I want to laugh my ass off tonight

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wiZd0m

What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row.... a wind tunnel.... *boo* *hiss* Ok, blonde jokes are old, they are all bad as hell! Sorry I even brought that one up d-:

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the
Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and
all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw
her and began calling greetings to her: "Hello. How are you? We've been
waiting for you. Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful
place. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love." The woman correctly spelled "l-o-v-e," and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch
the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates
of ! Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said.
"How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and
bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We
were on vacation, and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my
head, and here I am. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

And in response to the sexist jokes:

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

Red

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q:what is the difference between a pussy and a pizza?

a:you can order the pizza without the mushrooms

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q:what is the difference between you and your wife/girlfriend?

a:you , you always have the same dick between your legs...

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evidence eliminator sells like hot cakes on porn sites

Dam it red, you could have made almost 20 post with all these jokes (thus bringning me closer to that DVD player, lol)

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wiZd0m

Q. Whats the Difference between Good, Great and a Show-off?

A. Spit, Swallow and Gurgle.

Wildman.

And the category is... Jokes that'll get you cut off for a week... :-)

A guy calls his wife and says "Honey, great news! I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"

"That IS great news, Dear! Where do you want to go first? Which should I pack for?"

"I don't give a shit what you pack. Just be gone when I get home"

What do you say to a woman with a black eye?

Not a damn thing; she didn't listen the first time!

(not advocating violence, kids don't try this at home, just working for a t-shirt here, etc...)

What do 50,000 abused wives and girl friends have in common?

They didn't know when to shut up...

(not advocating violence, kids don't try this at home, just working for a t-shirt here, etc...)

What's the difference between a blonde and a toilet?

A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it...

How do you tell if your woman is faking her orgasms?

Who cares?

:-)

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at Burger King. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."
The young man than asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn using the teeth."

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unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
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Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a
button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched
the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order. The walls
opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your Mother."

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unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
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Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was
that there was no heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact.
"Mary... Mary.... "
"Is that you Fred?"
"Yes, I have come back like we agreed."
"What is it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have
lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon-supper-then sex till late at night, sleep then start all over again."
"Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven."
"Hell no, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."

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unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
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Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

Dammit - I can't think up any good jokes - Chuck already took the only one I could think up...well, I'll try this one...

Yesterday scientists in Canada revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100%
of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

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Lesi TGP

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?

To knock the penises off the smart ones.

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Join4Free

RRRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was a GOOOOD ONE,,,I LOVE IT!!!HEHEHE ^5 GIRLFRIEND

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