Drunk driving ? Drugs in the car ? GREAT EXCUSE THREAD - GoFuckYourself.com

titman · 06-05-2004, 09:37 PM

Now obviously the easiest solution is dont drive drunk or with drugs , BUT, heres a thread with some good excuses.

First of all be prepared. If you own a car you should have an anti-cop emergency kit

Place inside this small kit under your seat, with one small spray cologne , some breathmints , small pouch of baking soda ( one dose ) , some fake blood pills ( get at joke store ).

This is a last ditch kit , if you know your fucked.

quickly eat the breathmints spray the cologne in the car place blod pills in mouth and eat the dose of baking soda ( this should make you throw up almost instantly so wait till the cop is almost at your door )

Fake a seizure as he arrives at the door , leap out and do the funky chicken at his feet while spewing blood and vomit from your mouth.. Tell them your having an allergic attack to something inane like sugar or peanuts.

The cop wont want to touch you let alone give you a breath test , and chances are they will forget to search your car too.

Suprise piss test at work ?? heres a surefire method.

Before you go in for the test , soak your hands in bleach , then as you go to take a piss , just piss a bit on your fingers and the residual bleach will make the test null.

smokingdawn · 06-05-2004, 09:38 PM

Yeah...ok

HarleySheffield · 06-05-2004, 09:56 PM

so those are all stupid, however...if you have "anything" on you, keep a labeled envelope with postage attached under your seat. If you think you are getting pulled over, slip your stuff in the envelope, lick it shut and throw it on the floor. It can't be opened by any cop because it is "federal" property. They have to have probable cause and then go through the pain of a warrant. This trick has worked for truckers stashing illegal radar detectors for years. P.S. -- Don't send it to your house!

Jace · 06-05-2004, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by titman

Before you go in for the test , soak your hands in bleach , then as you go to take a piss , just piss a bit on your fingers and the residual bleach will make the test null.

you do know they test for bleach in all standard work related drug tests now, right? they have been for years...probably since the first person firgured out that bleach voids the test

OzMan · 06-05-2004, 10:01 PM

This method also works when blind dates aren't going so great.

C_U_Next_Tuesday · 06-05-2004, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HarleySheffield
so those are all stupid, however...if you have "anything" on you, keep a labeled envelope with postage attached under your seat. If you think you are getting pulled over, slip your stuff in the envelope, lick it shut and throw it on the floor. It can't be opened by any cop because it is "federal" property. They have to have probable cause and then go through the pain of a warrant. This trick has worked for truckers stashing illegal radar detectors for years. P.S. -- Don't send it to your house!

interesting method

HarleySheffield · 06-05-2004, 10:07 PM

I keep a really BIG box in the back seat for my AR-15!

06-05-2004, 09:37 PM	#1
titman Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Confidential Posts: 104	Drunk driving ? Drugs in the car ? GREAT EXCUSE THREAD Now obviously the easiest solution is dont drive drunk or with drugs , BUT, heres a thread with some good excuses. First of all be prepared. If you own a car you should have an anti-cop emergency kit Place inside this small kit under your seat, with one small spray cologne , some breathmints , small pouch of baking soda ( one dose ) , some fake blood pills ( get at joke store ). This is a last ditch kit , if you know your fucked. quickly eat the breathmints spray the cologne in the car place blod pills in mouth and eat the dose of baking soda ( this should make you throw up almost instantly so wait till the cop is almost at your door ) Fake a seizure as he arrives at the door , leap out and do the funky chicken at his feet while spewing blood and vomit from your mouth.. Tell them your having an allergic attack to something inane like sugar or peanuts. The cop wont want to touch you let alone give you a breath test , and chances are they will forget to search your car too. Suprise piss test at work ?? heres a surefire method. Before you go in for the test , soak your hands in bleach , then as you go to take a piss , just piss a bit on your fingers and the residual bleach will make the test null. __________________ Swiss Cheese Security Inc.

06-05-2004, 09:38 PM	#2
smokingdawn Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: USA Posts: 2,808	Yeah...ok __________________ $35 Per FREE CC sign up on CONSOLE FREE video niched tours including cams. $50 Per free instant access join for all new affiliates. Ask me how! DawnG \|at\| adultalchemy.com ICQ: 428-655-109

06-05-2004, 09:56 PM	#3
HarleySheffield So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Location: Broadcasting from Prison, (Cell Block C) Posts: 67	so those are all stupid, however...if you have "anything" on you, keep a labeled envelope with postage attached under your seat. If you think you are getting pulled over, slip your stuff in the envelope, lick it shut and throw it on the floor. It can't be opened by any cop because it is "federal" property. They have to have probable cause and then go through the pain of a warrant. This trick has worked for truckers stashing illegal radar detectors for years. P.S. -- Don't send it to your house!

06-05-2004, 10:01 PM	#5
OzMan Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Los Begas Posts: 9,162	This method also works when blind dates aren't going so great.

06-05-2004, 10:07 PM	#7
HarleySheffield So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Location: Broadcasting from Prison, (Cell Block C) Posts: 67	I keep a really BIG box in the back seat for my AR-15!