Best breakup letter: - GoFuckYourself.com

Paraskass · 05-25-2004, 04:21 PM

Dear Susan:

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us
does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean?

Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14
years, and we never used it as a sex aid."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.

She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She?s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she
looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us.

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the remote control is.

John

axelcat · 05-25-2004, 04:23 PM

too long to read

Rhino22 · 05-25-2004, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by axelcat
too long to read

AndrewKanuck · 05-25-2004, 04:25 PM

Oh man, worth the read!

merlin77 · 05-25-2004, 04:29 PM

That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!

fudpuck · 05-25-2004, 04:29 PM

Pretty funny.

StRoGE · 05-25-2004, 04:29 PM

Definately worth the read. Almost makes me want to edit that slightly and send it to my ex.

Thomas1007 · 05-25-2004, 04:30 PM

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.

roflmao

Zoe_Zoebaboe · 05-25-2004, 04:31 PM

haha!

iFliPcEss · 05-25-2004, 04:37 PM

hahaha, i am teary eyed LMAO, very detailed, if I were your ex gf, imma tell you this "TELL THAT TO THE MARINES YOU BRUTE" lol, how do you expect me to get back to you? when you gave me every single details of your new found sexmate????

EviLGuY · 05-25-2004, 04:44 PM

ROFL.. thats some good shit.

jimmyf · 05-25-2004, 04:45 PM

funny funny funny.

dunefield · 05-25-2004, 04:54 PM

worth the read...

Tala · 05-25-2004, 05:00 PM

Old but still funny as hell.

Vitasoy · 05-25-2004, 05:07 PM

well worth it.

jmk · 05-25-2004, 05:10 PM

funny shit!

SmutGiant · 05-25-2004, 05:12 PM

lesbodojo · 05-25-2004, 05:15 PM

That was fucking hilarious! Thanks for posting this.

Jill_J · 05-25-2004, 05:22 PM

too long but worth reading

gutter · 05-25-2004, 05:23 PM

even though i've read it tons of times, it still makes me chuckle

Strife · 05-25-2004, 05:26 PM

Aquarius · 05-25-2004, 05:28 PM

reynold · 05-25-2004, 05:35 PM

Really worth the read!

GigaChris · 05-25-2004, 05:45 PM

OMG

aaron · 05-25-2004, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by axelcat
too long to read

SAD

Oncle_Benny · 05-25-2004, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by StRoGE
Definately worth the read. Almost makes me want to edit that slightly and send it to my ex.

yeah...

misty · 05-25-2004, 05:57 PM

!!! funny!!!

quantum-x · 05-25-2004, 05:58 PM

word.

Paraskass · 05-25-2004, 07:51 PM

I concur.
Long but funny.
I still had to post it.

nathan_f · 05-25-2004, 07:53 PM

well worth the read..

Screaming · 05-25-2004, 07:56 PM

that is fucking great and yet so fucking wrong

PrivateEye · 05-25-2004, 07:59 PM

Old but still great

arial · 05-25-2004, 08:02 PM

HAHA that's awesome, well worth the read...

punker barbie · 05-25-2004, 08:04 PM

hahaha good stuff

RugbyChode · 05-25-2004, 08:11 PM

IS that for real? if it is best letter ever.

Furious_Male · 05-25-2004, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Deeprub
Old but still great

No doubt. Well worth the re-read

Babaganoosh · 05-25-2004, 08:23 PM

Now THAT'S a quality read.

LadyMischief · 05-25-2004, 08:26 PM

Hhahahahha.... The sad thing is though, I know people who would probably write the same letter JUST like that.

jact · 05-25-2004, 08:28 PM

Fucking amazing, I'm going to use something like that when I ditch LadyM!

LadyMischief · 05-25-2004, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jact
Fucking amazing, I'm going to use something like that when I ditch LadyM!

TYPE FASTER!

jact · 05-25-2004, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LadyMischief
TYPE FASTER!

Shit, I didn't figure you'd be refreshing the thread yet, I was counting on having a little more time!

bizmak · 05-25-2004, 08:30 PM

hehe cool

Jon · 05-25-2004, 08:32 PM

Hahahahaha!!!

That was fantastic!

JDog · 05-25-2004, 08:33 PM

Now that's a great read! Love it!

jDoG

ALiEn_OuT · 05-25-2004, 08:34 PM

I acyually saved it and plan to use it ... well worth the read ... and well written

SleazyDream · 05-25-2004, 08:38 PM

awesome

pimplink · 05-26-2004, 05:20 AM

Darn.....I'm about to cry..

StRoGE · 05-26-2004, 05:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ALiEn_OuT
I acyually saved it and plan to use it ... well worth the read ... and well written

That doesnt surprise me at all.

RicardoB · 05-26-2004, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by axelcat
too long to read

You should it's priceless! Haven't laughed like thisin a long time

Lauren · 05-26-2004, 07:20 AM

take time to read, it's worth it.

05-25-2004, 04:21 PM	#1
Paraskass Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: QC Posts: 5,829	Best breakup letter: Dear Susan: I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She?s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the remote control is. John __________________

05-25-2004, 04:25 PM	#4
AndrewKanuck Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Cleveland & Atlanta Posts: 6,706	Oh man, worth the read! __________________

05-25-2004, 04:29 PM	#5
merlin77 Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Vancouver,BC Posts: 546	That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time! __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

05-25-2004, 04:29 PM	#6
fudpuck Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Location: the woodwork Posts: 885	Pretty funny. __________________ AMK Hosting - 3.2Ghz, 1GB RAM, 2x300GB RAID1 + 10Mbps for $249mo. ICQ: 15898919 - Ask me about remote backups for your data.

05-25-2004, 04:29 PM	#7
StRoGE Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 1,713	Definately worth the read. Almost makes me want to edit that slightly and send it to my ex. __________________ [URL=http://www.stupidcash.com/referral=sailorslut/][/URL

05-25-2004, 04:23 PM	#2
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450	too long to read

05-25-2004, 04:30 PM	#8
Thomas1007 Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: BC Canada Posts: 5,542	But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. roflmao __________________ BUY THIS SPOT CONTACT ME FOR DETAILS Contact Email

05-25-2004, 04:31 PM	#9
Zoe_Zoebaboe Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sin City Posts: 4,463	haha! __________________ http://www.myspace.com/jennabea ICQ: 166862923 Email: [email protected]

05-25-2004, 04:37 PM	#10
iFliPcEss Registered User Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 3,087	hahaha, i am teary eyed LMAO, very detailed, if I were your ex gf, imma tell you this "TELL THAT TO THE MARINES YOU BRUTE" lol, how do you expect me to get back to you? when you gave me every single details of your new found sexmate????

05-25-2004, 04:44 PM	#11
EviLGuY So Fucking Banned Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: malta Posts: 12,745	ROFL.. thats some good shit.

05-25-2004, 04:45 PM	#12
jimmyf OU812 Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: California Posts: 12,651	funny funny funny. __________________ Epic CashEpic Cash works for me Solar Cash Paysite Plugin Gallery of the day freesites,POTD,Gallery generator with free hosting

05-25-2004, 04:54 PM	#13
dunefield www.barely18movies.com Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 10,920	worth the read... __________________

05-25-2004, 05:00 PM	#14
Tala Fucked if I know Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Do you have a flag? Posts: 23,368	Old but still funny as hell. __________________ ICQ: 11120676 \| Google: mindcrime \| Skype: suitemindcrime\|E-Mail: mindcrime AT gmail.com\|PR girl with great writing skills for hire!!!! Contact me to work for YOU!\|TECHIEMEDIA? 24/7 support from some of the best techs in the biz. Tell Jim that I sent you.

05-25-2004, 05:07 PM	#15
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	well worth it. __________________ [email protected]

05-25-2004, 05:10 PM	#16
jmk Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,391	funny shit!

05-25-2004, 05:12 PM	#17
SmutGiant Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 4,895

05-25-2004, 05:15 PM	#18
lesbodojo Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: San Francisco Posts: 2,839	That was fucking hilarious! Thanks for posting this.

05-25-2004, 05:22 PM	#19
Jill_J Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 3,599	too long but worth reading __________________ Cash Maniacs - around 50 sites, all niches!

05-25-2004, 05:23 PM	#20
gutter Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: santa barbara Posts: 260	even though i've read it tons of times, it still makes me chuckle __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

05-25-2004, 05:26 PM	#21
Strife Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Canada Posts: 4,534	__________________ Buy & Sell Ads on The Most Sexy Advertising Network on the Planet

05-25-2004, 05:28 PM	#22
Aquarius Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Mom's basement Posts: 4,754

05-25-2004, 05:35 PM	#23
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	Really worth the read!

05-25-2004, 05:45 PM	#24
GigaChris Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: CA Posts: 1,383	OMG __________________ __chris Operations Director www.gigacash.com icq# 154169968 Selling your biz? Selling premium domains? We buy. Contact me.

05-25-2004, 05:57 PM	#27
misty Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Montreal, qc Posts: 187	!!! funny!!! __________________

05-25-2004, 05:58 PM	#28
quantum-x Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: ICQ: 251425 Fr/Au/Ca Posts: 6,863	word. __________________ PrettyInCash.com - BoozedGFs.com - TeenGFs.com - JizzGFs.com- MilfUploads.com -

05-25-2004, 07:51 PM	#29
Paraskass Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: QC Posts: 5,829	I concur. Long but funny. I still had to post it. __________________

05-25-2004, 07:53 PM	#30
nathan_f Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Think of me as Chomsky with dick jokes. Posts: 3,983	well worth the read..

05-25-2004, 07:56 PM	#31
Screaming I can change this!!!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 18,972	that is fucking great and yet so fucking wrong __________________

05-25-2004, 07:59 PM	#32
PrivateEye Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dirty South Posts: 1,784	Old but still great __________________ Arkansas Escort Ads

05-25-2004, 08:02 PM	#33
arial Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Bay Area Posts: 4,012	HAHA that's awesome, well worth the read...

05-25-2004, 08:04 PM	#34
punker barbie Meow Meow!!! Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: San Diego, California Posts: 10,226	hahaha good stuff __________________ Chaturbate Affiliate Support: [email protected]

05-25-2004, 08:11 PM	#35
RugbyChode Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Oviedo Posts: 189	IS that for real? if it is best letter ever. __________________ Like my new sig

05-25-2004, 08:23 PM	#37
Babaganoosh ♥♥♥ Likes Hugs ♥♥♥ Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: /home Posts: 15,841	Now THAT'S a quality read. __________________ I like pie.

05-25-2004, 08:26 PM	#38
LadyMischief Orgasms N Such! Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Oakville, Ontario Posts: 18,135	Hhahahahha.... The sad thing is though, I know people who would probably write the same letter JUST like that. __________________ ICQ 3522039 Content Manager - orgasm.com [email protected]

05-25-2004, 08:28 PM	#39
jact Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Oakville, Canada Posts: 9,134	Fucking amazing, I'm going to use something like that when I ditch LadyM! __________________ Free agent