My parents let me wear whatever I wanted as a teenager. I definitely looked like a slut and got lots of attention. Then they wonder why I chose to become a stripper as an adult... :uhoh


It's been shown that the hormones in milk increase breast size.

ok Eroswebmaster, I see where you're coming from now..
I don't know how you got the idea that this is how I'm raising my children, because it definitely isn't.

To me there's a difference between letting children do what they want so you won't be bothered by them, and letting them do what they want in a way that teaches them how to be on their own and be successful at it.

I'm a worrying mom.. I worry constantly and am always looking for signs of problems. I talk to my kids a lot.

I see parents that smother their children with strictness, in fear that they are going to do something wrong, then when they turn 18 they all of a sudden let them go into a world they aren't prepared for. I also see children that do bad things thinking they are getting away with something, when in fact, it's their own lives they're ruining.. I hear them say.. my parents are going to kill me.. they say it to me.. my kids friends... when it's the deed itself and how it affects them they should be focused on.. not the parents reaction to it.

I thought long and hard about how I was going to raise my kids, and I waited until I was ready. I had my daughter when I was 35 and my twin boys when I was 40.

My daughter is now 18 and going to college in the fall. She got herself a scholarship with no help from me, I was very proud that she could accomplish that on her own.

Eroswebmaster, I agree with you 100% there are parents out there that just were never meant to have children. There are children having children.. it's a sad situation.. all I was saying is that by the time children get to the age of 12, the way they will be as an adult is already formed, I didn't say they didn't need any more guidance.. they need even more then.. but forcing them to do things, or not to do things.. nope.. I don't agree with that at all.. what you're talking about is damage control.. and at it's best, it doesn't work all that well

.

Show me where I ever discussed the way you're raising your children...I think you're confused.

And once again no one is discussing forcing anyone to do anything..but you have to set limits...and in the context of this discussion tongue piercings should be off limits to children.

I was wrong when I said you discussed the way I raise my children.. sorry

but about the tongue piercings.. you say your not for forcing them to do anything.. but you are forcing them to bend to your will.. I mean.. it's a forced issue if it's something they want to do and you wouldn't allow it.. that's force..

look, I like you a lot eroswebmaster, and I don't want to make you angry.. if I'm going too far just say so and I'll shut up

No you're not making me angry but I find it ridiculous to say someone is being forced...I'm sure you have set limits for your children...you just didn't allow them once they turned 12 to make whatever decisions they wanted to.

You might have allowed them to make some decisions..but there are definite decisions children cannot make.

tongue piercings are REALLY slutty IMO

for her to get it at 12, speechless... wow

you help children make decisions on their own.. that's the right way to go about it in my opinion.. that's pretty much all I was trying to say.. and 12 was just an example.. I've been teaching my kids how to make decisions their whole lives.. it's the basis of all my child rearing philosophies.. teach them how to cope in the world while you still have them with you.. don't do it for them

Just look at the change in the media over the last 30 years. And don't start with 'it's a reflection of society' bullshit because it's not. Marketing is pushing these boundaries.

Like Bill Hicks said; " If you're in marketing, do the world a favor, kill yourself."

I agree that parents need to take a lot of the responsibility, but it's an uphill battle that is not made any easier by many people in the world.

I'm sorry but that's all hippy bullshit...LOL
Not trying to offend you but that is my opinion.
Sure you try to teach kids how to make the right decisions but we both know that they are not always going to do so...so as a responsible parent you at times have to make a decision for them.

It all goes back to age appropriateness. You allow children to make decisions that they are capable of making. And of course you help them through the tougher ones and you decide those for them that are even tougher. Of course you have to eventually let go..but age 12 is not where you do it completely.

'forcing them to bend to your will'? Please.

You're not preparing your children for the real world if you let them whatever the hell they want. There are expectations for behaviour and appearance in the real world. It's not the parents who set those boundaries and preconceptions, it's society.

If you let your 12 year old get her belly button and tongue pierced and dress like a hoochie, people are going to see her as a hoochie, regardless of whether she actually is one or not, and treat her as such. Some parents might think it's 'cute' or they're just trying to let their children 'express themselves' but they'll regret it when their 18 year old daughter is trying to support her 2 kids on her own by swinging on a pole every night...

:2 cents:

yeah i know it is so crazy. kids who are 12 getting their belly button pierced, nose, getting a tattoo, and some even get a boob job. the world is so messed up today

I agree, I also think it's becomming harder and harder to prepare kids for the real world every generation. Not because things are different now, but because the pace of change has increased.

:2 cents:

blame it on brittany spears :1orglaugh

the girls around here are total sluts, my brother who is in 6th grade has aslready gotten head 3 times and fucked a girl he went to the movies with :uhoh

oh yeah.. now I remember why I thought you were talking about me.. it's where you previously mentioned Hippy bullshit in reply to one of my earlier posts.. lol

hey.. let's just agree to disagree.. I have very strong feelings about my plan for raising kids.. I had this plan for years before I had them..

and btw.. my kids have no piercings, and are turning out even better than I could have hoped for.. no kidding.. so I must be doing something right here

it's been nice debating this with you eroswebmaster, you're a cool guy ;)

Sigh... I hear what you're saying. But I do have absolute authority over my son, and if my other half doesn't support me then I'd go ballistic on him in private. My son's a handful, he's smart as a whip and stubborn as the day is long.

But eros comment about kids liking structure is dead on -- my son called me Sunday night, to tell me about moving to a harder math class -- and told me he thought he'd get in less trouble for talking in class, etc in the new class since the teacher has an absolute set of rules and you don't get different reactions on different days for doing the same thing.

Kids are not easy, that's for sure, but we do what we have to for them.

Normally I would agree, but not in this case. My parents wouldn't let me watch R-rated movies that had "sexual situations" until I was 13. After I turned 13, they assumed (as you do) that my personality was already formed and let me choose for myself what to watch and how to dress. I chose to watch sexually suggestive movies and dress slutty -- they didn't stop me. My parents believed the same as you, let me be myself with a little "guidance" in the right direction. Throughout school I was always in GATE classes and my GPA averaged 3.8.

As you can probably imagine, my parents are not proud of me because I work as a stripper. I don't "blame" my parents for my current occupation; I like what I do and I'm good at it. Considering the life I've chosen, I'm very successful. I own my own house, my 2001 luxury car is paid in full, and I don't rely on anyone else to support me.

Parenting doesn't just happen; whether you raise your kids or not they still grow up. While our basic personalities may be developed by age 5, other big life decisions and occupation choices continue to be influenced much much later.


I agree with this completely! :thumbsup

how do you do this? do you sit down and go through the possible consequences of certain decisions with them?

I'm sure at some point in society it was okay for young girls in some culture to have all these body piercings...it's still true for some societies today.

But what happened a bit over 100 years ago we in the US decided to start protecting our children...thus adolescence was born.
Before that you stood a chance at working a factory or the farm when you reached a certain age..you weren't guaranteed an education or protection from adults.
We all know that people married younger and had kids at much younger ages too.
But since then kids have lived in a somewhat protective cocoon expected to do nothing but be kids.
So now here we are in 2004 where most 12 year old girls their biggest decision they'll make this year is whether or not they will kiss a boy.
But society is fucked...we keep running across articles where young girls are blowing more than one guy at a time on the bus...or are allowing boys to video tape them while having sex and then selling it at school...and then Hollywood comes out with a movie with a somewhat similar storyline.
It's all downhill from here boys and girls.

Bingo

I think I was born a few years too early.

I have a two year old daughter.

I was watching a video the other day of a very pretty girl, maybe 18-19, shoving her bikini up her pussy.

And I thought I hope I haven't been spending the last two years changing diapers and cleaning poop off my daughter's wee-wee only to have her grow up and stuff a bikini up it.

I hear ya...
My future is looking grim for me...I am a full time Dad to the most beautiful little girl who is 7 years old. I am not looking forward to those future worries...gettin my shot gun loaded now..:ak47:

Trixi, has it ever occured that your personality was in fact already formed at 13?

People don't just change all of a sudden when they hit 13, it sounds to me like there was a lot more going on than your parents just letting you decide things for yourself when you turned 13.

And why do you say your parents aren't proud of you? Did they tell you that?

Absolutely.. it's the only way to go in my opinion.. it's hard.. it takes a lot and I mean a lot of time.. something I'm afraid a lot of parents aren't willing to spend.. and I think that may be one of the biggest problems.. so many take the easy way out, and one of the easiest ways out is to run your childs life for them instead of taking the enormous amount of time it takes to teach them how to run it themselves

Yeah dude, there's no way I would allow it even though I'm currently separated I've already talked to my daughter numerous times on all these items and have raised a stink with my wife many times about loose clothing etc.

Parents don't consider how their inaction or ignorance, negatively affects their children. My opinion is if you're 18 you can go ahead and be a porn star if you want, but 12-13, sorry, parents can do a much better job to keep their kids out of harm's way :2 cents:

:thumbsup I don't have kids, but I do have a teen brother and sister. When I go to their school, it amazes me to see how those kids dress. They walk around half naked. When I go by children's clothes in stores it's amazing to see that the clothes they want little kids to wear is what women wear!

I actually had the chance to speak to one girl's mother, she asked me why my sister didn't wear skimpy clothes, I simply said my mother doesn't allow her and thank God she doesn't have that desire. The mother told me that she has no choice, her daughter tells her all girls dressed like that. So she is forced to buy skimpy clothes for her 14 yr old daughter...which is BULL, b/c she should be able to say NO!

I just know that we were brought up very different, and my siblings have more respect for themselves....maybe it's not about respect...but my parents were able to teach us certain things, and I supposed we chose to be kids, then teens, (and now adults in my case )without having to get pierce, tatoo, or walk have naked (as kids & teens) if we wanted any of that I think we would have waited until we were old enough to pay for it ourselves. well my parents would have NOt paid for any of that! I think my parents control my siblings, and controled me but it's a good control.

I think my parents also wanted us to enjoy being kids, then teens.

My favorite story, and I've had my sister join in on this, is how my sister was raped by 3 guys at the age of 14, partly because she was dressing to look 18. It sucks that girls can't dress as they want because of some monsters out there, but that's the world we live in, and while you can't change the attitude of most guys out there short of some unorthodox action ..

http://www.remington.com/images/firearms/870EXPS.JPG

.. you certainly can change the way your daughter presents herself to the world, in order to avoid unpleasant consequences.

My personality WAS already formed. I am very dominant, independent, and self-sufficient. But my lifetime choices hadn't been made yet. When I was 12 I wanted to be a teacher. My dad had to buy a pregnancy test when I was 15 (luckily I wasn't pregnant). What happened in those few years? My parents thought that they could guide me in the right direction while giving me freedom. This was a mistake. They thought everything was fine because I was such a good student and courteous.

As an adult, I'm a sex addict. My chosen occupation is as a stripper. It could be worse, at least I didn't choose to be a hooker or a porn star, but that's more because of safety issues than underlying morales. As I said, I don't blame them for this. At the same time, I suspect if they had continued treating me like a child instead of an adult, maybe I wouldn't have chosen this. It only took 2 years of them allowing me to be my own person for me to change this much. They shouldn't have allowed me as much freedom as they did at such a young age. :ugone2far



Yes. They are proud that I'm successful and can support myself, but they are NOT proud of how I do it. They have said so.

I could never bring myself to say something like that to one of my children, what you said there made me very sad :(

It's common sense really and i plan to do it with my children ( i have 1 daughter and another on the way)

It's still not easy when they have all this garbage being shoved in their face every day though. Raising your kids well is definatley worth any sacrifices you need to make.

Many psychologist believe that personalities are developed by the age of 7.

That's probably close to accurate but does their personality at age 7 determine what choices they make when they're 12?

also..not everyone likes situations they find themselves in.. weather or not they put themselves there in the first place.

My parents raised me to believe that honesty is always more important than anything else. I respect my parents BECAUSE they are honest with me.

This is the result of liberals letting mtv air whatever they want...

that's a biggie with me too.. honesty and my own parents were kind of shocked when I told them what I do, but I was proud of myself.. and they're proud of me.. I don't do anything I think is wrong, if I thought it was wrong.. then I wouldn't be doing it.. and btw.. I don't think what you're doing is wrong either, you're supporting yourself in a profession that's very hard and very competitive. It's work, it's legal, and it pays the bills.. nothing wrong with that at all.

Young girls nowadays usually think its cool to be in. So it is left on the parents to guide them while they make decisions. Just let them know that they are the ones who will bear the consequences anyway.

about a year ago i remember reading on a forum that this 22 year old met a girl in a club(over 21 only) met this girl there. They got talking and stuff and they went to go fuck. Well it turned out this girl was actually 16 and the parents found out so they filed charges. But he posted a pic of her and she looked 24-25. Just watch out guys :(

Probably requires a signed release from the parents.