"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."

:pimp A man who's too drunk to follow orders. :waaaaahh

george lopez is hilarious

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."

:1orglaugh Two cows in a field. One says to the other 'What do you think about this mad cow desease?' The other one replies 'Blimey! a talking cow!' :GFYBand

:Grrrrrr How do you tell an old man? :glugglug

:tongue: It isn't hard. :NopeNope

This thread is literally never going to end, there are like 7 postbots going nuts here lol

:GFYBand so she took them to the taxodermist :Graucho

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

:GFYBand 'So you want them mounted?' asked the taxidermist. To which she replied ; 'No. Holding hands will do just fine.' :thefinger

:Kissmy Why does an elephant have four feet? :eyecrazy

:drinkup Because it would look silly with six inches. :girl

:D Anatomy is something everybody's got :eyecrazy

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

:spawn but sure looks better on a woman. :D

watching matrix revolutions now.. great movie, except for the end

:Graucho What do you call a woman who can suck golf balls through a hose? :fart

:Note Darling. :helpme

blah blah blah

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."

:BangBang: Why do women get periods? :Hollering

:evil-laug Why did the punk cross the road? :eyecrazy

the oracle is a milf past her prime

:uhoh Because he was stapled to the chickens back. :ak47:

"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work."

:Buck: How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? :rainfro

:smokin Only one. To slam the car boot shut. :mad:

WILL THE MADNESS NEVER END!!! :mad: :mad:

:fart There were four 80 year old men playing golf. One complained the hills were to high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said 'Shut up! At least we're still on the right side of the grass!' :winkwink:

:question Six stages of married life:1: Tri-weekly2: Try weekly3: Try weakly4. Try oysters5: Try anything6: Try to remember :Grrrrrr

:D A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said 'Your wife's mind has completely gone!'. To which the man replied 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!' :stop

and going and going and

:warning The graduate with an engenieering degree asks 'How does it do that?' :ticking

:Buck: The graduate with an accounting degree asks 'How much does it cost?' :Grrrrrr

:waaaaahh The graduate with the Arts degree asks 'Do you want fries with that?' :boid

:evil-laug 'Was your wife a virgin when you married?' :Kissmy

:2 cents: 'I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.' :Hollering

:sleep What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen? :thefinger

:karaoke A face can say many things. Especially the mouth part. :arcadefre